A shadow of you
by rolly21
Summary: Meredith finds that nothing is ever easy and that the past always catches up with you. Merder, Maddison. Richard/Ellis
1. flirting

I don't own Greys anatomy or the characters taken from the show. I also don't own the songs that may be integrated.

I'll Remember by Madonna

Mmmm, mmmm  
Say good-bye to not knowing when  
The truth in my whole life began  
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry  
You taught me that

Chorus  
And I'll remember the strength that you gave me  
Now that I'm standing on my own  
I'll remember the way that you saved me  
I'll remember

Inside I was a child  
That could not mend a broken wing  
Outside I looked for a way  
To teach my heart to sing

And I'll remember the love that you gave me  
Now that I'm standing on my own  
I'll remember the way that you changed me  
I'll remember

I learned  
to let go  


of the illusion that we can possess  
I learned  
to let go  
I travel in stillness  
And I'll remember  
happiness  
I'll remember I'll remember  
Mmmmm... I'll remember  
Mmmmm...

And I'll remember the love that you gave me  
Now that I'm standing on my own  
I'll remember the way that you changed me  
I'll remember

No I've never been afraid to cry  
AND I finally have a reason why  
I'll remember I'll remember  
No I've never been afraid to cry  
And I finally have a reason why  
I'll remember I'll remember  
No I've never been afraid to cry  
And I finally have a reason why  
I'll remember I'll remember

"So do you come here often?" A voice asked her as she stood at the nurses' station.

Meredith crinkled her nose, and tried to hide her smile.

"What's it to you?" She asked as she put her chart back.

"I make it my right to chat to every goddamn sexy intern here." the voice replied.

"Are you hitting on me in a hospital?" she asked as she turned to look at the source of the voice.

"I don't have to hit on you babe, your already mine." the person replied.

"Is that so?" she asked, as she studied him carefully.

"You bet your pregnant bootie." he replied as he lent in to kiss her.

Before Meredith could kiss him a fist came from nowhere knocking the 

guy to the ground. "You knocked up my sister." the culprit yelled.

"Alex what the hell was that?" she asked.

"Your pregnant?" he asked her.

"Alex!" she yelled.

Meredith turned around to help up Derek. "Sweetie I'm so sorry" she replied as she gushed over the cut on the side of his face.

"What the hell is going on here?" Richard boomed as he walked up to the trio.

"Ummm..." Meredith began. "It was Alex!" she answered quickly.

"Meredith I can see that" Richard retaliated, "but I want to know why."

Alex looked from Derek to Meredith and then back to the Chief. "Dad, if I didn't do this, Mark would have."

Richard shook his head. "You two in my office now." he ordered Meredith and Alex.

He then turned to Derek. "Get your face seen to then come to my office."

Derek nodded and turned to go find someone to fix his face.


	2. what?

Richard reached his office to find Meredith and Alex in a screaming match. "Both of you sit your arses down." he ordered.

Meredith looked hesitantly at her father before slumping down on the couch.

Alex refused to sit down.

"Can either of you tell me why my new head of neurosurgery just got knocked to the ground by one of my sons?" Richard asked.

Alex refused to look at him. He could feel the disappointment in his father's eyes.

Meredith fiddled with her watch; she too refused to look at him.

"Well?" Richard asked again.

Before either of them could answer Mark and Addison entered the room. "Alex what the hell is going on? Why did you punch out 

shepherd?" he asked.

Alex looked at Meredith and then back at Mark. "What's this got to do with Mer?" Mark asked.

All 3 men turned to look at Meredith. Addison moved to the couch and sat down next to her. "Mer, what's going on?" she asked softly.

Meredith looked up; tears were welling in her eyes. "oh Addi" she sobbed quietly.

"Mer, why would Alex punch Derek, and announce to Dad, that if it wasn't him throwing the punch then it would have been me?" Mark asked again. He moved his chair over so he was sitting in front of both Addi and Mer.

Meredith looked at her brothers and then at her dad. "I'm so sorry daddy." she whispered.

Richards heart was breaking as he looked down at his little girl. Richard moved quickly to Meredith and pulled her on to his lap. "It's ok baby Daddy is here." he whispered. "tell me what happened and 

maybe I can fix it." he soothed her.

Alex tapped Mark in the shoulder, and gestured him to follow him to the other side of the room.

"What's going on?" Mark asked Alex.

"I can't believe it" Alex mumbled.

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific Lex, considering my baby sister, your twin, is crying over there." Mark told him.

"She's pregnant" he mumbled.

"WHAT!" mark asked rather loudly? This caused both Addison and Richard to look up.

Alex gave Mark a glare. "I don't think dad knows hell only I just found out." he told MARK.

"What's shepherd got to do with this?" Mark asked.  


Alex was silent.

"I'm guessing he's the father?" Mark asked.

Alex nodded. "I'm thinking so."

"Boys here now." Richard called over to them.

Alex and Mark reluctantly made their way back over to their father and sister. Addison watching them carefully.

"What's going on?" Richard asked curiously. Meredith was now asleep in his arms.

"Ummm dad, " Alex began

"Meredith's pregnant." Mark blurted out.

"What!" he hissed.

"My reaction exactly" Mark replied.

Richard turned to Addison. "Do you know anything about this?" he asked her.

Addison shook her head. "I had my suspicions but nothing official." she replied.

Mark instantly flared. "You suspected that my baby sister was pregnant but you didn't say anything?" Mark asked. it was obvious he was not happy.

"Honey, I couldn't say anything because I didn't know for sure." Addison tried to reason with her husband.

"What's this got to do with Shepherd?" Richard asking, as he tried to get to the bottom of the saga.

"Daddy" Meredith mumbled as she stirred. Richard softened quickly.

"Mer sweetie are you pregnant?" he asked her.

Meredith snuggled into Richards shoulder.

"I'm pregnant daddy, Der and I were going to tell you." she mumbled before she drifted back off to sleep.

Richard had fire in his eyes. He looked up at Alex. "I want you to get me the pillows and quilt out of the cupboard." He ordered.

"Mark, I need you to tell Patricia to page Derek to the first available conference room." he told him before he then turned to Addison. "I know you have patients, but I need you to check in on Mer for me." he explained further. "We will leave her to sleep while the boys and I go have a chat with Derek."

Addi nodded.

Richard stood with Mer still in his arms. Alex returned with the pillows and quilt. Addi set them up so Richard could put Mer down. He covered her with the quilt and left her to sleep.


	3. Where big boys now

Richard lead Alex and Mark to the conference room. "Now let me do the talking." he warned them. "If you touch him again Alex, you will be in the pit for a month. And Mark I wouldn't even think about it."

Mark grumbled "Were big boys now dad."

Richard glared at him. "I'm about as happy about this as you. Just let me deal with this." he growled.

Once they were seated Derek walked in. "I thought we were going to do this in your office chief?" Derek commented as he took a seat across from the trio.

"It was except it currently has my daughter asleep on the couch." Richard answered.

"Your daughter?" Derek asked.

"Yes y daughter, Meredith. Who is also Mark and Alex's sister." Richard replied.

"Oh" Derek sighed quietly.

"So you reasons for transferring here are now clear." Richard opened after a moments silence.

"I guess" Derek replied.

Mark glared at Derek, "of all the people you had to knock up, it had to 

be my sister."

Derek put his hands up. "Hold up, I don't know what you're thinking but let me make it clear. I did not know Meredith was your sister." he told him, "and I didn't just knock her up, we have been seeing each other since spring break last year."

"What?" Alex asked.

Both Alex and Mark shot up out of their chairs.

"Sit down" Richard growled.

Mark shot Alex a look. "How could you not know Lex?" he asked.

Alex rolled his eyes. "I was in IOWA" he protested. "How could you not know? He was your best friend."

Mark huffed.

"Boys" Richard sighed. "Mer is now 27, she is capable if having a private life. I don't like this either. So don't fight each other and just sit down."

Mark slumped down in his chair while Alex turned and punched the wall.

"Idiot" Richard growled. "You're a surgeon, you're supposed to protect your hands." Alex shook his head. "Go put an icepack on it" Richard 

ordered.

Alex reluctantly left the room.


	4. Intentions?

Richard turned back to Derek . "What are your intentions?"

"Excuse me?" Derek asked.

"What are your intentions with my daughter?" Richard asked again.

"Honestly, I didn't expect her father to be my new boss." Derek sighed, "but I was going to ask for your consent for me to ask her for her hand in marriage." he told Richard warily.

"You what?" Mark asked.

"I love her, and I want to marry her." Derek answered.

"This has nothing to do with the pregnancy, we've only just found out. I intended to ask when you told me I had a position here." Derek justified.

Mark glared at him in shock.

Richard studied Derek, quite taken back at his confession. "I can't believe you guys have been seeing each other over a year and you didn't know who her family was."

Derek groaned. "Meredith is pretty guarded, she didn't tell me a lot about her family. All she said was that she came from a family of doctors."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Richard called out for the 

person to enter.

Addison stuck her head in "Mer's woken up. She's been asking for you." She told Richard.

Richard nodded. "Mark, Derek, stay here. I will be back." he told them before he stood up. "I expect you guys to still be in one piece."

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Addie and Richard walked together back to his office. "Do you want me to come in?" she asked him.

"I think we will be ok." Richard told her.

Addie lent in and gave Richard a kiss on the cheek. "Don't be too hard on her dad, I think she's really scared."

"Scared about what?" Richard asked.

"About being a mother, or more importantly, like her mother."

Richard sighed on hearing this.

"I guess that would explain a lot. Thanks Addie." Richard forced a smile.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

On entering his office he almost broke down. Meredith was curled up on the couch holding the family photo. It was the last photo that had been taken of all of them together.

Richard walked in and sat down next to her. "Mer" he said quietly as he pulled her onto his lap.

"Daddy" she said quietly.

Richard took the photo from her and put it down on the couch next to him. "It's ok baby" he told her as she turned into him and sobbed.

"Daddy" she cried again.

"Shhh... Mer its ok I'm here, Daddy is here." he soothed her.

"Don't ever leave me." she whispered.

Richards grip tightened on her, and held her closer. "I'm not going anywhere." he told her.

Meredith's sobs slowly steadied. "Promise?" she asked.

"Promise" Richard replied.

"I don't know if I'm ready to be a mum" she confessed.

"It's ok Mer" Richard comforted her. "Your allowed to be scared" he continued to rub her back and soothe her. "but you need to remember 

that you are not your mother."

Meredith pulled back from Richards chest. Richard used his thumb to wipe away her tears. "I miss her" she whispered.

"I miss her too." Richard told her.

Richard kissed Meredith on top of her head.

"She's gone because of me." Meredith sobbed.

"No, she's gone because she was selfish." Richard told her.

Meredith lent back into Richards embrace. "Derek doesn't know" she told him

"About your mum?" Richard asked

Meredith shook her head. "all of it" she whispered.

Richard sat there quietly. "Why haven't you told him?" Richard asked warily.

"I don't want him to leave me too..."

"Mer sweeties, I don't think he's going anywhere." Richard reassured her. "from how he spoke earlier, I doubt he plans to go anywhere unless you ask him to."

Meredith sighed.

"Now about the baby" he started.

Richard looked down on Meredith. "I was going to tell you daddy. I just didn't know how. You didn't even know I was seeing anyone and I love Derek. I really do. but I'm scared because what if he leaves me. What if our baggage is too much. What if I have this baby and he doesn't really want it or what if he is only staying with me because of it." she finished.

"Sweetie, you ramble too much." Richard chuckled. "You also worry too much. I understand your scared , and I'm also going to tell you that you've just asked a lot of what ifs. So I'm only going to suggest one thing." Richard offered, "You really need to let Derek know how you feel Mer. Let him in."

Meredith sighed. "but" she began.

"No buts, " Richard cute her off. "It's not fair on Derek and it's not fair on you. You need to open up to him."

Meredith nodded, "ok daddy"

"Right, now baby, I think we need to talk to Derek and your brothers. May I suggest your brothers first." Richard decided. "They have a lot of questions. I will get Addie to mediate while I finish up with Derek."

Meredith again nodded. Richard placed Meredith back down on the 

couch. "Mark is in the conference room. I'll page Addie to take you. When you get there send Derek up to see me. I'll arrange for Alex to meet you there."

"Ok" she whispered.


	5. if you only knew

Addie had only been minutes before she came and took Meredith to see her brothers.

Richard returned to the couch picking up the photo. He studied it closely. It had been the last photo where all of them were together and smiling. There he was seated next to Ellis. Meredith was curled up on her mother's lap. She was 8. She was tiny and had dressed herself in her pretty lavender sun dress that she had always loved.

Alex sat on Richards lap. His arms were around his twin sister. He had on his trademark jeans and Astro Boy shirt. Richard could remember the fight he had trying to get him into something a bit more appropriate for a family photo, but eventually he had caved.

Mark stood behind then. A hand resting on his mothers shoulder. Mark was 14. He had taken to wearing polo shirts that were a little snug to show his muscular body. It was black because it apparently looked more sophisticated. Well that's what he had told Richard.

Richard chuckled at the memory. His eyes focused in on Ellis. "I don't understand why you did what you did." He told the photo. "But you have broken us."

Richard continued to hold the photo trying to remember properly the days his family had been truly happy. He found it was a hard battle because as he looked at his smiling children he couldn't shake the pain, erase the tears or forget the fights that had followed. Ellis was gone and he had to struggle through life as a single parent with 3 troubled but amazing kids.  


Richard stood and returned the photo back to its draw. "If only you knew." he whispered, letting out a sigh. He then returned to the couch and waited for Derek to arrive.

gagagagagagagagagagagaggagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Addie walked Meredith to the conference room. She knocked on the door before entering quietly. Addie walked a wary Meredith inside. Mark was still seated where she had last seen him. Derek was leaning up against the wall and Alex was playing with an icepack.

Derek went to Meredith as soon as she entered the room. "Mer baby" he said as he pulled her to him "You ok?" he asked,

Meredith wrapped her arms around him. "We'll talk about it later." she whispered. "Just hold me for now."

Derek was taken back by her request as she never asked for him to hold her. He could sense her vulnerability, so he didnt say a word. He was more than happy to hold her and breathe her in.

Alex cleared his throat, and Meredith looked over at him and only just now noticed the icepack on his hand. "Lex?" she asked. But he didnt answer. Meredith knew he wouldn't talk while Derek was here.

"Der" Meredith said quietly. "Dad wants to talk to you about work stuff." she told him.

Derek nodded. "Will you be ok?" he asked.

"Yeah" she sighed in reply.

"Ok, well page me if you need me." he told her before he tilted her head so he could give her a quick kiss. "I love you Mer."" he whispered.

"You too Der" she replied before he left the room.


	6. secret keeper

Meredith found herself the seat across from Mark. Addie sat right next to Mark. She whispered something into his ear and his features softened.

Meredith looked over at Alex again. "Lex?" she asked quietly.

Alex looked up at her. "Wall" he answered.

Meredith sighed. "But why?"

Alex looked over at Mark. "I was frustrated"

"Oh"

"Look how can you keep this from us Mer? You're our sister." he exclaimed. She could hear the frustration building and see the pain in his eyes.

"Do you remember" she began. "when you used to be my secret keeper and I yours?" Meredith asked. "We used to tell each other everything. I had been dating Richie Newton for a year. He was a sweet guy and always said the nicest things.

I confided in you the night before grad that I thought myself ready to take our relationship to the next step. You acted so understanding. You were my twin brother, but you were also my best friend. I loved you and I trusted you, but you went running to Mark as soon as he came home."

Meredith looked at her two brothers. "I loved Richie. He was the first person who truly spoke to me. We had connected on a completely different level. Our love want based on sex, like the other couples in senior year. It was about so much more."

A tear escaped her.

"Between you two, the next night when Richie came to pick me up for the party, your cornered him. I don't know what you guys said to him or did to him. But he broke up with me that night. So please don't ask why I didn't want to risk telling you about someone that I love because 

I didn't want him to leave me too.

First Thatcher, then mom, Sally, Simone and Richie. They all left me in one way or another. I didn't want to lose him too. I can't lose him too."

Mark looked over at his sister. His heart aching for her. "Mer we love you and just wanted to protect you." he told her. "You're our baby sister. We didn't want anyone taking advantage of you."

"Dammit Mark" she yelled in frustration "I told Lex I was ready, and you guys scared him away doing the tough guy big brother act. He wasn't going to take advantage of me, he loved me."

"Do you love Derek?" Mark asked.

"More than I ever thought I could love another human being." she confessed, "yet I am scared as hell to do so."

"And the baby?" he asked.

"I found out a week ago. Derek was the only person I officially told. Christina figured it out." she answered. "I wanted to go to Addie but I didn't want you, Lex or Dad to find out. Not until I had told you about Derek."

Mark nodded, and Alex took the icepack off his hand.

"So you're keeping it?" Alex asked.

Meredith looked up at him shocked. "I couldn't abort my child. That would be murder. You know I don't believe in it."

"I was just asking!" Alex replied defensively.

"Look, I know having this baby shocks you and quite frankly it scares the shit out of me. But I am doing this with or without your support." Meredith told them.

"Besides I know this little one will never leave me." she whispered, not thinking the others could hear her.  


Mark and Alex stood at the same time. Both made their way to Meredith. "We love you Mer" Mark told her and pulled her into his arms. "Were not going anywhere."

Mark pulled away and Alex stepped in. "I'm sorry I betrayed your trust Mer." he told her, "If you say you love Shepherd then I'll back off. Both Mark and I will."

Meredith nodded "Thanks"

"What are brothers for?" Mark asked with his trade mark smile.

Meredith smiled slightly.

Suddenly Meredith and Alex's pagers went off. Alex groaned "Bailey?" she asked.

Alex nodded.

"Me too" she replied

Both left. Meredith quickly giving Mark a kiss on the cheek and Addie a thank you hug before leaving.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Richard had talked to Derek about him taking over the head of Neurosurgery. "I don't want you favouring Meredith, and Bailey won't stand for it either."

Derek nodded "I don't intend to." he replied.

"Ok, well is there anything else work related?" Richard asked.

Derek nodded. "I have a case flying in tomorrow night. The patient isn't too happy about having to come to Seattle but she will get by."

Richard nodded. "What do you need?" he asked.

"Well I consider her v.i.p so I want her in our best room. She has tumour near her optical nerve and one on her spine. I'm doing the one on her optical nerve first. Then after some days I intend on taking the one on her spine."

Richard nodded. "You have to be careful not to take her eye sight."

Derek agreed "I understand, I'm sure she would kill me if did. After all she is a very busy woman."

Richard studied Derek's facial expression. "You seem very fond of her." he stated.

"I admire her work" Derek shrugged.

"Ok, well anything you need will be at your disposal." Richard finished.

"Thanks" Derek replied before standing. "I better get back and check on my assigned patients."

Richard nodded. Both men shook hands before they departed.


	7. pink pills

"Where have you two been?" Bailey barked at Alex and Meredith.

Meredith sighed. "Chiefs office then the conference room." she told her.

Bailey looked over Alex and Meredith. "What did you do to your hand fool?" She asked catching site of the bruising.

"Nothing" he mumbled.

"So the rumours that you punched out the new head of neuro is just a rumour?" she asked.

"No" he replied. "I did" he said shrugging his shoulders.

Bailey raised her eyebrows. "it wouldn't have anything to do with you?" she asked Meredith, who looked down guiltily.

"Now I know why I got stuck with the Webber twins." Bailey shook her head.

"So where did you want us?" Alex finally asked.

"Well the others have got there attending assignments so you can go do the charts until your hand loses some of its swelling and you can go to the pit." she motioned to Meredith "Now go"

The day had progressed slowly and before Meredith knew it was the end of her shift . She had only stopped briefly to grab a quick bite to 

eat and had tried to keep busy.

Meredith had promised to meet Derek in the lobby to go somewhere and talk. This was the talk she had been avoiding since he had mentioned that he was moving to Seattle to be with her.

Meredith took the stairs to get to the locker room. By the time she made it, her heart was racing so fast she couldn't steady herself and she slid down against her locker holding her chest. Christina paused to look at her. "You ok Mer?" he asked. Concern etched across her face.

"Alex" she groaned.

"Why do you want Evil Spawn?" Christina asked.

"Get Alex" she groaned again, a tear escaping her.

Christina rushed out of the room and almost shirt fronted Alex. "What's got your panties tangled?" Alex asked.

"Meredith wants you. She looks to be in pain." Christina blurted.

Alex pushed past her and raced into the room. He went pale at the sight of Meredith clutching her chest. He rushed to her. "Meredith talk to me, come on." he asked with urgency.

"Racing... hurts so much." She gasped.

Alex nodded. "Yang" he called to Christina. "Her combos 5690. Open 

her locker and grab out the med container with the pink pills." Christina looked at him. "Do it" he yelled.

Christina hurriedly went to her locker and quickly found the pills. "She needs two." Alex ordered. Christina quickly shook two from the container and handed them to Alex. "Pass me your water." he ordered.

He handed Meredith the pills and helped her take a drink of water.

Alex handed the water back to Christina and pulled Meredith onto his lap. Christina stood there watching as Alex held Meredith.

"Page the Chief." Alex ordered "and Burke for good measure"

Christina looked at Meredith and Alex before leaving to run to the nurses' station. Alex stood holding Meredith, it was tricky, but he had managed to do so before.

Christina returned with the Chief following closely behind. "Alex?" he asked.

"She had around of arrhythmias, they've only just settled." Alex answered quickly.

"Yang, grab me a gurney" Richard ordered.

Christina huffed and left.

"Daddy," Meredith groaned. "I have to meet Derek"  


"You're not going anywhere just yet Mer. We're going to hook you up to a monitor to make sure your stable." he told her. He kissed her softly on her head.

"I love you Mer." He told her in a whisper.

"Gurneys here." Yang yelled as she pushed the door open.

Alex carried Meredith to the gurney. "Lex, I can walk" she groaned.

"At this very moment Mer, I don't care. I'm being your big brother and not your colleague." he told her as he laid her down.

"Daddy" Meredith moaned, "I'm older right"

Richard chuckled "now is not the time baby girl."

Christina was quite shocked with what she was hearing.

Richard began to push the gurney. On passing the nurses' station he ordered. "Page Addison Sloan, when Burke arrives send him to room 636. You better page Shepherd." The nurses quickly followed his orders.

"Yang get Bailey and Alex find your brother."


	8. we need to talk

Richard got Meredith to room 636 as Addison, Burke and Derek arrived. "I need you to stand back Richard." Burke ordered as he transferred Meredith onto the bed.

"She needs to be hooked up t o a heart monitor, and Addie can you get an ultrasound done to check on the baby." Richard bossed.

"Chief step back, she's my patient now." Burke ordered.

Derek was hovering next to Richard. "What are you doing? What's wrong with her?" he asked frantic.

"What are you doing here?" Burke questioned, ignoring Derek's worry.

"She's my girlfriend." Derek answered. "The babies mine."

Burke raised his eyebrows. "Preston, i will explain later." Richard told him.

At that moment Mark, Alex, Christina and Bailey arrived.

"What's going on?" Bailey asked.

"Dad is she ok?" Mark asked rushing to her side.

"People I need some space." Burke bossed.

"Ok look, Yang, Miranda, Addie and Shep, wait outside." Richard ordered. "Don't worry I will let you guys back in a minute."  


Addie, Christina and Miranda filed out, but Derek refused to go.

"Shepherd go she's going to be ok." Richard ordered again.

"She's... she's... I love her." he choked.

"Shep, out, we've got it here. There's nothing you can do." Richard told him.

"Daddy" Meredith groaned. "I'm tired."

"It's ok baby, were just going to connect you to the monitor and you will be ok." he told her as he took her hand.

"I didn't want der to know, he'll leave me too." she whined. "Don't tell Der." she sighed.

Derek looked from Richard to Meredith. "Mer I'm not going anywhere." he told her, before he walked out of the room.

Gagagagagagagagagaggagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagag

Burke had Meredith set up on a heart monitor and ordered Christina to keep an eye on it. He then nodded to the Chief and left.

Richard called out to the others to enter.

Bailey stepped in followed by Addie, Derek stood hesitantly at the 

door.

"Now that she's settled I was hoping we could do an ultrasound." Richard looked at Addie.

"It looks like Mer is asleep." she answered.

"Not sleeping, just resting my eyes." Meredith mumbled causing everyone to chuckle.

"Der, are you actually going to come in or you going to continue to hover in the doorway?" she asked him. Meredith hadn't even opened her eyes.

"How do you even know he is there?" Alex asked.

"I can feel him looking at me." she smiled.

"Mer" Derek said quietly.

"Look if you don't want to be here you can go." she sighed, "but if Addie id going to do an ultrasound, I thought u might like to be stay." Meredith looked wounded.

Alex, Richard and Mark began to hover around Meredith, as she began to cry.

"Shh... Mer" Derek said as he pushed his way through "I just want to 

know what's wrong with you." he sighed, "you always seem convinced I'm going to leave."

Mark and Alex glared at him.

"Derek" Richard began.

"Daddy" Meredith sighed, "can we just get this scan done".

Richard wiped Mers fringe from her eyes. "OK" he told her as he smiled reassuringly.

Addie moved in with the ultrasound machine. She made a point of going to the said Mark and Alex were standing.

"Do you want everyone here? I can clear the room." Addie asked.

"I guess they can stay." Meredith whispered. "I just want to get this done."

Addie sighed. "Ok Mer". She rested a hand on Meredith's shoulder.

Meredith reached up and took her hand. A tear rolling down her cheek. "Please just make sure my baby is ok."

"Our baby" Derek interrupted.

"What?" Addie asked

"She said please make sure my baby is ok, and I was just saying it's our baby." Derek responded taking hold of Meredith's hand.

Addie shook her head. Meredith didn't need Addie jumping all over Derek along with the boys. Add Bailey to the mix and it was quite a cocktail.

Addie rolled up Meredith's shirt and applied the gel.

"Shit that's cold." Meredith stated in shock.

Both boys laughed while Richard warned her about her language.

Addie continued with the Doppler, spreading out the gel before she then turned on the machine.

"Ok Mer, you ready for this?" Addie asked.

Meredith had her eyes focused on the ceiling. She held tightly onto Derek's hand, afraid that he would go.

"There it is Mer." Addie told her as she focused the image on the screen.

Meredith's eyes were still focused on the ceiling.

Derek's eyes left the screen to look at Meredith. "Mer honey, have a look at our baby." he told her.

Meredith looked at the grin that was on his face. She could feel all eyes on her. "Our baby" she whispered.

Derek squeezed her hand. "Go on" he encouraged.

Meredith turned her head to the monitor. She gasped at the sight. "Tell me about it" she said to Addie.

Addie smiled. "Well, you look to be 2.5 to 3 months along." Addie told her. "I'm more inclined to think closer to 3 months, which means..." she smirked remembering something Meredith had let slip."and well, the baby looks completely healthy. Because of your medical history Mer I want to run the recommended tests to eliminate any possible problems that the baby might develop."

Meredith nodded. "ok, when do you want to do the tests?" she asked.

Addison looked from Richard then back to Meredith. "I would do it now, but I don't want an audience. Besides Mer, I would prefer to know that your other ummm... issue is clear before I do the tests."

"But I'm fine right daddy?" Meredith asked.

Richard sighed and moved to Meredith's bedside. "Baby girl, were pretty sure it was just a scare." he told her as he sat on the edge of the bed. "No more forgetting your meds."

"I didn't forget daddy. I just threw it up." she told him honestly.

"Well then, you'll have to find another time to take those tablets. No leaving it all day." he told her sternly.

"Actually daddy it would be more than a day. It would be closer to three." she said shyly.

"Meredith" he said crossly. "You can't do that again. You've given us quite a fright tonight."

"Meds?" Derek finally asked.

Meredith sighed. "Der, we really need to talk."


	9. are you done?

Meredith looked at her Dad. "Am I in overnight?"

Richard nodded, "Alex will duck home and get you a bag of things."

"Ok" she said quietly

"I'm going to get a copy of your ultrasound Mer, then I think I'll drag my husband home." Addie told her. Meredith nodded and smiled a thank you.

"Dinner?" Alex asked. "You're missing out on tea, what do you want and I'll grab it on the way back."

"Yeah" Meredith smiled, "pizza, you know how I like it."

"Ok, I'll get going." Alex told her as he headed for the door.

"Oh lex!" Meredith called out to him. "Bring Freddie"

Derek looked at her. "Freddie?" he asked.

Mark laughed.

"Uncle Richard is there anything you need me to do?" Bailey asked.

Richard shook his head. "It's ok Miranda, go home to Tucker."

Christina looked on confused.

"See you Mandy" Meredith called.

"Bye Mer" She patted Meredith foot.

"Com on Mark" Richard gestured. "Oh and yang, go grab yourself a coffee and a bite to eat. They need a moment."

Christina nodded before turning on her heel and leaving.

"A word Derek" Mark walked to the door, leaving Richard with Meredith. Derek reluctantly followed.

Sensing his moment to quickly talk to Meredith. Richard moved back to Meredith's bedside. "I want you to be honest with Derek about your health." He told her. "You can't keep this from him. If you love him, you'll tell him and if he loves you like he said he does he won't run at the news."

"What if this is too much for him?" she asked.

He could see the fear in her eyes.

"Just remember Daddy is here" he told her "I'll spend the night in the couch in my office. Page me if you need me."

"Love you Daddy" Mer told him.

"Love you too baby girl." he told her as he kissed her on the forehead.

"Remember I'm in my office." he told her one last time as he walked to the door.

"Night daddy" she whispered.

"Sweet dreams little one" he countered.

Outside:

Mark stepped out of Meredith's room.

"What now Mark?" Derek groaned. He already felt like his first day had been the longest day of his life.

"Look Derek, my baby sister has some pretty big things to tell you. One of the things I dare say she will share with you tonight." Mark told him

"You mean there's more than her being pregnant?" Derek teased.

Mark raised his eyebrows. "You can't make light of this Derek. Believe me I used to try. But I'm telling you that if you don't love her as much as you say you do, if you're not completely in this, then keep walking now, and don't bother going back in there. But if you are in this, then go listen to her and love her. If you hurt her, I will kill you."

Derek tilted his head. "Are you done?" he asked "Because I really need to get back in there."

Mark grumbled at him.

"Look Mark, I get that she is your baby sister. I've noticed that she has a fear of people leaving her. Is that because you intimidate them and scare them off?"Derek asked.

Richard had opened the door and heard the end of Derek's little snipe. He looked at Marks clenched fists. Derek smiled. "I see I have hit a nerve."

Richard cleared his throat. "I suggest you not talk about things you don't know or understand.'" Richard snapped.

Addie walked up to the group and could sense the tension. She had spotted Marks clenched fists. Addie slipped her arms around Marks waist. "You ready to go home babe?" she asked.

"Let me just say a quick goodbye to Mer" he told her,

both entered the room to give Meredith a quick goodbye. Mark made Meredith promise that if she needed him she would page.

Mark and Addie left, Richard watched them leave before turning back to Derek. "You've previously hurt my son, he can take it. I don't like it, and I won't tolerate you hurting my baby girl, because u will live to regret it."

Derek nodded, he figured he was right in thinking that they had scared away anybody she had gotten close to.  


Richard turned and left.

Derek walked slowly back into the room. Meredith was sitting up watching him. "Hey" he said quietly. As he reached her side.

"You hit a nerve with Mark." Meredith said to him.

"I made a joke about something that apparently wasn't funny." Derek said grudgingly.

"Der, I know my family is protective of me. That's why I have been so hesitant." she told him. "Most don't understand, but if you stick around long enough you will."

Derek sighed" Mer we've been together for 15 months. I've picked up my life and career to be here with you. When will you see I am in this?" he pleaded.

Meredith sighed and reached for his hand.

"Do you know all I've been told since I have been here and your family found out about us is that if I'm not intending to stick around then I should walk away now. What do I have to do to prove to them that I'm in this with my whole heart?" he asked.

"Der" Meredith pulled him to sit down on the bed. "Listen to me, would be a good start. What I do have to tell you is pretty big and will explain to you why they are so protective."  


Derek nodded. "Ok hit me with it" he told her as he shifted to face her.

"Ok, well I'm going to start from the beginning." she replied.


	10. hearts

Meredith sighed "When I was 8 1/2 I lost all momentum. I was starting to get really tired and I was lethargic. My mom thought it was a bit of an act, until I collapsed at ballet."

Meredith paused to make sure he was following.

"I was diagnosed with a heart defect. My heart wasn't pumping enough blood. I was put on the transplant list and spent many days cooped up in a room down in pead's. I missed a lot of school. If I wasn't here I was at home."

Meredith squeezed Derek's hand. "I got a lot worse. To the point where they almost lost me. On more than one occasion I coded. I suddenly found myself completely bed ridden. I couldn't do anything. I had a bedside vigil. The chances of getting a heart were very slim, but eventually it happened. That was when I was 10."

Meredith shifted to get comfortable. Derek knew that she had left something out. He could sense that it was big.

"Dad took me home, and things were back on track health wise. I didn't miss much at school because I was already doing work ahead of others. Things seemed to really settle down. I ditched ballet and took up swimming. I found myself going through a dark stage. I stressed Dad out, Alex panicked and called Mark home from college. I refused to take my medication, and stopped eating. It stressed out my heart pretty bad. It took Mark coming home to straighten me out."

Derek's eyes were wide. "You were the reason Mark completed a semester via distance Ed. With the provisions that he completed lab work at the hospital."

Meredith nodded, "that would be the time. It was hard on him and ever since he has been a bigger worrier than before."

"Anyway... I haven't had any real problems since. I am monitored closely by Burke and Dad while I am here. I am on strict Medication to assist in repairing the damage I had done to my heart. Not only that but to also help keep my blood thickness down. I still swim as you have witnessed before, but every now and then I get a scare."She finished.

"So what happened today?" Derek asked.

"Everything caught up with me. Not to mention the fact that I haven't had any luck taking my pills in the morning due to morning sickness. Plus I have then been working like crazy and have forgotten later in the day." She answered.

"So this isn't a repeat of years ago?" Derek asked warily.

"No, not at all" she answered quickly.

"Ok," Derek said as he released a breath he didn't realise he was holding. "And your heart?"

"Is still beating strong." she told him.

"Good" he told her as he lent down and kissed her. "I've been waiting to do that all day." he whispered.

Meredith smiled. "You're not running?" she stated.

"Only to you, not away." he told her as he kissed her again.

"Mer 2 things." he told her. "Where is your mum, and how did you pass your medical to become a surgeon.?"

Meredith sighed. "I passed my medical with flying colours. I haven't had a problem with my heart for a long time now" she answered. "And mom, well she's a story for another day." she told him.

Meredith pulled Derek down so she could kiss him.

"I love you Der." she mumbled.

"I love you too Mer."


	11. freddie

A while later, Meredith's stomach rumbled. "Didn't Alex say he was getting you pizza?" Derek asked.

As if right on cue there was a knock on the door. "Special delivery for Mer Webber." Alex said as he entered.

Alex placed the pizza on the table, and plopped 2 cans of soda on the bed. Alex then placed the portable aquarium on the bedside table. Meredith beamed. "Thanks Lex! You know I hate hospital stays without Freddie." she told him.

Alex beamed.

"Freddie?" Derek asked.

"Oh yeah, my turtle" she told Derek as she pointed at the aquarium. "Mark bought him for me."

Derek nodded.

Alex gave Mer a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving again.

Derek and Meredith spent some more time picking at the pizza Alex had bought and slugging back the soda. Christina had returned to eat a few slices before taking up post on the couch.

After pizza Meredith and Derek laid down together. Derek holding Meredith. They chatted about his family, about his friendship with Mark 

and their baby. Neither of them broached the topic of themselves or her heart. For now they figured it could wait.


	12. how much?

Meredith was discharged before pre rounds. Addie helped Meredith with her morning sickness before handing her a band.

"What's this?" Meredith asked.

"It's a travel sickness band. According to many of my patients it's a great way to fight the nausea." Addie informed her.

"Thanks" Meredith said quickly as she slipped it on.

"So you told Derek?" Addie asked as she took Meredith's tablets out.

"Yeah" she replied quietly.

"How much?" Addie asked with a sigh. She knew too well Meredith would hold back on something.

"About my heart, Mark coming home, the transplant and the swimming." Mer groaned.

"And mom?" Addie asked.

"Nope, I already think he's confused that Alex is my twin and goes by Karev, as well as Mark being a Sloan. Lex walked in last night and called me a Webber, so I dare say the state of confusion doesn't need to be added to." Meredith told her.

"Ok, so you effectively dodged the mommy question. For now. But I really do think you need to tell him Mer." Addie whined. "Before Mark, 

Lex or dad do."

Meredith nodded knowing that Addie was telling her the truth.

Meredith threw back her meds and chased them with a quick drink of water. "Thanks for your help last night Addie." Meredith said with a smile.

"Hey you're my little sister." Addie told her as she gave her a hug. "Now I'll drop this bag off at Dads. He's filling out paper work. Freddie should be ok there. You have rounds."

Meredith nodded and ran quickly from the room.


	13. still got it

Meredith wasn't prepared for the stream of questions she got poundered by when she walked into the locker rooms. It seemed like Izzie and George had been told about her hospital stay and the fact that she is seeing the new attending. "I named him McDreamy." Christina told her with a shrug.

Meredith groaned, at that moment Alex walked in. "Hey Lex" Meredith greeted as she continued to change into a fresh pair of scrubs.

Alex went to his locker and put his things in it. "Mer, are you sure you should e working today?" he asked hesitantly.

"Lex, my meds have been taken, I was given the all clear and I'm ok. I promise." she told him as she walked over to him.

"But I do want to say thanks Lex." Meredith said quietly.

Alex pulled Meredith into a hug. "No problems Mer." Alex whispered.

Meredith could feel the eyes of the others on her. She pulled back and laughed.

"What?" Alex asked confused.

"I think we better clear something up." she told him through her chuckles.

"Guys, Alex is my twin brother. Please meet Alexander James Karev Grey." She said with a smile. "He is commonly referred to as Dr Karev 

for all doctoring purposes."

Izzie and George had bug eyes and their mouths hit the floor. Mark walked into the room and looked at the look on the interns faces. "What's with them?" he asked Meredith as he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Meredith shrugged. "I just introduced my twin." Meredith smirked. "Now it's your turn."

Meredith turned back to the other interns. "May I also introduce this big lout? He is our big brother. Markus Frederick Karev Sloan."

Alex beamed as the interns looked stunned between the three standing in front of them.

"You full named me." Mark said shocked.

"That she did bro." Alex told him laughing. "You've got to love the Frederick"

Mark glared at Alex. "Lex, I'm not above kicking your arse." he gave him a warning look.

Alex scoffed. "Whatever man, cos Daddy can suspend you now, and I wouldn't want to damage you pretty face."

"Hey, what are you fools doing?" Bailey asked. She had caught the end of Alex's taunt.  


Meredith giggled when both Mark and Alex quickly stepped back from each other.

"What are you laughing at?" Bailey snapped at Meredith.

"You've still got it." Meredith said with a grin.

"Of course I do." Bailey smirked.

"Now thumb suckers, we have rounds." she ordered.


	14. questions

The day hard been pretty cruisy. Meredith had been placed on scut. So when she was not needed she found herself vegging out in the basement on an abandoned bed. Meredith had decided to study.

Meredith was so engrossed in her books that she didn't sense her company. "Mrs McDreamy" a voice said from behind her, causing her to jump.

Meredith turned. "Shit Christina, I've been hooked up to a monitor all night you and you creep up on me."

"I know you were hooked up to a monitor, as you can remember I was the one observing you." Christina scoffed.

Meredith sighed. "So you know."

"Actually I don't. Because everybody has been talking in code." Christina bit. "I'm your person Mer, and I feel like I know nothing about you."

"There's no code." Meredith groaned. "What do you want to know?"

"The Chief is your dad?" she asked quickly.

"Step dad, but might as well be my father." Meredith answered.

"Mark and Alex??"

"Mark was my mum's first child. He was born when she was al College. Then mum married before her intern year and fell pregnant with Lex and I. He divorced her and my mom married Richard. Mark has his father's name. I my fathers, and Lex goes by moms maiden name for doctoring purposes." Meredith explained.

Meredith then sat up and looked at Christina. "Do you have any more questions?" she asked.

"Where's your mum?" Christina asked warily.

"Gone, Just gone" Meredith sighed.

"Bailey?" Christina asked. "She called your dad uncle."

"Yeah she is Aunt Sarah's daughter. Richards's sister. She's a couple of years younger than Mark, a few years older than Lex and I. She's always been bossy, kept us in line."

"You called her Mandy" Christina stated.

"And she called me Mer." Meredith retorted.

"Your heart?" Christina prompted.

"Is good. Are we good now, because I need food?" Meredith said as she pushed herself off of the bed.

"Were good." Christina sighed.

Meredith turned and left.

gagagagagagagagagaggagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith knocked on Richard's door and waited. There was no answer. Meredith turned to find Patricia. "Trish, do you know where dad is?" she asked.

Patricia looked her over before shaking her head. "I think he got called to maternity. Something about one of Dr Montgomery's patients."

"Oh ok" Meredith mumbled.

"Meredith Jane Karev Grey Webber", what do you need?" Patricia asked with a raised voice.

"I'm fine really, was just hoping to seek refuge in Dads office." She answered quickly.

"I would let you, but I can't do that sorry.' Patricia told her. "You know you can talk to me if you need to."

"Thanks Trish, but I'll go. I don't really feel like talking." She told her.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaggagagagagagagagagagag

Meredith found an empty on call room and curled up on the top bunk in the back of the room. She slept there. This was what she had 

needed. A quiet place to sleep. She was feeling tired after spending half the night talking to Derek.

She must have slept for an hour before her pager went off. Looking down at her pager, her eyes blurry from sleep. She had to sit up and wipe the sleep from her eyes.

Taking another look at her pager again she couldn't help but smile to see that Derek was paging her. Meredith climbed down off the bunk. She quickly fixed her hair before leaving.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaggagagagagaggagagagagagaga

"Mer your tests" Addie called to her as she walked towards the nurses' station on 4.

"What about them??" She asked, pausing to let Addison catch up with her.

"I want to do them today. Ok." she told her as she got closer. "It can be really uncomfortable. Plus I know your medical history. I just need you to get Derek's."

"I'm going to see Derek now, what time do you need me?" she quickly asked.

"I was thinking at 5, so in about an hour. Don't worry about Bailey. She already knows." Addie told her as she touched Meredith's arm.

"Alright, am I allowed to eat though because I haven't yet?"

"Mer eat, I can push the test back till you knock off from work. Take it easy today and eat!" Addie stressed giving Meredith a knowing smile.

"I'm fine Addie" Meredith told her as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh please Mer, no one believes that your fine." Addie told her, "Now go see shepherd and I'll move your appointment back to 7. Don't be late... and eat"

Meredith sighed. "Ok" before she continued down the hall


	15. surgery

Meredith met up with Derek. He was reading a chart. "Hey you" she said with a smile as she reached him.

"Hey" he replied as he returned the chart to its place. "I was hoping to grab something to eat. I've been in surgery up until now. W hat about you, have you eaten?"

"Not yet, I was going to do that now. I need to ask you a few things too." she smiled.

Derek looked at Meredith curiously. "That's fine, let's go." he told her as he reached for her hand.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

They had grabbed their food and were now seated inside the cafeteria in a booth. "So, I have a VIP patient flying in today." Derek opened.

Meredith smiled. "Are you boating?" she asked.

"Nope, but I do need an intern, and I was hoping that you would scrub in with me tomorrow." he beamed before tilting his head.

"What's the procedure?" she asked curiously.

"Well I need to remove her tumour pressing against her optical nerve, and later I will need to remove the tumour at the base of her spine." he replied.

"Interesting, sounds like a complex procedure. 2 surgeries in Neuro. I guess you are lucky that I have a liking for neuro." she smirked.

"So are you in?" he asked hopeful

"I'm in" she grinned.

"So you said that you needed to talk to me" Derek prompted.

"Oh right, ummm, Addie wants to run the tests tonight's when I knock off work, but she also wanted to know you Medical history. So she could know anything that might affect our baby's health." she spoke awkwardly.

"My patient gets here at 6. I'll make sure she is settled then I will come with you to your appointment Mer."

"You don't have to." she told him.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. Plus it makes it easier for me to answer Addison's questions. Then I hoped I could take you home for some dinner. I was thinking about grabbing some Indian." he told her as he turned to face her. "What do you think?"

"That'll be nice Der, but I have room mates." she said with a faint smile.

"I'm not talking about your house, the 'intern lodge' I'm talking about my place. You haven't been there yet." he told her as he ran a hand 

over her cheek.

"It will be nice to have you all to myself." he told her as he leant in to give her a kiss. "It's been too long" he murmured as he kissed her again.

"Hmmmm..." she moaned. "I've missed you."

"Not as much as I've missed you." he told her as he pulled back.

"So I'll pick you up from your locker" he told her as she took the chance to take a drink of her juice.

"ok, but from what I gather the test isn't going to be pretty." she told Derek.

"Hey, I'll be there to hold your hand, that's all I care about." he told her before giving her another kiss.

Meredith and Derek finished their food, and luckily so, as Meredith just got paged. "I've got to report to Bailey." she told him as she made him slide out of the booth.

"Alright. Hey I'll introduce you to our patient first thing tomorrow." he smiled before giving her a quick kiss. "You better go, bailey can be scary."

Meredith laughed. "you try growing up with her."

With that she quickly ran off, not wanting to keep Bailey waiting any longer.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Ellis walked into Seattle Grace Hospital. She made her way quickly to the elevator. She had donned a head scarf for her visit.

It had been a long time since she had been here. When she left she had cut ties with everything that had been her life. She didn't know if he was still here, or what had become of her children, and the thought had made her panic. She had dealt with the pain the only way she knew how. She had buried herself in work.

She had become invisible to those who had loved her. She disappeared. She had been broken, and even though she hadn't heard she assumed that her beautiful little girl who had glorious blonde hair and vibrant green eyes, had passed.

She had decided, on knowing that she had to come here that she would visit the cemetery and find where her little girl had been put to rest.

The elevator had been empty and she found her way to the surgical wing with ease. The whole time she had been gone, nothing had seemed to change.

"Can you please have Dr Shepherd paged." she asked, giving the nurse a once over.  


"May I ask who you are?" the nurse queried.

"You may ask, but it won't mean you will receive an answer. I'm his patient." She told the nurse curtly.

Minutes later Derek arrived. She smiled at him. "I see you have brightened since I last saw you." Ellis observed.

Derek grinned. "Let me take you to your room. You have the VIP room. I pulled some string to get the nurses to leave you alone. I have also managed to secure your privacy with the rule that only your treating physician can enter the room."

"I would love to stay and catch up tonight, but I have an appointment." he winked.

"A girl I am assuming. I would like to meet this girl who has made you smile so much. She has surely put a bounce back in your step."

Derek beamed, if all goes as planned, tonight I will make her my fiancé." Derek sighed "I just hope that her protective siblings will back off a little."

Ellis chuckled. "At least you know she's loved."

"I know that, but I honestly worry about her. She has been holding back key facts about her life. She's heavily guarded, and is convinced that I will leave her." Derek groaned as he ran his fingers through his 

hair.

"It sounds like she has been broken. Are you sure you're the person to fix her?" she asked, scared to see her young friend sacrificing himself for the girl he loved.

"Yes, besides we are going to have a baby." Derek grinned again.

"That's wonderful news Derek, I hope that I will get to meet her." she told him honestly.

"I will see what I can do."

With that Derek opened the door to room 636 and placed Ellis's bag down on the bed. "I will be in to see you first thing in the morning." Derek told her before giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"I hope for your sake Derek that she says yes." Ellis told him as he reached the door.

"Thanks Elle" He said with a smile.

He made sure the blinds were closed before he left.


	16. Thanks for that

Derek met Meredith outside her locker room. They went to their appointment with Addison and Derek answered Addie's questions before she proceeded with the tests.

Now Derek and Meredith were driving home, well to his home anyway. They had picked up their Indian dishes that Derek had pre-ordered and were almost at his place.

"Where are you taking me?" Meredith asked curiously. They were obviously on the out skirts of town.

Derek focused on driving up the gravel road, and through the gate that he had left open the other morning.

Meredith's eyes widened at the view in front of her. There was a little trailer with a veranda built on in the middle of one of the most beautiful pieces of land that she had ever come across.

"What is this place?" she asked as Derek pulled up.

Derek climbed out of the car before opening her door and leading her onto the veranda. Derek put down their take away. He pulled Meredith into his arms and sighed. "When I found out that I had the job here the first thing I did was go to the real estate website, scouring for our perfect home and I found this." he told her.

Meredith couldn't help but giggle. "A trailer is your perfect home?" she asked.

Derek shook his head. "No, I wanted this land to build our prefect home. I say our Mer because before I found this place I already knew I wanted to build us a home. A home four our family, which we are already starting. But I won't build that home Mer until I do this." He told her as he pulled away and dropped to one knee.

"Meredith you are the love of my life. My world spins only for you. I wake in the morning with the need to see your smiling face, to hear your melodic voice and to get lost in your eyes. I want you to feel my love as strongly as I feel yours. I don't want sleep over's, I want a home for you and me. But most of all Mer, I want you, I need you and I love you." Derek opened the box that had been resting in his hands. "Meredith Grey will you do me the greatest honour of becoming my wife?" he asked.

Meredith looked down at him. Tears were welling in her eyes. "You're not just asking because of the baby are you?" she asked hesitantly.

Derek shook his head. "No, I brought this ring 2 months ago. I have just had a hard time finding the right time to ask you. Plus I wanted your father's permission first."

Meredith was in complete awe. "You asked my dad's permission?"

Derek nodded. "I did unofficially yesterday and officially today. "he told her "but Mer, can you please give me and answer because the wooden decking is hurting my knee and your lack off an answer is breaking my heart.'

Meredith pulled Derek to his feet. She crushed her lips against his. "Yes Der, oh my god yes." she told him when she finally broke the kiss."

"Thanks for that" he sighed as he slipped the ring on her finger. "I can't wait to make you Meredith Shepherd." Meredith smiled at him as she laced her fingers with his.

"I better feed you now." he told her.

Meredith giggled, "yeah I am eating for two." she joked.


	17. the list

Derek picked up the take away before leading her inside. "Are you serious about building us a house Der?" she asked.

Derek nodded. "I already have the plans drawn up. I was waiting for your answer before giving the builders the go ahead."

"Wow you really thought things through." she smiled. "You could have moved into mom's old house with me and the others."

Derek laughed. "Never. I wouldn't be able to have you all to myself." he told her before he gave her a kiss.

The couple had settled down and happily began to eat their dinner. Meredith shocked Derek by having her second helping of butter chicken.

Meredith giggled. "I've always been a big eater; my mom was shocked because I could eat more than the boys."

Derek was curious. Meredith had mentioned her mother twice this evening. "Mer" he began as he put down his fork and wiped his mouth. "Can you tell me about your mom?"

Meredith studied Derek thoughtfully. "There's not a lot to tell." she said with a shrug. "My mom left when I was 9, never to be seen or heard from again. She didn't even divorce Richard. Technically their still married, she's just missing in action."

Derek was thinking hard. "Her leaving when you were 9 means she left 

when you were sick." he spoke confused.

Meredith nodded. "I had coded in my hospital room. She watched them fight to revive me, and then when Dad got back she said she was going to get a coffee and she left."

Derek looked shocked. "Who could leave their child alone in a hospital bed?"

"She thought I was going to die. I think, I guess, she couldn't handle it anymore. I understand her leaving me. I didn't. but I do now. But I never understood her leaving Dad. Lex or Mark."

Derek seemed to click with the realisation. "You didn't want to tell me about your heart because you were worried I was going to leave like your mother."

Meredith nodded. "I don't think I really would have been able to cope if you left me too. I have gotten used to people leaving me at one time or another. "she told him."The only people I have learnt to rely on is dad, Lex, mark, bailey and only recently Addie."

"Well babe you can add me to that list now." He told her with a big cheesy grin. "Because I don't intend on going anywhere."

Meredith smiled.

Later that night, naked and tangled up in Derek, she truly believed he wasn't going to leave her.


	18. who to tell

Meredith and Derek walked into the hospital hand in hand. Meredith proudly wore her engagement ring. "So who are you going to tell first?" she asked nervously.

He grinned and leant in to kiss her. "My VIP patient is my mentor and I told her last night that I intended on proposing so I guess her."

"Hmmmm" Meredith acknowledged.

"What about you?" he asked her.

"Well dad and the boys I guess. I'm thinking I'll do it now, before gossip begins." she told him with a smile.

"Do you want some company?" he asked.

Meredith thought for a moment, "I was going to do it alone." she paused, and noticed Derek's face drop. "But I think it would be best if we do this together."

Derek smiled at her, pleased with the answer. "Ok, well how about we do that now, and then while I tell my mentor, you tell Christina."

Derek kissed Meredith one more time.

"Ok, well let's go see dad now. We will page the boys on the way."

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Derek and Meredith sat side by side on the couch holding hands. Richard sat at his desk, occasionally looking over at the couple. He had busied himself with the paper work he had left the night before.

Mark and Alex walked in together and stopped in front of their Dads desk. "What's up pops?" Mark asked jokingly.

Richard raised his eyebrows at his sons. "Your sister wanted you here."

Mark and Alex nodded. Richard stood and moved to stand with his sons. "Well" Richard prompted.

"Ummm..." Meredith began. Derek squeezed her hand to encourage her. "Well Der and I... well were getting married."

Richard nodded. "Congratulations" he smiled and he stepped forward to shake Derek's hand. He then leant forward and kissed Meredith on her forehead.

Mark and Alex followed suit. "Keep her happy." Mark told him.

"Look after her" Alex warned as he too copied his father's actions.

"Right well then, I need to go to my VIP patient" Derek said jumping up.

"We have rounds" Meredith commented as she jumped up. "Mark if you see Addie, don't tell her. I'm supposed to be having lunch with 

her. I will tell her then."

Mark nodded and smiled.

"Oh and Alex, don't tell anyone. I need to tell Christina first." she warned.

Alex Laughed.  
"Whatever"


	19. feelings

Meredith and Alex hurried to the locker room and changed.

Meredith stashed her ring around a necklace that Derek had given her for graduation. Before joining the others on rounds.

Bailey shot Meredith a knowing look. She always knew things without a word being spoken.

Meredith tried hard to focus on rounds, but was too bubbly with her news. Alex was walking with Izzie and George while Meredith hung back so she could walk with Christina.

"Chris" she whispered, pulling her friends attention away from her chart.

Christina looked at her expectantly. "What's McDreamy done now?" she asked.

"Were engaged" Meredith blurted out.

Christina stopped. "You're what?" she asked loudly.

Their group stopped and turned to look at her. "I'm engaged" she sighed.

Bailey looked at the group, quickly stopping Izzie from gushing. "Grey, this isn't a tea party. Keep moving."

Meredith smiled at her cousin, thrilled that at that moment she had saved her.

The group passed room 636. The blinds were still pulled and Meredith looked at it curiously. She had to suppress the urge to go in. Alex had stopped and Meredith ran into him.

"Why do I feel a pull to go in?" Alex asked her confused.

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know but I am feeling it too."  


Alex took Meredith's hand. "You happy?" he asked.

"I am, but I feel like there is a massive piece of me missing." she sighed.

"Dad said the feeling goes away. But it doesn't" Alex told her.

"I've thought about looking for her, but she left because of me." Meredith looked at Alex. "She left because of me, but you guys don't hate me. I'd hate me. Sometimes I do hate me." she confessed.

Alex pulled her into a hug. "I couldn't hate you. I hate her though. She left when we needed her the most."

Meredith sighed "We better catch up Lex."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAG

When they had finished their rounds Meredith wasn't surprised to have been assigned to Derek. "You can be on his service today, but tell him he has to share himself around." Bailey told her.

Meredith left to go find Derek. He beamed at her when she reached him. "You ready to meet my VIP?" he asked.

Meredith nodded.

"Ellie is a surgeon and has devoted years of her time aiding clinics in 3rd world countries. I met her in Bosnia. She's very much my mentor. She's also like my 2nd mum." Derek explained.

"Are you sure you should be doing this then?" She asked, worried that he was too close to the patient.

"I wouldn't have any one else operate on her." he told her honestly.

"Hmmm..." she sounded in understanding.

"She was thrilled to hear about our engagement. I'm sure you'll love her Mer." He told her as he stopped in front of the patient's door and brushed his lips over hers.


	20. come again?

Derek opened the door as Richard opened the file on Derek's VIP patient.

"Hey Elle, I would like to introduce you to the future Mrs Shepherds." He stated as he walked in confidently.

Ellis sat up in her bed and looked the girl over. "Come in, I promise you I won't bite." She told Meredith

_Richard began reading over the file of 'Ellis Webber'. The name alone had alarm bells ringing._

Meredith drifted into the room and stopped next to Derek who was all smiled.

"Derek your fiancé seems rather shy. What on Earth did you tell the poor child about me?" she asked.

Derek gave her a sheepish grin. "I called you my 2nd mother."

Ellis smiled warmly.

_Richard didn't read much more of the file before he knew. His heart clenched with the hurt and the pain of the years before. He dropped the file._

Meredith smiled warmly at the patient but continued to nervously play with her ring.

"How old are you?" Ellis asked her before realising that she didn't even know the shy girls name. "Derek you've been rude not to fully introduce us."

"I'm 27 Meredith answered"

"Oh Sorry Elle" Derek replied as he put his arm around Meredith

_Richard ran his hands through his hair. She had been gone for 17 years and now she was back. Did she know he was here? He wondered as he pushed back his chair. He needed answers._

"Mer sweetie this is Dr Ellis Webber" he told her smiling. Meredith stiffened in his arms and suddenly started to breathe hard.

"Elle, this is Meredith, Meredith Grey." he said warmly, still yet to realise Meredith's ragged breathing.

Ellis's eyes widened. "Come again Derek?" she asked.

_Richard strode fiercely down the hall. He needed to see her to know if she was really here._

"I can't... I can't...Der" Meredith groaned as she struggled to breathe.

Derek turned to Meredith and immediately he began to panic. "Mer, you ok?" he asked.

Meredith continued to struggle to breathe.  


"Mer baby I need you to breathe." he pleaded.

Meredith shook her head. Her eyes didn't move from Ellis who was still sitting there in shock.

"I can't... I can't..." She said ragged. Tears were welling in her eyes.

Derek quickly ran to the door. He flung it open to catch site of Richard walking towards him. "Chief its Meredith."

Richard reached Derek in a few short strides. He entered the room quickly and gathered Meredith in his arms. "Go to the closet and get me a paper bag." he ordered.

Derek looked at Richard funny, but went anyway. Richard carried Meredith to the couch and sat down with her in his arms. "It's ok, Daddy is here, its ok." he continually repeated.

Derek got back with a paper bag and with Alex and Mark following close behind. "What the hell did you do to her?" Mark fired at him.

Richard snatched the paper bag from Derek's hands and gave it to Meredith. "Breathe Mer; I need you to breathe for me. It's ok, Daddy is here." he told her again.

Meredith held on tight to the paper bag, as she struggled to breathe into it.

Mark and Alex only just realised that they were in a patient's room. They both looked at the patient before looking at Derek again. "Is she your VIP patient?" Alex asked.

Derek nodded.

Ellis sat there still frozen by the people standing in front of her. Richard hadn't even looked at her, but she was sure that he knew who she was.

"Who is she?" Mark asked.

"You're not on a need to know. She's requested Doctors privileges." Derek answered.

"My little sister is having a panic attack. Now tell me who the fuck is she." Mark yelled.

Meredith began to sob now that her breathing had started to settle. "Mommy" she cried.

This seemed to crack Ellis, who now had tears forming in her eyes.

Richard held on to Meredith tightly.

"Dad?" the boys looked at him worried.

"Boys" he answered quietly, not knowing how to tell them that their mother, his wife, was the patient sitting in the bed.  


"I...I..." came the voice from the bed.

Derek snapped his eyes away from Meredith and looked at Ellis. "Ellie, you ok?" he asked as he rushed to her.

"Derek who is Ellie?" Mark asked again.

"Mark" Derek snapped.

"Tell me dammit" Mark yelled.

Ellis nodded at him. "Mark, Alex, this is Ellis Webber." he told them.

Next thing Derek knew he was flat on his back.

Alex had walked out of the room after screaming out an "I hate you". While Mark stood there nursing his hand.

Ellis cried harder, as Mark looked at her with intensity.

Meredith clung to Richard, no longer crying.

Derek forced himself off the ground and stood up.

"What was that for?" Derek asked, already nursing what he expected was a fractured jaw.

"My mother" he said pointing at Ellis before storming from the room.  


Richard finally looked up at Derek, before looking at Ellis.

Ellis could see the pain in his eyes, a combination of hurt, love and anger.

"Derek" Richard spoke. "I would like to officially introduce you to my wife Ellis Karev Webber, she is there mother."

Derek's eyes widened. "I'm so sorry Chief, I didn't know." he quickly apologised.

Richard put his hand up to silence him. "I need you to take Meredith to my office. Stay with her. I think I need to have a word with Ellis."

"But chief, she strictly wanted only her doctoring team." Derek protested.

"I am her husband, and the chief of surgery. I'm sure she would be willing to have this talk." he instructed.

Ellis looked at Derek and nodded. "Go" she told him, already hating the look in his eyes.

Derek scooped Meredith out of Richard's arms and left the room.


	21. you broke us

Richard remained on the couch. "Did you know that we worked here?" he asked.

Ellis shook her head.

"Were you ever going to contact us?" Richard asked.

Again Ellis shook her head.

"Well what then?" he snapped.

"I assumed Meredith had died. I was going to visit the cemetery and find her grave. I didnt think you or the boys would want to see me." she choked out.

Richard looked her over.

"You broke us. We were already struggling to keep together, and you broke us." he told her, Tears swimming in his eyes. "We didnt know if you were dead or alive. I even hired a P.I. to try and find you. You left when we needed you the most."

Ellis sobbed. "Im so sorry." she shook out.

Richard shook his head. "What kind of mother leaves her family and doesnt know if her children are dead or alive?"

"Richard" she cried through her sobs. "i couldnt do it. I love you. I love all of you, but i couldnt sit there and watch my baby die... i... i... 

have saved many lives... but i couldnt ... i couldnt... save hers... i felt helpless."

Richard moved to the bed, running his fingers through his hair. It was only now that he saw that she still wore her wedding ring. "I don't know what to say or do." he told her.

"I love you Richard, I've never stopped loving you... i...i have wanted to come home... i did... but i didn't ... know ... if you... would have me back." she sobbed.

"I love you Ellis, but i don't know if i can put them through this... you don't know what you've done to them." his tears slowly spilling over.

"Talk to them please... i know I'm late... i know i don't deserve it... but i want to know them." she cried.

Richard looked at her. His heart was completely broken. He didn't know what to say or do. "They're adults now. They make their own decisions. I'll talk to them, but i can't make any promises."

Ellis sighed, "to be honest, i don't even know how you are talking to me."

"Seriously. I was on my way to yell and to demand answers. But when i saw Meredith i knew that it wouldn't be the right thing to do." Richard told her. "But if you'll excuse me i have 2 sons and a daughter to check on." Richard nodded to Ellis before he walked out the door.


	22. dealing

Alex had headed for the roof. He needed air. He needed to escape. He needed to be and do many things. He wanted to stay and abuse his mother. Tell her how she had caused them so much pain.

He felt like he needed to explain what she lost, what her leaving caused.

Yet as much as he wanted to tell her all these things. He didn't really want to acknowledge that she was here. He didn't want to face her.

Alex walked to the edge of the building. Standing there looking over the edge. He didn't know yet if he wanted to yell or cry. So he just stood there and breathed.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Mark was nursing his hand. He had put all his emotion in that punch. How could Derek have been so stupid? Mark looked down at his busted hand. He really needed to ice it.

Mark reached the nurses' station. "Ice pack?" he asked. The quickly redirected him to the freezer in the nurses lounge.

Mark walked blindly. He didn't know where he was going. He hadn't though much about much until he found himself standing back outside her room.

Mark didn't go in as he felt there was nothing for him to say.

He couldn't think. He spotted Addie down the hall. He quickly called out to her. He realised then that she was what he needed. "You busy?" he asked.

"No birthing Mothers just yet." she explained.

Mark nodded; he then grabbed her hand and dragged her into the on call room. He closed the door and latched the lock.

"Mark?" Addie asked, realising the tension that rattled him.

"I need you Addie" he told her with sheer determination and pressed her hard against the wall. He kissed her fiercely. All his need going into the kiss.

He pulled away and ran his thumb over her bruised swollen lips. He dipped his head again and kissed her. Again he pushed up against her. His hands began roaming her body and he grinded his hips into her, causing her to moan.

Mark hiked up Addie's dress and pushed down her panties. Adie gasped when she felt his thumb rub over her clit and further into her moistening folds. His thumb caressed her momentarily before he pulled his hand away.

Mark began to work furiously on untying his scrubs, and Addie assisted him in pushing down his scrubs and briefs. She stroked his arousal twice before he lifted her legs so she could wrap them around his waist. And without further hesitation he thrust into her.  


Mark didn't give her a chance to adjust to him. He automatically just started pumping into her. He pumped hard and furiously. Driving into her like this could be there last time.

Addie moaned in what was a mix of pleasure and pain. Her body stretching to take more of him with every thrust.

Marks thrusts got faster. His need for a full release growing. He strived to get deeper. Mark moved his lips away from hers as he focused all he had on his thrusts and driving her to the edge.

Mark felt Addie's body shiver and then clench. He continued to thrust feeling her cum around him.

Mark was only a few steps behind her before he released inside of her. Crying her name out loud.

Some what sated he rested his head on the wall next to her.

Addie began to kiss his neck.

Mark groaned as he made himself withdraw from her. Letting both their bodies fall to the cold floor.

Mark pulled Addie into his arms. "Thank you" he murmured to her as he kissed her forehead.

"I love you" Addie told him as she rested her head on his shoulders.  


"I needed to hear that." he confessed.

They both rested in each other's arms.

Marks pager sounded.

Mark groaned as he reached over and pulled it off his scrub pants.

"Its dad" he groaned. "Come with?" he asked.

"It could be about a patient" she offered.

"It's not" he told her as he reached for his brief as well as Addie's panties.

Addie looked at him curiously as he stood up and started to get dressed.

Addie stood and slipped her panties back on.

"Come with" he instructed as he held his hand out to her.

Addie fixed her dress and her bun before taking his hand. She figured that at least she will find out what triggered this moment.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek sat nervously looking at Meredith who had gone quiet. She was curled up on her father's couch with her knees pulled to her chest. He reached over and ran his hand through her hair.

Meredith didn't flinch or pull away in fact she leant into his touch.

"Mer" he began "I'm sorry I didn't know."

Meredith looked up at him and then back in front of her. She was numb. For so long Ellis had been gone. There was a time that she had lived in hope that her mother would come home. Now she was back and she was sick. Now that she knew she wanted nothing more than to give her mother the same treatment that she had received. But she wasn't her mother and Meredith knew that she wouldn't be able to walk away from her.

Derek didn't know what to say or do. His mentor was his fiancés mother. A woman who had abandoned her family. A woman who had walked away from her sick child.

Derek and Meredith continued to be silent. Derek had no words to comfort, console or anything else. He had no idea what she could possibly be going through or feeling.

It wasn't until Meredith stood up and made her way to the door that Derek spoke again. "Mer?" he asked.

"I need to think." she told him as she walked out.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith reached the roof and walked across it. She had intended on being alone and just thinking. She couldn't talk to Derek about this because she knew he didn't understand. But when she saw Alex, she knew he needed her just as much as she needed him.

Meredith walked over to him and joined him. Sitting looking over the city. "I guess that pull to go in the room was a real pull." she told him.

"It's pretty scary that we could sense her after all this time. We just didn't recognise it because it's been so long." he said still looking forward.

"Derek does the first surgery tonight, and as much as I want to walk away from her... I can't" she sighed.

"How could he not know who she was?" Alex asked, frustrated and voicing his thought.

"I only told him about her leaving last night. I didn't say her name." she said with a shrug. "What is quite ironic is that he described her to me as his mentor and 2nd mother. I mean how crazy is that, she will technically be his mother in law. He has more of a relationship with her than her own 3 kids put together."

Alex put his arm around her. "I don't know what I want to do about this. I don't know if I can look at her, or even hear her voice."

Meredith sighed. "I don't really know what I want either. But I do know I need answers from her. I need to know where she's been and why she never came back."

"If you want me there I will be. You know we do these big things together. Well we used to anyway." Alex dropped his arm.

"We still do." she told him as she reached around and took hold of his hand. "I've just got the bad habit of pulling away. I didn't mean to pull away from you. You're the only one that gets me."

Alex and Meredith sat quietly. Both comfortable after sharing their thoughts. They rested against each other. Their pagers sounded together. Looking down they both sighed. "Dad" they groaned before standing up.

"I guess we better hear what he has to say." he told her.

Alex took her hand and helped her up. "Come on" he said. He kept hold of her hand as they set off.


	23. she's one of us

Mark reached the Chiefs office, Addie trailed in behind him. Ricahrd was sitting looking at the family photo. He looked up at Mark who stood in front of him. "Take a seat, your brother and sister should be down soon." Richard told him.

"Where are they?" Mark asked.

"I'm guessing the roof. You know they used to always go up there to think." Richard explained.

Sure enough Alex and Meredith walked in together.

Meredith looked around to see that Derek was no longer there.

"He's just getting his jaw checked. I think it might be fractured." Richard told her.

Meredith nodded; she had forgotten that Mark had hit him.

"Are we having a family meeting or something?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, something like that." Richard sighed.

"So what does she want? Im guessing you spoke to her." Mark aimed at Richard.

"Can i start with one thing and get to that?" Richard asked.

They all nodded.

"Apparently she didn't know we worked here. She assumed Meredith had died and she was scared to come home." Richard groaned.

Alex put his arm around Meredith.

"What kind of Mother doesnt know if their child is dead or alive?" Mark grumbled.

Meredith sighed and leant into Alex.

"She looked just as shocked to see Mer as Mer was to see her." Richard noted.

"Anyway, some how she knows Derek." Richard continued.

"They met in Bosnia." Meredith said quietly. "Der was telling me that she is like his 2nd mom."

"Ok, well moving on." Richard spoke. "she wants to know you guys. Ive told her that it is up to you. Im guessing you've all got questions for her.:

They all looked at each other, not really wanting to admit that it was true.

"Why dont you guys make a list of questions that you want to ask her?" Addi offered.  


Meredith sighed. "Can i think about this?"

Richard looked at Meredith. "You do know she is undergoing surgery this afternoon." he reminded her.

Meredith nodded. "I believe in Dereks ability." she advised him.

"Thats good to hear." Derek spoke as he entered the room. His jaw was slightly swollen.

"Just a small fracture, nothing that wont heal over time." he told the group. Derek walked over to where Meredith was nestled up against Alex.

"You ok?" he asked her as he ran his fingers through her hair.

Meredith nodded. "Im fine"

"Yeah right" Addie mumbled.

Meredith shot her a look.

"Mer said you met Ellis in Bosnia." Richard mentioned to Derek.

Derek sighed. "Yeah, she moved around the 3rd world countried doing surgeries for the Red cross crew. I met her in Bosnia and we became close."

"You didnt hear anything about her family?" Richard asked.

Derek shrugged. "she's as guarded as Mer on somethings. I knew she was married because she wore a wedding band. She never mentioned her children. I asked her abouther family, if she had one, but she never spoke about it."

"Sorry about your jaw." Mark told him. "Its just you dont know what it means for us to see her again."

Derek nodded. "Its ok. Just neither of you throw anymore punches. I dont think i can handle being laid out again."

Meredith raised her hand and ran it across his jaw. "You ok?" she asked

Derek nodded again. "I dont think you should be in on the surgery not that we know that she is your mother." he told her "But if you want to pick the inter to scub in , you can."

Meredith looked at Alex, who shrugged. "Instead of an intern, can you take Bailey instead?" she asked.

Derek looked at Richard. "She's one of us." Richard explained. "I'll bump the one she has scheduled and let her know who it is and that we want her in there."

Again Derek nodded. "I think if you guys want to see her, you should talk to her before the surgery because tomorrow she will be a no go 

zone."

Everyone nodded.

"Ok. well can we all go in together?" Richard asked.

"Id prefer pairs, or groups of 3." Derek told them.

Richard nodded. "Addie, if Mark wants to go with you, that will be ok. I assume Mer and Lex want to go in together." he noted.

Meredith and Alex nodded. "But what about you dad?" Alex asked.

"I will be there with all of you. Im going to clear my schedule and sit wiht her. I too have questions for her." he explained.

"Ok, well do you want to monitor her for me, since my intern really should be reassigned?" Derek asked Richard.

"No Der, i can monitor her progress. I just wont scrub in. I'll be fine, really." Meredith almost pleaded. "This way i can show her that i am very much alive." she forced a smile.

"Ok, just dont push it Mer, if it gets too much, come find me." he instructed.

"Whatever" she mumbled.

"Promise me" he asked her.  


"Fine, i promise" she sighed,

"Right well i have patients to check on." he told everyone. "Do you want to come with Mer?" he asked.

Meredith sighed. "Ok". She pulled away from Alex. "I will page you when i am ready to talk to her." she told Alex.

"Will chat to you guys later" she told the others as Derek slipped his arm around her.


	24. barely

Derek and Meredith walked down the corridor. Meredith had been quiet from the time she had left Richards office. It was frustrating Derek.

"Look Mer, I really want you to start talking to Me." he told her as he stopped them in the middle of the corridor.

"Der" Meredith sighed.

"No Mer. You're my fiancé and the love of my life. You need to open up to me. I may not understand what you're going through, but I need to know. I need to know so I can be there for you and support you." Derek told her as he took hold of her hands.

Meredith searched his eyes and all she could see is love. Meredith finally nodded. "Tonight"

"That's all I ask" he sighed as he pulled her into a hug. "I know Addie is there for Mark, and she will be in there for him when he talks to your mother. If you want me in there, I will be."

Meredith looked at Derek. "This is something Lex and I need to do together." she told him. "But you know what, I'm going to talk to you about it at lunch, and maybe we could talk together with her a little later."

"Ok, if that's what you're going to offer, that will do for now." he replied as he pulled her into his arms. "I love you, don't forget it."

Meredith smiled against his chest. She took the chance to breathe him in. "Love you too Der."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Meredith needed to go in and check in Ellis, so she figured it was as good as time as any for Alex and her to have a chat with her.

Meredith quickly peaked in and saw that only her Dad was in there. She turned and went and paged Alex.

Meredith waited outside the room until he arrived.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Alex asked her.

Meredith nodded. "There is so much we need to know."

The pair then proceeded to enter.

"Hey Daddy" Meredith smiled before rubbing her chest.

"Mer" he smiled.

"Dad" Alex nodded.

"Mer?" Richard looked at her curiously. She was still rubbing her chest.

"It's ok dad, just a little saw after the panic attack." she explained.

"Did you take your Meds this morning?" he asked concerned.

"Yes Derek forced them down my throat, along with a good strong breakfast." she smiled.

He just raised his eyebrows.

"I promise I'm ok." she told him as she dropped her hand from her 

chest.

Neither Alex or Meredith had yet acknowledged Ellis, who sat back and watched the exchange carefully.

"You still have heart problems?" Ellis asked concerned.

Meredith just stared at her. She really didn't want to discuss the state of her heart or anything else about her.

Sensing this, Ellis shifted uncomfortably.

"We had a scare the other night because Meredith skipped her meds for a few days due to morning sickness." Richard explained.

"Dad" Meredith snapped.

"Meredith Jane, Your mother asked a question. You should answer it." he reprimanded her.

"Dad, I think this is one thing Mer didn't want to discuss with her." Alex spoke up.

"And why not?" Richard asked.

"Because that's the reason she abandoned us." Alex told him.

Ellis sat back in bed and Meredith started recording her stats.

Ellis looked between her two children. "You both seemed to survive without Me." she noted.

Meredith stiffened.

"You have no idea what we've been through, what we've overcome." Alex bit.

"Why don't you tell me?" Ellis encouraged.

"Excuse me, but" Alex began

"Alexander, sit down." Richard cut in.

"Ellis, I think you need to talk about yourself before you can expect them to open up." Richard informed her.

Meredith replaced the chat and went and sat down in the furthest corner of the room.

Ellis tracked her movements, still shocked that she was still seeing her daughter alive.

"Ok, so I have been moving between third world countries with the red cross as a surgeon. I have also ventured to IRAQ and AFGHANISTAN. That's what I have been doing for 17 years. I couldn't help Meredith so I left to help those that I could." Ellis summarised.

"You abandoned us." Alex snapped.  


"You survived." Ellis said quietly.

"Barely" Meredith muttered.

"What?" Ellis asked.

"Did you not think this family would fall apart?" Alex asked, "You were our mother. Do you know what it was like for us? Of course not, you ran away." Alex vented.

Richard stood and moved to where Alec was standing. Richard rested a hand on Alex's shoulder effectively calming him down.

"Dad, I can't do this." Alex told him. "I'm sorry Mer." he apologised before leaving.

"He's very angry." Ellis commented.

"What do you expect Ellis. Both boys are. You have no idea of the damage you caused when you left." Richard replied gruffly.

"Why won't people tell me them. Yell, scream, cry." she stated.

"Seriously, if they unravelled for you, they wouldn't be able to mend. I have two very angry boys and one very insecure little girl. How about I tell you what you want to know since you're going to answer them so nonchalantly." he told her.  


Ellis looked at him. "There my children" she argued.

"You forfeited the right to be there mother when you left not to be seen for 17 years." Richard snapped.

"Meredith come talk to me." Ellis coaxed, ignoring Richards frustrated look.

Meredith stood and moved to Ellis's bedside.

"You want to know about me?" Meredith asked.

Ellis nodded.

"I...I... almost killed myself because of you. I put Dad and Lex through hell and they had to drag Mark home from college to fix me. I have issues. I love Derek and am engaged to him. Am pregnant with his child. Yet I have trust issues and a fear that he might leave me. All my issues, my insecurities, are because of you. I survived despite your lack of faith and your abandonment. I don't have a mother. She died when I was 10. Deal with it." she said sadly. She then turned and gave her dad a hug. "I've got to go. I can't be here right now. I need to breathe."

Meredith reached the door and turned back to look at her mother. "I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear that but I am not going to let you feel good from thinking that we did alright without you, because all we did was survive. Dad pulled us from the wreckage of our broken home. 

You don't get to feel better about yourself." With that, she wiped the tears off her face and left.

Ellis put her head in her hands... Meredith's words echoing through her head.

"What did I do? What did I do?"


	25. advice

True to her word, Meredith paged Derek.

_Need you, roof, Mer_

Derek received the page as he entered a patients room. He looked at the page and quickly excused himself.

Reaching the roof in minutes Derek found her standing on the ledge overlooking the city.

"Mer" he said quietly, he hoped not to startle her. "Mer, move away from the ledge, your making me nervous."

Meredith climbed off the ledge but still faced the city.

Derek moved closer and wrapped his arms around her. He thought about speaking first then decided to give her time.

They stood there, moments passing, as she relaxed into his arms. "Do you know why i come up here?" she asked.

Derek remained silent.

"I come up here to breathe, to escape, to fly." she told him. "I come up here because i don't have to worry about what's going on in there"

Derek's grip tightened on Meredith.  


"Lex and i wandered up here when they first told me about my heart. He told me that it would make me breathe easier. Since then, this has always been where we would come when things got too much."

Derek nuzzled her neck. "Everybody just needs a place where we can just stop."

Meredith sighed. "When i couldn't leave the hospital and mom had left. Alex would wheel me up here in my chair and push me around in a dance. Dad used to get so angry with him, but it was what i had needed to keep going, to stay hopeful."

Derek stayed quiet. He could hear the change in her voice.

"Do you know she aced like her leaving had no effect on us. That she hadn't destroyed our world. How dare she. I mean, if she had any real idea, then maybe she'd show some regret or something." Meredith finished.

"Did you tell he?" Derek asked. "Did you tell her what leaving you did?"

"Vaguely" Meredith mumbled.

"She's a doctor. She needs details, scans etc. Show her, help her see." he attempted to reach her emotionally.

"How do i do that?" she asked.  


Derek though for a moment. "Your hospital records are here. Give them to her to read. Collect photos, anything to show her what you've been through."

"I don't know if i can go in there again." she sighed.

"You can Mer, I'll go with you. I'll help."

They remained quiet for a long time. Meredith turned in his arms. "I love you Der" she told him before she looked up into his eyes.

He could sense that she wanted something. He was too scared to ask what.

"Der" she whispered, "can you dance with me?" she asked.

"Gladly" he replied as he pulled her into him and began to sway to the music in their hearts.


	26. in the arms of an angel

_Spend all your time waiting for that second chance. _  
_For the break that will make it ok_  
_There's always some reason to feel not good enough_  
_and its hard at the end of the day_

Alex stared at the photo in his wallet. Mother and Son. His heart broken. Questions torturing his mind. He holds hope of mending. Frustration and loss over taking him. The broken little boy inside him just wants to run and hide.

_I need some distraction, oh beautiful release_  
_Memories seep through my veins_  
_They may be empty and weightless and maybe_  
_I'll find some peace tonight_

Addison and Mark enter Ellis's room. "Mom, this is my wife Addison." he introduces. Addison nods her head. "It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs Webber."

They sit and Addison keeps hold of Marks hand as he struggles to talk about himself to a woman who should have already known. Memories coursing through his mind of a mother lost and a love no longer known.

_In the arms of an angel fly away from here_  
_from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear_  
_You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie_  
_You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here._

Derek held Meredith close. Breathing her in as they swayed. He had no idea how anyone could walk away from someone so special. So unique. Conflicted by his friendship with Ellis and love for Meredith. He hoped that things could be resolved and Meredith's heart could begin to mend.

_So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn_  
_There's vultures and thieves at you back_  
_The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies_  
_that you make up for all that you lack_

Richard watched Ellis battle with her emotions. Marks words had been painful. His stories empty of life. As empty as he felt remembering his unfulfilled promises that mom would be coming home. He was a storm in a tea cup. His emotions were threatening to spill over. He couldn't help wonder if her words were promises, like their wedding vows, or their love and life was all a lie. Did she ever really love him?

_It don't make no difference, escaping one last time_  
_Its easier to believe_  
_In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness_  
_That brings me to my knees_

Meredith pulled back from Derek. Spinning out of his arms she couldn't help but do a pirouette before running back to his arms. "I've lost so much, but you offer so much more." she choked. She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him softly. Her tongued slipping to paint his bottom lip before gaining entry to caress his.

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all." he whispered to her.

"True, but I could never lose you." she whispered.

"I'm glad you paged." he told her as he dipped his head to capture her lips once more.

_In the arms of an Angel fly away from here_  
_from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear._  
_You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie_  
_in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here._

"Did you ever really love me?" Ellis heard him ask.

"More than I could ever admit" she sighed.

Ellis beckoned him to her bedside. He approached hesitantly. She pulled him onto the bed and urged him to lie back on the bed. "Let me hold you." she whispered.

She let him rest his head on her chest.

"Can you hear my heart?" she asked. "It was broken by my own mistakes and fears. But it beats and will continue to beat, only for you."

Richard lifted his head to Ellis's warm words. "Not a lie?"

"No lie" she replied and she lifted her head and kissed him softly.

_You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here._

"Alex is you ok?" Izzie asked as she rested her hands on his shoulders.

"I love you Sloan" Addie whispered to Mark as they held each other in the closed confines of his office.

"I won't turn away again" Ellis told Richard as she continued to hold him close.

"I am where I belong." Derek sighed.

"In your arms, everything feels right and my world just stops." she tells him with a smile as again they stand facing the city. Meredith snuggled up close.


	27. the bag

"Derek, I have the stuff." Meredith told him as she shifted nervously.

Derek looked at her with his soft eyes.

"Dad let me duck home. Can you... Can you come with me?" she asked.

Derek smiled. "Ok I've just come from shaving her head. We'll e operating in 2 hours. Don't go wearing her out."

"I won't" she said quietly.

Derek pushed back from his desk and went to her. "Let's show her what she's missed."

"Let's" she responded as her fingers intertwined with his.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGGAG

Meredith and Derek arrived at Ellis's room. "You ready?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded.

Derek knocked lightly on the door before leading Meredith into the room.

Richard looked up and was surprised to see Meredith.

Ellis watched her daughter walk closer. She could tell Meredith was weary.

"You came back." Ellis commented, somewhat surprised and yet relieved.

"I may like to avoid things but I don't run." Meredith replied quietly.

"Oh" Ellis whispered.

"Mer" Richard went to reprimand, but decided to hold back. Instead he asked. "What's on your mind baby girl?"

Meredith looked nervously at her father. "Ummm... I told you I was going home to get some things for mom and I ... ummm... I have them here."

Ellis's eyes widened.

Richard looked at the bag Meredith was carrying. "What did you bring her?"

Derek wrapped and arm around Meredith who was trembling from nerves.

"She... well ... she wanted to know what she missed. So... I ... ummm brought in some things to show her." she stumbled.

Richard nodded.  


"What did you bring me?" Ellis asked curiously.

"A lot really." Meredith sighed.

"Well come on then." Ellis gestured.

Derek could feel Meredith's uncertainty. "It's ok Mer, just remember I am here." he whispered in her ear.

Meredith reluctant to break away from Derek stepped closer and put the bag on the bed, causing Ellis to sit up.

Derek stepped up with her before gesturing to the couch.

Meredith took Derek's hand and followed him there.

"It should be enough." Meredith whispered as she shrunk into his embrace.

Ellis looked at Richard and then over to Derek and Meredith.

She warily opened the bag. The first thing she pulled out was Meredith's medical records.

Richard looked over at Meredith confused.

Meredith buried her head into Derek's shoulder.

Ellis unclipped the folder and pulled on a pair of reading glasses.

She sat there looking professional as if she were studying a patient's chart.

"You got a new heart 4 months after I left I see." she noted. "It says here that you were admitted for heart problems again when you were 15. It also says that you had neglected you meds and were border line anorexic. The stress on your heart was massive and you were kept in for months before your doctor was satisfied that you were eating again and that your heart was regaining strength."

Richard looked pained. He had images running through his head of that visit of an exhausted Meredith and her skinniness.

"How could you do that to yourself?" Ellis asked sternly.

Meredith didn't answer.

"It then states that you were monitored regularly until you were admitted a few nights ago. All it says is that you had missed your medication for a few days. Again what were you thinking?"

"Morning sickness." Meredith murmured.

Ellis looked over at Meredith with a stern look.

"Ellis it's not your place to judge." Richard warned her.

"What do you expect? The strain she has put on her heart from neglecting herself..." Ellis said frustrated.

"Don't go there." Derek warned.

"But" Ellis went to protest.

"Do you really want to hear that Meredith blamed herself for you leaving and that the anorexia and refusing her meds was her way of punishing herself for chasing you away from us?" Richard finally asked her.

"What?" Ellis asked in shock.

"What I'm guessing isn't in that bag and her medical records is her psychologist report which not only links her insecurities to your abandonment but also explains all her other issues and that she went through a self destructive phase." Richard advised her.

"Meredith?" Ellis looked over at her daughter who had retreated into Derek's embrace.

Derek looked up and shook his head at her.

The sound of Meredith sobbing finally filled the room.

Ellis sighed as she continued going through the bag of things that Meredith had brought in.


	28. STILL SORE

Amongst the rest of the bags contents was a scrap book of each child. Ellis couldnt help but smile at the photos. Her breath caught at Mark's graduation and again at his wedding.

She smiled at the photo of Alex dressed for spring dance. Again, the graduation photo shocked her, yet warmed her heart.

She struggled through Merediths. There were many photos of Meredith in hopsital. She was shocked to see the lights on the roof top and Alex dancing with Meredith. There were no photos of Meredith ready for spring dance and her graduation photo broke her heart. Addison, Mark, Richard and Alex surrounded her. The only person missing was her.

Ellis curled up on the bed and closed up the book. She then looked at what remained in the bag. It was a collection of words, songs, poems and diary entries. Years worth of little black books.

Ellis looked at Richard who had stiffened at the sight of them.

"What are these?" Ellis asked Richard.

"Ummm... Mer... baby girl ... you've brought in your journals. Are you sure you want to let your mother read them?" he asked.

"She needs to understand Daddy." she sighed.

Richard nodded. He then noticed her rubbing her chest again. "Baby girl are you ok?"

"Still sore" she sighed.

"How sore?" he asked as he moved from his position by Ellis and stepped in front of her.

"It comes and goes." she moaned.

Richard looked at Derek who was looking worried.

"Her panic attack this morning was big and also would have been quite a strain." Richard explained. "Baby girl you should go sleep. You need to let your body repair itself not let it encounter further stress. Derek, can you take her to an on call room. Make sure she sleeps. Mer baby, if it still hurts after your nap i want you to go speak with Burke."

"But" Meredith whined.

"No baby girl, i only have doctors on my services who are taking care of themselves. We understand your limits. You need to. You also need to remember that you also have a baby growing inside of you. That's another person you need to consider."

"Fine" Meredith grizzled.

"That's my girl." Richard replied before helping her stand. He gave her a light kiss in her temple. "Go sleep."

Derek stood behind her and nodded to Richard and excused himself.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Why didnt you tell me?" Derek asked as he removed her shoes before then removing his. He sat them al down by their lab coats and other accessories.

"It passed earlier. I didnt think it would be back. It doesnt usually last." she sighed.

Derek sighed.

Meredith laid back and reached for Derek.

"Lay with us." she invited.

"Us" she said quietly running a hand over the slight bump that was forming.

Derek forced a smile and laid down next to her. His hand rested protectively on her stomach.

"Hold me." Meredith asked.

Derek looked at her and could see that she was feeling insecure.

Derek nodded and pulled her into his arms.

"Next time i'll tell you." she whispered. "It's just"

"Your insecurities?" he asked.

"Yeah" she sighed.

Meredith lifted her head and lightly kissed Derek. "I do love you Der." she told him. "I'm learning to tell you these things. I really am."


	29. DANCING

The gallery to O.R. 1 was closed off as Derek worked on removing the tumor that was pressing on Ellis's optical nerve.

_Ellis had been quiet when Bailey had come and collected her and movd her to the pre-op section._  
_Miranda had recognised Meredith's journal that lay open on the bedside table. Ellis watched the young woman closely and had read her badge. "She gave them to me to read." Ellis advised_  
_Miranda nodded. There wasn't anything she could think to say to her. To the woman who was technically her aunt._  
_"I didnt realise that my leaving would do that to her, to him, to them."_  
_Miranda looked her over. "You didnt think about leaving before you did and you didnt think of them when you did it."_  
_Ellis sighed._

"I think Meredith broke Ellis's heart today." Bailey told Derek as he focused hard on the surgery.

"The journal Ellis had been reading was left open on a crucial page. A page Ellis should not have read. I knew what was on that page without having to read it because i was the only person she ever gave permission to read them. I didnt read another word in her Journal for a long time after that. Ellis, i dare say will be the same."

Derek looked up confused.

"I'm just saying if Ellis wants to fix things with my family that i hope she came into surgery with the right frame of mind."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Meredith, Alex, Mark and Addison sat in Richards office. Alex had an arm around Meredith who had been extremely quiet.

"Do you have a CD player?" Alex asked, finally breaking the silence.

Mark shook his head, while Addison nodded.

"Mine is in my office." Addison told him.

"Meet us up on the roof. I'm just going to grab out CD." Alex instructed.

Richard sat alone in Ellis's room. He couldn't identify exactly what he was feeling. He stared blankly at the bedside table until he realised that Merediths journal was sitting there open.

Richard had never dreamed of ever reading it before. He stood and walked over to the book.

Tempted he may have been to pick it up and read it. He couldn't bring himself to do so.

"Dad, we are going to the roof to dance." Alex told him as he ducked 

his head in through the door. "Come with, you can't sit in here all night."

Richard looked back at the book and then at Alex.

"I've thought about it too." Alex told him. "But if she wanted us to, she would have given them to us."

Richard nodded.

He walked over to Alex and put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go."

Alex plugged Addie's CD player in and ran a line from the roof. He then took their CD and put it in the player.

Meredith stood off to the side waiting.

Mark stood with Addie. His arms wrapped around her,

Richard looks on.

Alex skips to their song.

Alex walks up to Meredith and takes her hand. He leads her to the middle of the helicopter launch pad as the music introduced the song.

_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band.  
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man.  
Ballerina, you must have seen her, dancing in the sand.  
and now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand _

Alex danced with Meredith, her head resting on his shoulder.

Mark led Addie out to join them, while Richard watched them.

_Jesus freaks out in the street  
Handing tickets out for god.  
Turning back, she just laughs.  
The boulevard is not that bad._

Piano man, he man, he makes his stand.  
In the auditorium  
Looking on, she sings the song.  
The words she knows, the tune she hums. 

Alex sang to her with ease. He held her tight. Both knew that they were escaping their fear as they moved around the roof.

_But oh how it feels so real  
Lying here with no one near  
Only you and you can't hear me  
When i say softly, slowly_

Hold me closer tiny dancer,  
count the headlights on the highway  


_Lay me down in sheets of linen  
You had a busy day today._

Hold me closer tiny dancer,  
count the headlights on the highway  
Lay me down in sheets of linen  
You had a busy day today.  


Mark twirled Addie and brought her back close to him. She snuggled up to him, her arms wrapped around his neck.

_  
Blue Jean Baby, L.A lady , seamstress for the band.  
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man.  
Ballerina, you must have seen her, dancing in the sand  
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand._

But oh how it feels so real  
Lying here with no one near  
Only you and you can't hear me  
When i say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer,  
count the headlights on the highway  
Lay me down in sheets of linen  
You had a busy day today.  


_  
Hold me closer tiny dancer,  
count the headlights on the highway  
Lay me down in sheets of linen  
You had a busy day today.  
_

As the music came to an end Richard approached them. "May I?" he asked Alex.

"You know what song." he then tells him. Alex nods and returns to the CD player.

Addison and Mark clear the spot and go stand by Alex, letting Richard and Meredith have their moment.

"Daddy daughter moment." Addie said with a smile.

"I guess they'll dance to this at her wedding." Alex finished

_We will fly, way up high, where the cold wind blows  
Or in the sun, laughing having fun with all the people that she knows  
And if the situation, should keep us seperated, you know the world wont fall apart.  
And you will free the beautiful bird that's caught inside your heart._

Can't you hear her, oh she cries so loud, casts a wild note over water and cloud.  
That's the way its going to be little darling, we'll be riding on the 

_horses yeah yeah  
Way up in the sky little darling, and if you fall I'll pick you up, pick you up. _

Richard kissed Meredith on the top of her head.

_You will grow and until you go. I'll be right there by yourside.  
And even then, whisper the wind and she will carry up wour ride.  
I hear all the people of the world in one birds lonely cry.  
See them trying every way they know how to make their spirit fly._

Can't you see him, he's down on the ground  
He has a broken wing looking all around.  
That's the way it's going to be little darling  
You'll go riding on the horses yeah yeah  
Way up in the sky little darlin  
Oh and if you falll i'll pick you up, pick you up. 

"How's your heart baby girl? Richard whispered in her ear.

"It's ok daddy, the sleep worked." she replied.

"Good baby girl, you took some big hits today with your mom. I'm proud of you."

"Just doing what was needed."

"You ok?"

"I'm not dead." she said as she cuddled up to him.

"No baby girl, you're not dead."

_Thats the way it's going to be little darling  
You'll go riding on the horses yeah yeah  
Way up in the sky little darlin  
Oh and if you falll i'll pick you up, pick you up_

Thats the way it's going to be little darling  
You'll go riding on the horses yeah yeah  
Way up in the sky little darlin  
Oh and if you falll i'll pick you up, pick you up  


Richard continued to hold Meredith close. "Thanks for dancing with me Daddy." she whispers

"My pleasure Baby girl."

Meredith hugged him tighter.

"I'm proud of you Mer."

"Thanks"

Richard kissed her lightly on her head. "Love you." he whispered.

"Love you too daddy."

"My turn" Mark insisted as he split the pair up. Richard stepped back from Meredith and let Mark cut in.

Mark nodded to Alex, sho pressed the play button

__

Well the good lord is such a good lord  
with such a good mother too  
they have blessed me  
they have blessed me  
in the good graces of you  
now i... have heard a hundred violins crying  
and i... i have seen a hundred white doves flying

but nothing is as beautiful  
as when she believes  
when she believes  
when she believes  
when she believes  
in me.

"I love that you each have a song with Mer." Addie commented to Alex and Richard.

They both nodded.

"Chin up Mer, Derek will do his best, and well, Mandy is Mandy." Mark tried to reassure her.

"You trying to convince me or yourself?"

"Both i guess"

_  
How good it must feel to be so young, young and free  
and a song that pleases a queen, will always please me  
now i... i have heard the wisest of wisdom  
and i... i have dined in palaces and kingdoms._

but nothing is as beautiful  
as when she believes  
when she believes  
when she believes  
when she believes  
in me

"I wont run from her Markie. But i dont know if i really want her here anymore."

"I guess we don't really have a choice."

"We will have to see what she decides to do after this."

"and again we have to cop it on the chin."

"We'll be ok?"

"Sure"

_  
Now all of life, is just passing the time  
Until once again, your eyes look into mine  
now i... i have been adored by a stranger  
and i... i have heard the whispering angels_

But nothing is as beautiful  
as when she believes  
when she believes  
when she believes  
when she believes  
oh when she believes  
in me

"Believe Mer... believe that we can survive another hurdle."

"I'll believe you... when you believe it yourself."

"I got told i would find you up here." Derek interupted them.

Meredith held onto Mark as they moved back towards the family.  


Derek smiled awkwardly.

"Things went well, i was able to get it all."

"Her sight?" Richard asked.

"We wot know until she wakes up." Derek told him.

"I'll take you guys to see her." Derek offered.

Derek nodded and reached for ehr hand.

Mark gave her shoulder a squeeze. He leant in and whispered to her "Nothing is as beautiful as when she believes."

Derek looked between the two confused.

Richard rested a hand on Alex's shoulder.

Mark pulled Addison to him when Meredith was snuggled into Dereks arms.

The 5 of them walked with Derek as they made their way to the one person who had turned their worlds upside down.


	30. curiosity

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

After Ellis was moved back to her room, Mark, Addison and Alex made their way home.

Richard remained seated on the couch.

Meredith sat in the chair by her mother's bedside.

Derek stood in the door way leaning on the door frame. Aplastic bag was in his hands.

Meredith could feel his presence. She shifted in her chair before turning and looking towards him.

"Hey" Derek said quietly.

Meredith smiled at him before looking down at the plastic bag.

"I figured we could all use a bite to eat." he reasoned.

Richard looked up at Derek.

Meredith nodded; inviting him into the room.

"I'm still learning what it is that triggers your nausea so i tried to play it safe."

Derek bent down and kissed her softly.

"So what did you get?" she asked.

"I got you spag bol. Richard, i grabbed you the same." Derek informed them both.

He handed Meredith her container of food and sat a bottle of water on the bed infront of her. He then took Richards over to him.

They all ate quietly. Meredith even had some of Derek's chicken and mushroon. That caused Derek to chuckle.

Once finished, Richard excused himself so he could go and get some necessities so he could crash on the couch for the night.

Derek took this chance to Broach the topic Bailey had raised during surgery.

"Mer, Bailey was worried about what your mother had read before surgery." Derek spoke hesitantly.

Meredith looked up at him concerned.

Derek then gestureed to the open book.

"Oh"

"Bailey said she knew the page well and that it had stopped her from 

touching your Journals."

Meredith nodded. "I can tell you what's on that page without you even showing me." she whispered.

Derek looked at her oddly.

"Is it that you want to read it?" she asked.

Derek was not sure how he should answer.

"Der, i understand your curiosity." she sighed, "and in my efforts of opening up to you i am going to let you read it. But only those double pages. No more of the journal. You can't judge me. You can't comment or even gesture."

Derek looked surprised.

"Are you sure Mer?"

"Yes before i change my mind." she warned.

Derek reached for the book, and hesitantly looked over the two pages.


	31. journal entry

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

The page was covered in torn images. Images of her mother and the few she had found of Thatcher, In dried blood the words 'GONE' were written at the top of the page.

On both sides in red texta were the lyrics of two songs. Songs that had worn a hole in her aching heart.

_  
Well i never lived in the great depresion.  
Sometimes i feel as though i did  
and i dont have answers for every single question  
but that's okay cause i'm just a kid_

well i've seen pictures on my mother  
when she looked exactly like me  
and i've seen all my friends running for cover  
running from something they can't see.

And it's not easy to get a handle on my life  
but i have tried and tried again.

But i still cry just like a baby  
and i answer back to feel a little free  
and i still fly even though i'm gonna fall  
but i'm too far gone to let it get to me.

_Well i'm not much like my generation  
their music only hurts my ears  
and i dont hide my pain to save my reputation  
its too hard to keep up with these years._

and it's not easy to make a habit disappear  
but i have tried it time and time again

but i still cry just like a baby  
and i answer back to feel a little free.  
And i still fly even though i'm gonna fall  
but i'm too far gone to let it get to me.

and it's not easy to get a handle on my life  
but i have tried it time and time again.

But i still cry just like a baby  
and i answer back to feel a little free  
and i still fly even though im gonna fall  
but i'm too far gone to let it get to me

Along the side Meredith had wrote

"and its not easy to make a habit disappear... it's too hard and i'm too far gone.  
i'm sorry!"

On the other side of the page

**Over the sea and far away  
she's waiting like an iceberg  
waiting to change  
But she's cold inside  
she wants to be like the water**

all the muscles tighter in her face  
buries he soul in one embrace  
they're one and the same  
just like water

the fire fades away  
most of every day  
is full of tired excuses  
but it's too hard to say  
i wish it were simple  
but we give up easily  
you're close enough to see  
you're on the other side of the world to me.

On comes the panic light  
holding on with fingers and feelings alike  
but the time has come  
to move along

the fire fades away  
most of every day  


**is full of tired excuses  
but it's too hard to say  
i wish it were simple  
but we give up easily  
you're close enough to see  
you're on the other side of the world to me.**

Can you help me  
can you let me go  
and can you still love me  
when you can't see me anymore

the fire fades away  
most of every day  
is full of tired excuses  
but it's too hard to say  
i wish it were simple  
but we give up easily  
you're close enough to see  
you're on the other side of the world to me.

At the bottom of the page she wrote

"Let me go...as i fade away.

This is my goodbye."


	32. oh brother

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

Derek had tears running down his face as he closed the book.

"You... you didnt want to live." he choked out. "You said... you wrote... goodbye."

Meredith sat looking over at him. She couldn't deny that that was her intentions.

"When... what... i dont understand."

Meredith moved to stand beside him. "When i refused to eat and refused my medication." she explained. "I knew i was killing myself ... i wanted to die... i couldnt see a reason to live."

Meredith moved to stand between his legs. She ran a hand through his hair.

Derek pulled her close and he rested his head on her stomach. He cried into her shirt, his body wracked with the hurt and pain of her goodbye.

"I'm not that girl anymore Der. I was a girl in pain who couldn't see what i hd or how i was hurting the people that loved me. They didt let me go Der. They fought for me and taught me how to fight."

"You're fighting?"

"More now than ever. I have so much more to fight for. Der. I have you."

Derek and Meredith remained in their embrace for a long time. Eventually his sobs died down and the comfort of each other overwhelmed them.

"I take it this is why Bailey said she stodded reading your journals for a while?" Derek asked quietly.

"I was depressed... i wanted to die... but dad... Alex... and Mark... they showed me that there was so much to live for." she struggled through. Her hands ran up and down Derek's back.

"If they hadn't i wouldn't be engaged to you or carrying our beautiful baby." Her hands ran through his hair. "and there's no better way to be."

Derek looked at her confused.

"I love you Der, and i love that i am engaged to you and that i am carrying your baby. My past is my past, and yes i am insecure but i am learning babe. I am opening up."

"You're opening up." he repeated.

"To you and only you." she bent down and kissed the top of his head.

Derek pulled Meredith onto his lap.

She snuggled into him before kissing him softly yet passionately.

"can we got to an on-call room?" derek asked.

Meredith nodded. "sure"

Meredith stood and helped Derek up.

"be careful in that on-call room. That's where your brother was concieved." Ellis croaked.

"Mark?" Meredith asked.

"No Richard." she said as sje began to move to sit up. "Richard Elliot Webber." she said quietly.

"Wait, what?"

"When i left i didnt know. I didnt know i was pregnant. I found out 3 months later."

"Ellis?" Derek asked shocked.

"He's at a boarding school in New York. He... he..."

Meredith looked at her in shock.  


"Does dad know?"

"Not yet, but i'm going to tell him. Richie knows about the family i had before. he knows the truth about everything." Ellis finished.

"Oh god, i have a brother."

"We're leaving. We can finish this in the morning." Derek cut in. "Today's been too much. Her heart can't take all the emotional stress. I don't want another panic attack."

Meredith was looking at her hands, not knowing what to say.

"Meredith, everything is going to be ok. In time it will be ok." Ellis reassured her.

Meredith didn't say or do anything. She just let Derek guide her from the room.


	33. alive

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

Instead of going to an on call room Derek decided to take Meredith home. He opted for her place because it was closer.

She was now pacing around her bedroom.

"Why, why did she tell me?" She asked him. "Why not one of the boys?"

Derek watched her pacing. "I have no idea." he sighed.

She stopped and looked at him. "How did you feel when i told you about our baby?" she asked.

Derek shrugged. "It's different. I'm not finding out that i have a teenage broher. I was excited to hear that we were having a baby together."

Derek reached for her and pulled her over to the bed. "Stop worrying about all this. You need to rest. We can talk about this in the morning."

Meredith sighed. She knew he was right.

As she moved to climb into bed, Derek did the same.  


"Do you think she will tell Dad tonight?"

"Mer" Derek warned.

"Ok stopping" she sighed.

"Thank you" he whispered before he kissed her softly.

"You need to sleep."

"Good night Der." She sighed as she found herself at ease in his arms.

"Night Mer" he replied before running a hand over her abdomen. "Night baby" he whispered before falling asleep,

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

He approached the nurses desk slowly. He was nervous about being here. His mother had called him just yesterday and had told him to come. She had mentioned that she would be having surgery which he had already known. But she had also mentioned something about his brothers and father. She had choked out something about his sister too. The sister he had been told had died, or was assumed to be dead due to cardiac problems.

"Hi, I'm here to see Ellis Webber." he spoke to the short woman reading over her chart.  


"Excuse me?" Bailey asked as she turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry." he apologised. "Dr Bailey" he greeted as he read her name on her lab coat. "I'm here to see Dr Ellis Webber. She's a patient here."

Bailey raised her eyebrows. "There is a strict watch on the visitors to her room."

"Ahh... i see." he said quietly.

Derek watched the exchange from where he stood.

"Look i just really want to see her. She knows i'm coming. She called me yesterday." he added.

"Ellis was in hospital yesterday." Bailey replied.

"I am well aware of that." he answered.

"Look she called for me to come here." he sighed. "I have every right to be here. Can you please just take me to her."

"You're too young to be one of her colleagues." Bailey noted.

He couldn't help but roll his eyes. "What is this the 3rd degree?"

"She's my aunt." Bailey scolded.  


"Well she's my mother." he bit back.

Derek's head shot up. "Shit" he cursed himself.

"Excuse me?" Bailey asked looking dumbfounded.

"Sorry i really should have introduced myself." he answered quickly. "Mom would kick my arse for being so rude. I'm Richard Elliot Webber. My frieds call me Richie."

Richie shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh my god" Bailey groaned.

"Can i see my mother?" he asked worried.

"Ummm... i guess." Bailey answered.

"I will take him." Derek offered as he moved forward.

"You know him?" Bailey asked bewildered.

"Elle told Meredith last night." Derek sighed.

"God how many hits is that girl going to take?" Bailey groaned.

"Excuse me?" Richie asked "Did you just say Meredith?"

"Yes" Derek answered.

"My sister is alive?"

"Very much so." Bailey replied.

"So mom ran off, because she couldnt watch her daughter die only for her to live. No wonder why she was so confusing on the phone." Richie stated . "Oh god, i'm going to meet my family." he murmered in realisation.

"Look on the bright side, at least you know about them, cos they don't know about you." Bailey replied.

"Come on" Derek sighed. "but i'm warning you, they might not be very welcoming. It was a big shock to their system seeing their mother yesterday."

Richie shrugged as he followed Derek to his mothers room.


	34. richie

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

"Ellis woke late last night. Her vision is still in tact. We will be operating again in 2 days time. " Derek informed Richie before he opened the door.

Richard was seated in the couch flicking through paper wor. He looked up at Derek and was confused as a young man walked into the room. Derek nodded at Richard before slowly walking away. He did not want to interfere in what was going to be an explosive meeting.

Richie made his way to his mother's bedside. and leant in and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"You came." Ellis sighed as she slowly opened her eyes.

"Your neurosurgeon pcks up and moves to Seattle to chase some woman i assume. Your having back to back surgeries. Of course i'm here. I wanted to be here in the first place." Richie told her as he took her hand.

"I'm sorry sweetie... and i know i confused you on the phone yesterday, but i needed you." Ellis offered.

"Don't apologise." he whispered.

Richard watched the interaction confused.  


"Are you ready?" Ellis asked Richie.

"I was born ready." he chuckled.

"Richard" Ellis called.

Richard stood and moved to stand by Ellis.

"I have something to tell you and i dont want you to get angry. You need to know that i didn't know when i left and when i found out i didnt know how to come back." as Ellis spoke he could hear the fear in her voice.

"Ellis?" he asked nervously.

"Richard, i would like to introduce you to our son. Richard Elliot Webber." Ellis smiled lightly.

Richard looked dumbfounded. He looked from Ellis to Richie.

"Oh God." he whispered as his breathing picked up and he grabbed at his chest.

Ellis began to worry.

Richards body began to shake.

"Get help" Ellis told Richie.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Richie ran into the hall and called "help, i need help in here."

Derek was by the nurses station with Meredith when he did so. Both came running.

They followed Richie into the room.

Meredith gasped at the sight.

Derek rushed to move him into the chair beside the bed. "Grab me the ventilator and page Burke." he ordered.

Meredith was reluctant to leave her fathers side, but did what she was asked.

On returning she began to hover and fuss.

"Come on Dad, slow down and breathe for me. Calm down." she whispered to him. Her hands running over his shoulders to help him relax.

Burke entered as Richard began to steady.

"What happened?" Burke asked

"It seemed like a panic attack." Meredith told him, "but he was clutching at his chest, so could have been a small heart attack."

Burke raised his eyebrows.

"I was worried about his heart." Derek added.

"We will run some tests." Burke replied.

Meredith smiled lightly.

"and how have you been Meredith? No more problems?" he asked.

"Panic attack yesterday left me feeling sore. A good sleep cleared me up though." she answered.

Burke nodded. "We need to talk about it in reference to your pregnancy later." he informed her.

"Would you like me to schedule an appointment?" she asked hesitantly.

Derek moved closer to Meredith. He was concerned about her and the baby. He hadn't thought about any complications that might occur.

"We could do this over lunch." Preston answered, "but it may be best if we do this in my office. I can schedule in for 11 tomorrow morning."

Meredith looked at Derek and sighed. "It's my day off tomorrow. Der what do you have?"

"I can bump my surgery back. This is more important."

Meredith was nervous and nodded hesitantly.

Derek put his arm around her waist before turning to Preston. "Tomorrow at eleven in your office." Derek informed Burke.

Burke nodded before focusing back on Richad. "Ok Chief., i need to get you in the wheel chair so we can go run some tests."

"I'm fine." He told Preston.

"Cheif shut up. I'm doing this test not for you, but for Meredith's piece of mind." Preston bossed.

Richard groaned.

"Please daddy." Meredith pleaded.

"Ok baby girl." he sighed.

Meredith kissed him softly on the cheek. "Thanks daddy."


	35. be there

Burke left to grab a wheel chair. Derek shifted uncomfortably. Meredith sighed as she turned to him.

"You don't mind do you?" she asked nervously.

"Mer," he sighed as he pulled her to him. "I'm glad you looked to let me in."

"Well it is about our baby." she told him.

Derek kissed her on her forehead. "Everything will be fine."

Ellis cleared her throat.

Meredith turned to her placing a hand on Richard's shoulder.

"Meredith can you page your brothers please." she asked.

It is only now that she see's the young man who she can now assume to be Richard, the brother she had been told about.

"You didn't tell him first?" she asked.

"Meredith?" Richard asked confused.

"Last night she told me." Meredith sighed turning to her father. "Derek and i were about to leave and she told me, and then she said she was going to tell you." Meredith confessed. "I wanted to tell you, i did."

"Shhh... Baby girl it's ok." Richard lulled her as he piked up on her early signs of a panic attack.

"I'm sorry daddy." she whispered as Richard pulled Meredith onto his lap.

"It's ok baby girl it's not your fault." he soothed her.

Derek bent down and kissed her forehead. He hated that Richard could instantly calm her. He wished he could.

Derek then pulls out his pager and pages the boys.

"Page Addison for Mark." Richard spoke quietly.

Derek quickly did so as Burke entered the room.

Derek bent down ad scooped Meredith off of Richards lap so he could get up and into the wheel chair. Burke was waiting.

"Couldn't we just do it here?" Richard asked.

Richie remained silent as he watched his father climb into the wheel chair.

"We could if there was enough room for two beds, but there isn't." Burke replied.

Meredith was snuggled up into Derek's chest.  


"Good thing you're my intern." Derek chuckled.

"Not that Mandy is too happy with that." She replied.

Derek chuckled. "You survived to tell the story."

"Who is Mandy?" Richie asked.

"Ummm my cousin... well i guess our cousin." Meredith replied.

Richard shook his head.

"Mer, the boys are on their way. Be there for Lex, I think he's going to need you." Richard told her.

Meredith sighed. Derek lowered her to the ground.

"We will probably be on the roof later." Meredith informed him.

"I'm your father, i always know where to find you." he told her with a chuckle as Burke then led him out of the room.


	36. digest this first

Meredith looked to Derek who had kept his arm around her waist. She shifted nervously. She had yet to talk to her mother or Richie.

Derek pulled her close and wrapped his other arm around her bringing his hand to rest on her stomach.

Meredith sighed as he shifted his hand under her scrub top. He chuckled when he felt her squirm. "You're starting to show." he whispered as he then moved to nuzzle her neck.

"I hope i didn't get paged to see that." Addison quipped.

Meredith blushed.

Addison looked at her curiously. "The baby ok?" she asked.

"It's fine." Meredith smiled.

Addison frowned.

"Really it is." Meredith promised. "Right Der."

Derek beamed. "The baby is wonderful."

"Please just sit." Meredith encouraged. "Mark and Lex will be here soon."

Addison nodded and moved to the couch.  


Mark and Alex rushed into the room. "You paged?" Alex asked a look of concern on his face.

"Sit" Derek told them.

Mark looked at Derek and folded his arms in defiance.

"Please Mark." Meredith pleaded.

Mark frowned, but did as he was asked and moved to sit beside Addison.

Alex didn't move.

Meredith turned to Derek, who let her go. She then moved forward and took Alex's hand.

"Guys, Dads just gone with Burke. We are worried that he may have had a severe panic attack or a small heart attack." Meredith told them.

Mark froze. Addison quickly put an arm around him, while Alex stepped back. "He's ok" she reassured them, "he's just getting some tests done. But that's not why you were paged."

Alex looked at Meredith. It was obvious that she was worried. Meredith sighed and Derek stepped forward and rested a hand on her shoulder.

Addison was running her hand up and down Mark's back.  


"When mom left," Meredith said through her shaky breath. "When Mom left, she, she was pregnant." she finished.

Alex's head shot up and looked over at Ellis. Mark had tensed up and Addison just stared at Meredith.

"We... we have a brother." Meredith stammered.

Richie stepped forward. "Hi guys, i'm Richard, Richard Webber."

Richie stood there uncertain.

Alex didn't say or do anything. His expression was unreadable.

Mark moved away from Addison. He felt like breaking something.

Meredith watched as her brothers were breaking. She felt helpless. She had had all night to digest the news.

Ellis remained quiet the whole time. She was busy observing her children's reactions.

"I... i need air." Alex said quickly.

"Me too." Mark added.

"I'm... i'm coming too." Meredith sighed, Derek squeezed her shoulder.

Addison sighed knowing that right now this was something that they needed to do.

Meredith reached for Alex's hand again. Mark nodded and they slowly left the room.

Addison moved from the couch towards Derek. "You'll get used to this." she whispered. "But let's go to the roof. That's where they are going, and they'll need us soon."

Derek nodded. "We'll be back in later to do your obs." he told Ellis.

Richie stood with his head hanging down.

"They'll come around." Derek told him. "Just let them digest this first."

Richie nodded and watched them leave the room


	37. insecurities

Alex and Meredith sat on the ledge looking out across the ocean. The city stretched out before it. Mark stood behind them.

All were silent. The events of the last couple of days rolling through their thoughts.

Alex pulled his photo out of his pocket.

"You carry that?" Mark asked.

Alex nodded.

"Oh Lex." Meredith sighed.

Mark and Meredith looked at Alex and then at each other.

Meredith's shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry guys. She left because of me."

Mark sighed as he moved to sit on the ledge next to Meredith.

"Do you know that i could never really hate her." Alex whispered as if it were a secret. "I just hated that she left."

Meredith closed her eyes. "I didnt hate her. I just hated me. I hate me more now because we missed out on our brother. Because i couldnt see how much you boys have been hurting too."

Alex put his arm around Meredith and Mark took hold of her hand. "Don't hate yourself for a decision she made." Mark told her. "She chose to run away. She chose no to come back. She was the one who kept him from us."

Meredith sighed. "So what are we going to do now?"

"I don't know" Alex sighed.

They sat there quietly not knowing what they should do.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Addison and Derek stood by the door watching them.

"They're really close." Derek noted.

"Yeah, they really care about each other." Addison said.

Derek sighed.

"They're not a closed group Derek. It just takes time. Meredith is really letting you in. The boys will too soon." Addison tells him.

"Meredith met my family 4 months ago. Just before her grad. She had a massive panic attack, and slept for half of the day." Derek sighs. "I didn't know about her heart condition."

"It's not something that she broadcasts. Derek, it's her insecurity." Addison reminds him. "Her mother left because of it. What do you expect?"

They both turn when they hear the door open.

Both were shocked when they see Richie walk past them towards the others.

"Will they kill him?" Derek asked.

"No... but i don't know what they are going to do." Addison groaned as she looked on with concern.


	38. not just me

Richie approached tem nervously.

"Ummm... can i join you?" he asked.

All 3 of them turn and look at him. Meredith sat quietly. Mark looked at Meredith and Alex. Both shrugged their shoulders. "Fine" Mark grumbled.

Richie looked at Alex and then at Mark before deciding to sit next to Mark.

'Wise decision' Meredith thought.

"So" Richie started nervously. "this sucks."

All 3 of them look down the line at him.

"Try being us." Alex grumbled.

Meredith put her hand on Alex's leg and gave it a squeeze.

"Moms told me all about you guys." Richie continued. "Well of what she remembers before she left."

Mark groaned. "Are you trying to get to a point?"

"Umm yeah... it's just i get you didn't know about me, but i've always known about you." he said nervously.  


"Except you would have been thinking that i was dead." Meredith spoke quietly.

"Well... yeah... that sucks." Richie stammered.

Meredith looked at him with raised eyebrows. "I'd jump off this ledge if it sucked that much but i dare say my fiancé might be a bit pissed. Not to mention the baby i am carrying."

"I... I... didn't mean it like that." Richie said quickly. "It's just ... i mean... mom left because she couldn't watch you die... and well you didn't die... which means mom missed out on a lot... and i didn't get to know my family... i mean it sucks."

Alex groaned. "I think your point is that she ran. Either way if Mer died or not it was a mistake that sucked."

Richie ran a hand over his head. "Yeah, that's it."

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Derek and Addison finally decided it was appropriate to move towards them now.

When Derek reached Meredith he slipped his arms around her, giving her a scare.

"Gees Der, you trying to give me a heart attack?" she exclaimed.  


Derek frowned.

"Too soon Mer." Mark nudged her when he noticed the look on Derek's face.

"Sorry Der" she sighed as she leaned back into him.

Richie looked nervously at the new additions.

"Hi I'm Addison Sloan. I'm Marks wife." Addie introduced herself.

Richie shook her hand.

"I'm Derek Shepherd." Derek smiled. "I'm Meredith's fiancé. We met earlier."

"Shepherd?" Richie asked.

"Yeah" Derek nods.

"So the woman you chased out here is Meredith... I was right." He said smiling.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked.

"It's just... i said to mom.. oh don't worry." Richie sighs.

"You can't offend me anymore than you already have." She tells him 

with a small smirk.

"It's just... i just... look... mom was happy that i came. I told her that i had wanted to be with her from the start, and that i assumed her neurosurgeon had moved out her chasing a woman... and ... well you're the woman." he explained.

Meredith laughed.

"You should be thankful that i did come out here, otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here." Derek told him.

"Well not really. You see Mom had a stint in Bosnia planned. She was going during November, and i well... i planned ... i had looked up dad on the net and was going to rock up for thanksgiving." Richie answered.

"And what, you were going to stand there with a big grin on your face and say 'hey dad, im your son'?" Mark asked.

"Well yeah... i mean when you put it like that." Richie started.

"Mark leave the poor boy alone, he's really nervous." Addison spoke up.

Derek was rubbing Meredith's shoulders.

"Well i can see Marks point." Meredith spoke up. "I mean Der, look at how Dad reacted today. Plus, what about us. I mean Mom abandoned 

all of us. We didn't know anything about him, at least he has heard about us."

"Not to mention how your heart would have reacted." Alex added.

"Not just my heart people, but what about you guys. That's what i'm talking about."

Alex's pager went off. "Burke" he muttered. Next minute, Mark and Meredith's went off too.

Both looked down before looking at each other. "Burke" they muttered.

All 3 of them moved off their spot and stood.

"Richard?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded.

"We all will go" Addie told them.

Mark looked expectantly at Richie. "You coming or what?" he asked.

Richie, even though he was shocked by the gesture, quickly stood.

Alex led the group, with Mark and Addie walking behind him. Derek followed with his arms around Meredith, and Richie was at the back.


	39. long lost son

Meredith and the gang reached the room to which burke had paged them. They all filed in, Richie following hesitantly.

"Burke" Mark began.

"Ok guys lets talk." Burke began, as he moved to Richards bedside.

Meredith shifted nervously.

"Richard suffered as Meredith initially suggested a severe panic attack. It elevated his heart rate significantly but he appears to have now settled and seems ok." Burke explained.

Meredith let out a sigh of relief.

Derek pulled her close.

Mark nodded to Burke while Alex stepped forward and thanked him

Richie shifted nervously. "So i didnt' kill him?" he asked. "Thats good."

Preston turned to look at him and gave him an odd look. "and you are?"

Richie looked at Meredith and the boys.

"He's my son." Richard spoke up.

Burke turned back to the chief.

"When Ellis left, well she took a part of me with her." Richard explained.

Burke nodded. "I'm preston burke, head cardiologist." he introduced.

"Richard Webber, long lost son." Richie replied.

Burke looked at Mark who nodded. "Alright then, well, he's good to go."

Richard sat up and removed the ventialtor. "Good"

"What now dad?" Alex asked.

"You will all go back to work, as will i and Richard will go back to his mother." he answered.

"Richie, dad, call me Richie." Richie told him.

Richard nodded. "Well Richie, you should go back to your mother."

Richie nodded.

Meredith sighed. She quickly turned to Derek. "Are we going to check on mom?" she asked.

Derek could see the concern in her eyes. "Yeah we can start with her."

Meredith smiled and leaned in and kissed him softly.

"Dr Shepherd." Richard said sternly. "You are currently at work can you please keep your hands off of your intern."

Derek stepped back from Meredith. "Sorry Chief."

Meredith groaned.

"Dr Grey, you have work to get to. Please dont fraternise with your attending, and keep your relationship out of work." Richard added.

Alex and Mark chuckled.

"Now all of you disappear. I have to get changed and then i have work to do."

Meredith stepped forward. "Love you Daddy" she whispered.

Alex and Mark moved forward and placed a hand each on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you are ok dad." Alex told him.

Mark stood there a moment longer. "It's all good dad."

Richard nodded.

"Good to hear you are ok richard." Derek cut in, before anybody else could speak.

"Looking good Dad" Addie said with a smile.

Richie nodded at his father before following the others out of the room.

"We will walk with you." Derek told Richie.

Richie nodded

Derek took Merediths hand and Meredith smiled at Richie.

"Let's go" Meredith said as they slowly made their way back to Ellis's room.


	40. head whirling

Meredith's head whirled with thoughts of Richie. It was strange that she was concerned so much about someone she had just met. It was obvious that he hoped to form a relationship with their father, but he was scared and nervous. Who wouldn't be considering he had a family of adult siblings that he was just meeting and a father who had a bad reaction to the news. The whirling thoughts and the concern were hard to shake, but she somehow managed to do so, so she could scrub in on Derek's craniotomy.

She had found the situation confusing, and hated her mother for having done this to her family. She had a brother. A brother that no one else had known about. How was anyone supposed to deal with that. Let alone feel bad about leaving him alone with their mother after their father had dismissed them.

Meredith found herself down in the basement stretched out on an old bed trying to read up on Derek's upcoming surgery on her mother. While she wasn't allowed in there she wanted to know exactly what he was going to do. Her mind was battling with the want to read the text book and the fact that her mind kept wandering to ichie.

Christina climbed up on the bed next to her and Meredith groaned knowing that she definetly wouldn't be able to focus now. Pushing the text book away, she then rolled onto her back and looked up at Christina.

"So your dad had a sever panic attack." she opened.

Meredith rolled her eyes but didnt answer. She was expecting Christina to make a point. When she didnt continue Meredith answered with a yes.

Christina nodded. "You've been pretty busy lately. What with the baby, the heart and the mother?"

Meredith sighed,

Christina pulled her knees up to her chest. "Are you still my person?" she asked.

Meredith studied her closely. "Of course."

"It's just... forget about it." Christina sighed.

Meredith shook her head. "Look Chris, you can always talk to me, you know i'll listen. Things have just been really crazy lately."

Christina looked at her carefully.

Meredith shook her head. "Chris what's going on?"

Christina looked at her hands. "I'm pregnant."

Meredith looked at her wide eyed. The shock obvious. "You're pregnant?" she exclaimed.

Christina frowned. "Keep you voice down."

Meredith stayed staring at her. "How can you be pregnant? I didn't even know you were sleeping with someone."

Christina rolled her eyes.

"Christina, how could you not tell me?" she asked half shocked half hurt.

"You know i don't do that shit." Christina answered.

"Christina" Meredith exclaimed. "Who have you been sleeping with?"

Christina groaned. "It doesn't matter."

"Christina" Meredith appealed.

"No, Meredith it doesn't matter. He has too much going on right now to worry about this." she sighed. "I am an intern. I can't do this?"

Meredith tilted her head. "What am i?" she asked. "I'm an intern and i'm pregnant."

Christina glanced at her. "This is different."

Meredith laughed. "How so?"

"You've been with Derek a year, me, we've been sleeping together for a month." Christina told her. "I'm not going to do this alone."

Meredith sighed. She went to say something more but the others arrived.

Alex was carrying a tray of food for Meredith. "Dere wanted you to eat." He told her as he put the tray down in front of her.

Meredith sat up, not before shooting Christina a look that said. "We're gonna talk about this later."

Christina glared back at her a look saying that she needed to keep her mouth shut.

"So what's going on?" Izzie asked as she jumped up on the next bed resting her head on George's shoulder.

Meredith and Christina looked at each other before looking at Izzie. Both shrugged in response.

"Fine you have your little thing." Izzie sighed.


	41. i can't fathom

****

Meredith and her added worry of Christina, decided that studying was pointless. She had finished eating the food that Alex had brought down before opting to go up and check on Richie.

As Meredith stepped on to the elevator she contemplated what it would take for someone to terminate the pregnancy or keep their child from their father. She surely wouldn't be able to do that and she hadn't. Derek had moved to Seattle to be with her and now they were engaged and Derek was calling builders to start on their new home.

The thoughts whirled in her head. She was considering the differences between Christina and her mother. She wondered why or how could anyone possibly contemplate teminating a baby, or even want to. She had been so moved by the fact that she was growing a person inside of her. A life that was a small piece of her and Derek.

Yet the thought of keeping a child from it's father was such a big thing too. She could never have dreamt of doing such a thing. She could not imagine raising a child alone, or even choosing too. Although it would never have really been an option for her as her brothers and father would have been there for her.

Meredith stepped off the elevator and could hear her father's booming voice, but it wasn't until she started moving down the hall that she could hear what he was saying.

"How could you Ellis?" he yelled.

Meredith didnt hear her mothers response.

"You left, and yesterday... yesterday you told me that you still loved me, and yet you do this. " he yells.

Meredith reaches the doorway to see her father standing at the foot of the bed glaring up at Ellis.

"I told you that i still loved you. I've raised your kids. 'yours', not mine... like they are my own flesh and blood. And to be honest, i may as well be. I'm the only family they have... I love them... but you deny me of my own child... How... how do you live with yourself?" he asked in his rage.

"Dad" Meredith sats as she steps into the room.

"No" he states as he turns to look at her. "I have missed out on 17 years of my sons life because of this selfish bitch. Do you not understand how hard it was for me. I watched you almost fade away, not once, but twice. While she ran for the hills."

Meredith sighs as she walks to his side. "Dad please." she whisperes and she reaches out and rests her hand on his chest.

She can see the pain in his eyes.

"I'll pick you up... i'll pick you up" she whispers to him

Richard softens slightly as he looks down at her.

Meredith aims to block her mother out as she pushes herself in between him and the bed. She wraps her arms around him and rests her head on his chest. One of her hands runs up and down his back, slowly calming him down. "It's ok dad, you are allowed to be angry." she tells him. "What you've said is true... but you know yelling doesnt solve anything."

She turns to look at her mother. "Where is Richie?" she asks.

Ellis wipes the tears from her eyes and sighs. "He is in the cafeteria." she replies.

"Good" Meredith answers. Turning back to Richard she orders "Dad, go spend time with your son."

Richard nods and gives her a quick squeeze and leaves the room. He doesnt look or say another word to Ellis. Meredith turns back to her mother. Her thougths whirling faster through her head.

"I cant fathom how one could possibly keep their child from their father." she begins. "You should have told him yesterday... he was in your room for a whole day and you didnt tell him. You really are a selfish bitch."

With that Meredith turns to walk to the door. "Meredith" Ellis says quietly.

Meredith turns to look at her. " Don't say my name... dont even talk to me right now. I dont know how you do what you do... i dont know how you live with yourself." she adds before she leaves. She cant help but hate her mother just a little bit more.


	42. philandering

**Sorry it has been so long since i have updated. There is no real reason for it. Just the fact that i have been plain lazy.**

**i hope you all read and enjoy.**

**Cheers**

**Katie**

Meredith had tried hard to keep herself busy with other patients for the rest of the day. She refused to go back to her mothers room and opted tovisit the nursery and was shocked however, when she ran into George infront of the nursery looking in at the new babies.

"Talking to yourself again?" she asked as she moved to stand by him.

"Yes... no... dammit" he replied. "I can't even lie about that. I'm a terrible sponge." he reprimanded himself.

Meredith chuckled at him. "Sponge huh?" she asked and George groaned in response.

"So your sponging for the Chief i take it?" she pressed.

George sighed. "Do you know how much stuff is going on in this hospital?"

Meredith giggled. "I grew up here. I know better than most."

George eyed Meredith carefully. "He gave me this one job to do and i can't." he groaned. "Yesterday he gave me sponge duty until further notice." he grimaced. "I'm a surgeon not a reporter."

Meredith rolled her eyes at George. She didn't know why her dad chose him to be the sponge as he obviously sucked at it. "Got anything good so far?" she asked.

George considered Meredith. "Nope" he looked at her nervously. "but can you explain the brother thing again?"

"Which one?" Meredith asks.

"Alex and Mark" he replied.

Meredith looked at him confused. "Why?"

"Well" George looked at her. "They dont look like their related, and well apparently this kid Richie or whatever his name is is your brother too." he explained.

Meredith laugheed. "It's easy George. My mother was a philandering whore."

George looked at her shocked.

"What? She is! She's got 4 kids to 3 different Dad's... let's add that she is a selfish bitch too... oh an a pathetic excuse for a mother. I mean... she has cheated on the father of the first 3 kids... who is to say that she hasn't cheated on Richard too." she finished.

"You're looking at the trifecta." he answered.

"Yeah, but no one is a winner here." Meredith told him.

George looked at Meredith and sighed.

"Let me know if you get any good goss." Meredith adds as she turns away from him not sure where she is heading now.


	43. the stair wells

Meredith had been hiding out in the stair wells when she heard to door open on the next level down. The footsteps on the stairs stopped when the door opened again.

"Will you just stop running." she heard her brothers voice.

Meredith was curious to see who he was talking to. So she shuffled to the rails and looked down. There in front of Alex was Christina.

"Well stop chasing me." she replied.

Meredith watched her brother closely. "You frustrate me" he groaned. "can't you just stand still and tell me what's going on."

"There's nothing going on." Christina protested.

"I grew up in a hospital dammit. I've learnt enough about people to know when they're sick." Alex stated. "God Chris i care alright. You know it." he told her as he stepped closer to her.

"Alex... i can't" she sighed. "You've got enough to worry about." Christina's gaze dropped to the floor.

Alex stepped closer. "I dont want to worry about them and the sideshow my mother has created." he dismissed. He ran a hand down her cheek before he moved closer again and lowered his mouth to hers. When he pulled back he smiled. "Were more than sex and you know it. So spill Yang."

Christina looked up at him, uncertainty in her eyes. "I... I... I'm pregnant." she stutters before she turns and runs out the door.

Meredith gasps, and sits back away from the rail. The knowledge now that Christina's child is her own family shocked her. Alex and Christina she would never have picked, but then again she would never have thought Izzie and Burke would have coupled up, but she had seen him sneaking out of the house a couple of times.

Meredith was at a loss to do. Usually she would think that Alex would turn to her, just like her person had done. She needed to clear her thoughts, and not knowing how to handle either her twin or her person right now, she headed for the roof in hopes that some fresh air would help her clear her head.


	44. the decisions we make

Meredith was on information overload. She couldn't take it anymore. She had a brother that she didn't know. Her mother was back, and now her twin had gotten her best friend pregnant.

She had been standing looking over the city wondering how she was supposed to deal with each of the situations that had been occuring.

"You've spent quite some time up here." A voice came from behind her.

She sighed, but did not turn to face the source.

"So what brings you up here? I've heard one story, but i'd like to hear it from you." he spoke and she could feel him move closer to her.

She holds out her hand and invites his touch.

He takes her hand and moves to her side, sliding his free arm around her waist.

"Word is that you yelled at your mother." he sighed as he moved to nuzzle her neck.

She tilted her head and welcomed him.

"But i feel that there's something else that has you up here." he whispers as his hand moves to run over her stomach.

Meredith leant back into him. "There's just so much going on that i can't comprehend." she sighs.

He moves a little and wraps both his arms around her. "Maybe we could work on comprehending them together?" he encourages.

"I wouldn't know where to begin." she whispers.

He breathes her in and drops a kiss on the top of her head.

"I can't work out how how anyone could keep their child away from it's father." she sighed. "I could never have done that with you. It would have hurt me to even think of hurting you."

He drops his head and rests it near hers. "Our situation is different." he sighs. "Your mother had ran away from the life she had. I can't make an excuse for her, becuase i can't imagine having left in the first place."

She shifts slightly and tilts her head to look at him. "How would you have felt?" she asks.

"I can't imagine Mer. But i know it would have felt like you had ripped my heart out." he answers.

"I think that is how dad feels." she sighs.

He moved a hand from her waist and uses a finger to trace her cheek.

"How do you feel about it?" he asked. "You have a little brother that you didn't know existed until the other day."

She waits a moment, thining his question through. "I dont know. I feel sorry for Richie..." she trails off.

"I want to know about you." he pressed.

"Angry" she sighed. "The boys and i have formed bonds already. They're strong and that's partly because of all that we have been through. I don't have that with Richie. We dont have a song. I'm angry because we didn't have a chance."

He leans in and kisses her. "You have a chance now." he tells her. "We can invite him to dinner tonight if you want. The boys and Addie can come too. Your dad aswell. We'll have it out at our place." he offers.

Meredith sighs. "I'll think about it."

Derek nods and moves to look out over the city again. "What else is there?" he asks.

Meredith is quiet for a while, beofre she finally opens up again. "A friend of mine is pregnant, and was talking about an abortion. I know who the father is, and she told him that she's pregnant, but not that she is thinking about having an abortion." she says quietly.

"I don't know how he feels about things, but i don't think she should have an abortion without discussin it with him."

Derek nods " so tell her that."

"She doesn't know that i know who the father is." she sighs.

"Oh" he replies.

"Yeah and it doesnt help when the father is my twin brother." she whispers.

Derek groans and holds her tighter. "I can't really tell you what to do mer."

"They're both going to want to talk to me about this." she tells him, "and i dont want to be that person for them. im too involved."

"So tell them that" he whispers.

She turns to look at him. "Why does it have to be so hard?"

"Nothing in life is really easy Mer. It's only shaped by the decisions that we make."


	45. not mine to share

Derek was paged away leaving Meredith on the roof. She knew that she had work to do, but was unsure where to start. Of course she should have gone with Derek when he had been paged, but he had provided her with an out, and she had taken it.

She didn't move when she heard the door open, she knew that it could only be one of a few people. Again they approached her cautiously, and strong hands come to rest on her shoulders.

"Seems like i'm not the only one looking for an escape." her father opened.

She turned to look at him, not knowing what to say or where to start.

"Your hiding from you mother." He ventured.

"Among others." she told him, and she turned back to look out over the city.

"You need to work Meredith." he told her, and she groaned in response.

He sighed and turned her to look at him. "Who else are you avoiding?"

Meredith stepped back and turned away again. "There's just too much going on in there." she said, gesturing towards the hospital.

"Care to share?" he asked and she shook her head.

"not mine to share." she sighed.

He grimaced at the thought.

They stood there for a while. He kept a hand on her shoulder and they remained in silence.

Meredith had been thinking about Derek's offer, and now standing here with her father it seemed to appeal to her more. "Dad, Derek and i are inviting everyone out to the land for dinner tonight. Everyone being Addie, the boys and Richie. Sort of gives us a chance to talk to them and get to know Richie."

He nods and then pulls her close. "Sounds like a good idea." he tells her as he gives her a hug.

Meredith pulls away and smiles a little. "It was Derek's idea. Plus it gives you a chance to see where we are going to live."

He chuckles a little. "You mean the trailer?"

"That and the house plans." she tells him before she winks. "It really is a beautiful piece of land."

"Well i'll look forward to it." he smiles.

She leans up and kisses his cheek. "I'm sure everything will be ok daddy."

"Me too" he replies as he kisses her forehead.

"I better get back to Der, he was allowing me space."

"I think he is in surgery, he might have had Alex scrub in in your place." her father advised her.

Meredith frowned slightly, and hoped that Derek wasn't going to say anything to him about what Meredith knew."Ok, well i'll go to the gallery then"

"See you baby girl." he calls as she moves to the door.

"Love you daddy." she yells back as she reaches it, and with that she was gone.


	46. the truth about nancy

Meredith sat in the gallery watching as Derek worked with a finese.

"You really love him dont you?" Addison asked as she wandered in and sat down next to her.

"More than i'd like to admit." she sighed.

Addison shook her head, "so your falling blindly in love?"

Meredith shook her head, and couldn't help the smile that had formed on her lips. "Oh, no, i've already fallen." Meredith giggled. "and not blindly either. I know he has faults. Obviously, i mean something came between him and Mark. But other than that, i know what he does to irritate me, and vice versa."

Addison nodded, "i worry about you Mer, your my little sister." she sighed.

Meredith looked at her curiously, and waited for her to continue.

"I just dont want for you to get hurt." Addie said quietly.

"Der and i have been together for a year and a half Addie, if he was going to hurt me he would have done that by now. Look you can tell the boys that they have nothing to worry about. They need to spend more time worrying about themselves." Meredith advised her.

Addie sighed as she looked down at Derek and Alex working along side each other. "Has he told you what happened between Mark and him?" she asked

Meredith groaned a little, knowing that this wasn't going to go away. "Yer" she sighed. "but it's in the past. Derek can't control his sisters, or his parents."

Addie looked at Meredith curiously. "Just what exactly did he tell you?" she asked.

"He said something along the lines of Nancy trying to jump Marks pants." Meredith said with a shrug. "He swears that he had nothing to do with it."

"Close" Addie sighed. "Nancy was my best friend, and her mother didnt like me. We both came from Money, but we were very different. Similar interests, but nothing more than that. We both fell for Mark. Derek understood that Mark and I were a couple, but Nancy was insistent that he help her throw the perfect night." Addie said quietly.

Meredith listened to her closely.

"She arranged for Derek to let her know when Mark was going to be in the dorms alone. He did so, apparently she was holding something over his head. Anyway, she snuck in the dorms, and tried to mount him in the middle of the night. Mark and Derek had a massive blow out about it. Mark accused him of setting this up so he could win me over, or something. It was big, and all of Dereks family doesn't talk to either Mark or myself anymore."

Meredith cringed at the thought. "Nancy was like a stalker."

Addison nodded. "Very much so."

"But, who is to say that Derek really did let her know that Mark was alone, or even that he felt that way towards you. Come on Addie, are you suggesting that he is with me to hurt Mark?" Meredith asked her nervously.

Addie sighed. "I dont know Mer, but just be careful, especially around his family. They can be pretty bad at times."

Meredith sighed. "Addie i dont think you have anything to worry about, i mean i spent some time over the summer with them. We didnt have any worries then, they seemed to be fine."

"Just wait till they find out who your brother is." Addie warned her, as she looked one last time down at Derek and Alex before standing and leaving the gallery. Leaving Meredith to contemplate her words.

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Meredith met Derek outside of the scrub room and greeted him with a kiss. She had been longing to do that fom the moment she had stepped into the Gallery.

Derek kissed her back, but could sense that something more was bothering her, than what had already been. He moved his hand across her back before running over her bottom. "You ok?" he asked as he moved in to kiss her one more time.

"Yeah... just... can we talk?" she finally asks as she leaned back into him.

Derek looked her over. "Yeah... i've just got to talk to the patients family, how about i meet you in my office." he suggests

Meredith nods. "Ok, i'll go there now." she says quietly before she steals one more kiss and heads off in that direction.

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As Meredith headed up towards Derek's office, she spotted Mark lingering outside her mothers room. She didnt want to talk to her mother, but she thought she could ask Mark what happened between Derek and him before speaking to Derek about it.

"Mark" Meredith called in a hushed whisper.

She had to do so a couple of times before she finally had his attention.

"What?" he asked as he walked towards her and away from their mothers room.

"What... what happened between you and Derek?" she asked nervously.

Mark groaned, "do you really want to know?" he asked.

Meredith nodded.

Mark sighed and grabbed her by the wrist, dragging her into the closest on call room.

He sat down on the bed, and pulled her down next to him.

"Before i came back home for you, Addie was with Derek, but i had a major crush on her." he started.

Meredith dropped his hand, but still listened to him explain. "I was infatuated by her, i thought she was mystical. She was all i could think about when i was here. She was who i looked forward to seeing when i got back. But she was with Derek, and i didn't intend on letting things happen with her." he told her

Meredith shifted back on the bed, so her back was leaning against the wall.

"One night Derek was studying late at the library, and things happened between Addie and i. I wasn't proud that i had betrayed my best friend, but i didn't want it to stop. So i went against what Addie wanted, and i told him about my feelings for Addie, and what had happened. He was hurt, but he confessed that he no longer felt as strongly for her as he used to, so he broke up with her, and gave us his well wishes." Mark pauses for a moment. "Problem is, that Addie's best friend was Nancy, Derek's sister. She wasn't too happy with what happened between Addie and Derek, she thought that they should have been together, it didn't matter what Derek or Addie told her, she would not let it go. So one night, when Addie leaves to go to work, Nancy sneaks in and mounts me, confessing to me that she has always had feelings for me, and that she wants me. I push her off and call Derek." he tells me.

"Derek and I discussed his sisters actions, and spoke to her about doing what she was trying to do. Problem being when Addie found out, she blamed Derek. I was put in the position of choosing between my friend and my lover, of course i chose Addie, and my friendship with Derek hasn't been the same ever since." He finished. He then turned to look at her. "Why did you ask?"

Meredith sighed. "Addie told me about the sister thing, and said that you fell out with him and the whole family over it. She told me that the family wont like me once they find out who my brother it."

Mark shook his head. "Dont worry about Addie Mer, she is still bitter about the whole thing. Derek and I parted on fairly good terms, its just every now and then that we clash, and we have never had issues with his family."

Mer sighed in relief.

"Dont worry munchkin, you're still going to get your fairytale." he whispered. He then squeezed her leg before moving to stand. "I have a patient i need to check on Mer, but maybe we could catch up a little later." he suggested.

"Oh tea." she quickly said as he reached the door. "Derek and I are inviting all the family to tea tonight - that's including Richie - so we can all get to know him. I'll see you at tea tonight."

Mark nodded, "thats a good idea. Will see you then Mer."

Meredith sighed and watched her big brother leave. She was relieved that according to Mark there was nothing to worry about, but she still wanted to talk to Derek about it.

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Meredith reached Dereks office to find the door open and him sitting in front of his laptop. It was obvious that he was pretending to be working.

"Hey" Meredith says quietly as she walked into the room.

"Hey yourself." he replies as he closes his laptop.

Meredith walks over to him, and he pulls her down onto his lap.

"So whats been bothering you?" he asked as he kissed her forehead.

"What happened between you and Mark?" she asked nervously.

Derek frowned. "Why?"

"Addie hinted at something, and i wanted to talk to you about it, but i saw Mark on the way here, so i stopped and talked to him about it, and he just believes that she is still some what bitter towards you in regards to the story he told me, and i really dont want your family to hate me." she rambled.

Derek chuckled slightly before he leaned in and captured her lips.

Meredith frowned when he pulled away. "I was trying to ask you something." she complained.

"and you did, and your little ramble made me want to kiss you, so i did." he smirked.

"How about you tell me what Mark has told you and then i will tell you what i think happened." he suggested.

Meredith frowned but nodded.

She moved quickly and explained what Mark had told her.

Derek nodded throughout her recount.

When Meredith had finished she looked at him expectantly. "That's actually pretty accurate." he said. "Mark told you the truth. I didnt realise though that that was Addie's idea for him to step back from our friendship a bit, but that was what there relationship was like." Derek sighed. "We were good friends until Nancy did that, and no one will care that you are Marks sister. they all loved Mark, the only person who might be rude is Nancy, but she's always like that." he told her.

Meredith nodded and burrowed into him.

"Make you feel better?" he asked.

Meredith sighed. "Yer"

"Good" he said as he kissed her head once more. "Now what did you decide about dinner tonight?" he asked, he had the feeling that Meredith had changed her mind about his offer.

"Yer, is it still cool for the boys to come?" she asked tiredly.

"Yeah mer it is." he whispered. He nursed her close, knowing that she would soon fall asleep in his arms. Sleep is what she needed, he knew from experience with his sisters that the first trimester made them tired.

"yer" she sighed, and soon enough her soft snores filled the room.


	47. changes

Mark, Alex and Richard sat at the table on Derek's porch. Addie wasnt there as she had been caught on her way out, and was now in surgery.

Meredith was inside gathering drinks and Derek was maning the grill.

"Nice Place." Richard commented from his spot.

"Yeah, we're going to break ground next weekend. They estimate 6 months, but i hope not longer because the baby will be coming around then." Derek told him.

"You excited?" Richard asked.

"Yeah, but i'm a little worried about what Burke might have to say tomorrow." he confessed after noting Merediths absence.

"I'm sure he's just going to discuss precautions." Richard consoled him. Then turned to watch the lights of Meredith's jeep coming up the driveway.

"Mer gave Richie her car so he could go back to the hotel and change." Derek informed him

Meredith came out of the trailer with a tray of drinks and placed them on the table.

Richie climbed out of the car and moved towards the group. "Thanks for the loan of the car Meredith. It's much appreciated."

"Dude much appreciated?" Alex asked scoffing.

"Alex" Meredith exclaimed

Alex frowned and rubbed his shoulder where Meredith had whacked him.

"Your welcome Richie." she told him as he moved in awkwardly. "besides i'm spending the night here with Derek, so i dont need it."

Richie nodded before moving to stand with Derek. "Do you need any help?" he asked.

Derek shook his head. "No, but why dont you get to know the boys?" he asked gesturing to Mark, Alex and Richard.

"They dont like me. I'm different." he replied.

Derek stood there quietly trying the think how he could console the young man.

"Richie get over here." Mark finally called.

Richie looked nervously at Derek who nodded his head. "Go, give them a chance."

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"So do you play any sport?" Alex asked after recieving an elbow to the side from Meredith.

"Ummm... no" Richie replied. "I know you were a wrestler and Mark was a quarter back... Mer didnt say what she did, but i'm... i dont play sport." Richie told them.

"Well what do you do?" Mark asked completely flabbergasted by the concept.

"I play the sax and i'm in a band." he informed them.

"I played the sax" Derek called "but i was in the band - not a band."

Alex and Mark laughed, "Mer you have changed, you wouldn't have been seen dead with a band geek." Alex told her.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "He may be a band geek, but he's a cute one." she said as he came up behind her. She pulled him close for a kiss.

"We could jam sometime." Derek said to Richie who looked graterful for the suggestion.

"So what did you do Mer?" Richie asked.

The table went quiet and Richie and Derek looked at her curiously. "Black clothes and Pink hair." Richard began.

"Grungy Music." Alex added.

"Eyeliner and pale foundation." Mark finished.

"Goth or emo?" Richie asked intrigued.

"Emo" Alex answered .

Derek was waiting for Meredith to speak.

"I was an artist." she told them finally. "I sculpted and painted. I was an artist."

Derek looked a little surprised by the news. "You paint?" he asked.

"Not anymore" she replied quietly.

"Why not?" Richie asked interested by what was coming out.

"Weren't we talking about you?" she asked Richie.

"Wow your almost as good as mum at avoiding aswering questions." Richie remarked.

Richard tensed at the comment.

"It's a personal choice." Meredith answered.

"It's a good thing she's not painting." Mark told them.

"She only paints when she wants to expel a negative emotion." Alex added.

Derek seemed to understand this , remembering the diary entry that he had read the night before.

Richie went to ask another question but MARK cut him off. "So how do you stay fit?" he asked Richie, gesturing to his defined body.

"Have to go to the gym." Richie answered with a shrug.

Meredith just nodded, only now relaxing as Derek rubbed her shoulders. "You ok?" he asked as he moved to kiss her cheek.

"Yeah... just yeah." she sighed.

Derek again ran his hands over her shoulders. "Do you want to dance it out?" he asked.

"You dont dance in front of strangers." she replied.

"They're not strangers Mer, they're family." he said with a smile.

Derek went inside and turned on some music. He smiled as he recognised the song that came on. He moved back out to her and took her hand, leading her into the clearing . She moved to snuggle in close to him, resting her head on his shoulder.  
_  
Don't stray, don't ever go away  
I should be much too smart for this  
You know it gets the better of me  
Sometimes, when you and I collide  
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time  
Don't let me drown, let me down  
I say it's all because of you  
And here I go, losing my control  
I'm practicing your name so I can say it to your face  
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye  
Let all the things you mean to me  
Come tumbling out my mouth  
Indeed it's time to tell you why  
I say it's infinitely true_

Say you'll stay, don't come and go  
Like you do  
Sway my way, yeah I need to know  
All about you  


"We dont have to talk about it" he whispered . "Your past is your past, as much as mine is mine."

Meredith nodded into his shoulder, closing her eyes so she can just sway to the music. "It was along time ago." she told him. "maybe i will show you sometime, but not tonight."

Derek ran his hand over her back as she attempted to snuggle closer.

_  
And there's no cure, and no way to be sure  
Why everything's turned inside out  
Instilling so much doubt  
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired  
My head is battling with my heart  
My logic has been torn apart  
And now it all turns sour  
Come sweeten every afternoon  
_

All the boys looked on. "Derek never used to dance in public." Mark commented.

"Seems like Mer is not the only one to have changed." Richard stated, happy to see his daughter looking so happy. She was looking the happiest he had seen her in a long time.

"They look good together." Richie commented.

"That they do." Alex sighed, feeling like he was slowly loosing his twin.

_  
Say you'll stay, don't come and go  
Like you do  
Sway my way, yeah I need to know  
All about you  
Say you'll stay, don't come and go  
Like you do  
Sway my way, yeah I need to know  
All about you_

It's all because of you  
It's all because of you

Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon  
It's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true

Say you'll stay, don't come and go  
Like you do  
Sway my way, yeah I need to know  
All about you  
Say you'll stay, don't come and go  
Like you do  
Sway my way, yeah I need to know  
All about you

It's all because of you  
It's all because of you  
It's all because of you


	48. he's my brother

Meredith and Derek returned to the group when the song finished. Derek opting to leave the music on in the background to keep a soothing atmosphere around the group.

Derek returned to man the grill - hoping that he hadnt burnt anything whilst he was off dancing.

Meredith of course returned to the dance floor with Richard, then Alex and Mark.

When she turned to Richie he was hesitant to dance with her. "I dont dance." he whispered to her as she dragged him out into the clearing.

Meredith giggled at his nervousness. "Well i do, and its a thing we do... a family thing." she explained.

Richie sighed.

"This isn't a thing that you can talk yourself out of" she told him.

Richie tilted his head to the side, "I dont dance because i am busy singing." he told her.

"Well show me your moves." she whispered.

At that moment a mellow song came on. It was obviously selected by Derek and Meredith was one - surprised that he owned such an old song, and two - finding how amazing it suited the two of them.

Richie rested a hand on Merediths hip, and took her left hand.

Meredith giggled. "Relax richie rich and dance with your big sister." she told him as she began to sing along with the song.

_The road is long  
With many a winding turn  
That leads us to who knows where  
Who knows where_

But I'm strong  
Strong enough to carry him  
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

"You dont have to carry me." he whispered to her uncertain of the meaning of Meredith singing to him.

"Your my little brother - I'm allowed to carry you." she whispered. "let me be there for you." she continued, "because i need to be."

_So on we go  
His welfare is of my concern  
No burden is he, to bear  
We'll get there  
For I know  
He would not encumber me  
He ain't heavy, he's my brother_

If I'm laden at all  
I'm laden with sadness  
That everyone's heart  
Isn't filled with the gladness  
Of love for one another

It's a long, long road  
From which there is no return  
While we're on our way to there  
Why not share

And the load  
Doesn't weigh me down at all  
He ain't heavy, he's my brother  
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

Richie was surprised how comfortable it was to dance with Meredith, finding that Merediths head fitted comfortably against his shoulder.

"I love you." Richie sighed as she didnt stop dancing when the music had finished.

"I knew i would." he continued.

"It's hard not to." she said with a giggle. Not wanting to let her little brother go.

"Dinner." Derek called as they watched Addie pull up infront of the trailer...

he aint heavy, he's my brother


	49. how appropriate

The evening had really settled and had even ended up being quite a joyful night.

Richie had sung his favourite song to Richard, which turned out to be the favourite song of Marks and had special meanings for Richard and Alex who had shared a moment earlier that evening before dinner. Alex had sort Richard out for advice in regards to his situation with Christina.

The decisions made from their conversation had yet to be discussed with the family, as Alex had decided that he would tell them once he had spoken to Christina. He had been relieved that his Dad had given them a couple of days off so they could go and talk about their situation.

Of course Richard had told them that he didnt need to go away with her to talk it out, but Alex wanted to eliminate all outside influences in that regard.

__

Its not time to make a change,  
Just relax, take it easy.  
Youre still young, thats your fault,  
Theres so much you have to know.  
Find a girl, settle down,  
If you want you can marry.  
Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that its not easy,  
To be calm when youve found something going on.  
But take your time, think a lot,  
Why, think of everything youve got.  
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.  
Its always been the same, same old story.  
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.  
Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.  
I know I have to go.  
Its not time to make a change,  
Just sit down, take it slowly.  
Youre still young, thats your fault,  
Theres so much you have to go through.  
Find a girl, settle down,  
If you want you can marry.  
Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.  
( away away away, I know I have to  
Make this decision alone - no)

All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,  
Its hard, but its harder to ignore it.  
If they were right, Id agree, but its them you know not me.  
Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.  
I know I have to go.  
( stay stay stay, why must you go and  
Make this decision alone? )

Addie had avoided talking to Mark and Derek about anything that she had said to Meredith earlier in the day. It was partly because Mark had had words with her already about what she had said, and partly because she had felt guilty.

She hadnt intended on saying anything to Meredith about the situation, but she was completely dreading Nancy coming out here She was worried that Nancy would try something again.

But what Addie didn't know was that Nancy would not be stepping foot in Seattle because she was the one sister that did not really approve of Meredith.

So as the evening wound to an end, and Meredith couldn't fight back the yawns. Meredith and Derek said goodbye to their guests and told them that they would always be welcome out on this piece of land.

Meredith had said goodbye to everyone first, leaving Derek to see them off, as she went inside and put on her favourite sweat pants and top before climbing into bed. Slumber finding her he moment her head hit the pillow, and without another thought of her meeting with Preston the next morning.


	50. abortion?

**Derek and Meredith had been busy all morning. It had started with Meredith's morning sickness, and Derek offering his support.**

After such a dreadful start to the day, and Meredith having such a hard time swallowing her pills, she had Derek drop her off home while he went on his way to work

She had been so nervous about her up-coming appointment with Burke. She had no idea what they were going to discuss and that made her worry more.

In efforts to keep her mind off of things, Meredith had turned to cleaning. Between doing the laundry and cleaning the rest of the house from top to bottom, she had managed to keep herself completely busy.

When it came time for her appointment, she drove to the hospital and met an equally flustered Derek at the door. It seemed as if he had gotten out of surgery only moments before.

She greeted him with a kiss, and he quite happily slipped his arm around her, and they began to make their way to Prestons office.

On arriving at the office they both waited patiently for Preston who they had been informed, was on his way.

Derek took this opportunity to run his hands over her slightly swollen stomach, while placing butterfly kisses on Meredith's head, which was resting on his shoulder.

"We need a song." she whispered.

Derek considered this, surprised that she had thought that it was important to discuss at this time now

"Well what do you think?" he asked her.

"I dunno" she sighed "but we should , you know, and we... married soon... dance... and ... " she rattled off nervously.

"Shh..." he sighed as he moved to tilt her head to look at him. "I want to figure it out too." he told her, "but right now let's just not think about that."

Meredith looked down a little.

"Let's just wait until we can focus on it completely. We need to find a song that suits us." he ran his thumb over Meredith's cheek. "Ok?" he asked.

Meredith nodded and sighed.

Derek leaned in and kissed her softly. "It's all going to be ok." he promised before Meredith snuggled into him.

Preston arrived moments later. He looked over at Meredith and Derek and considered the situation they were in. He had read over her file and had looked over her results from the other day. He knew every little detail as her doctor to assist him in making an accurate decision on handling this case.

He let them be for a few moment. He understood the impact of the situation on the couple. The last thing he wanted to do was upset their world. A world which he knew already had been shaken by her mothers return.

Taking a deep breath he walked towards them. "Dr Shepherd, Meredith, step on in." he invited as he opened his office door and allowed them entry.

They moved in awkwardly and sat down on the chairs that he had set up in front of his desk.

"Now Meredith as you know, i asked to see you." Preston spoke as he took his seat behind his desk. "We need to discuss your pregnancy." he said.

Meredith nodded and Derek reached for her hand. They both needed to hear this.

"I'm worried about your heart Meredith. I dont know if it could hold up through Child birth." he said rather uneasily. He didn't want them to assume anything. "I would have actually prefered that you weren't put in this position, but i do have to recommend..."

"Abortion?" Derek asked worriedly.

"No" Preston shook his head. "I was goig to apologise because she would not be able to experience a natural child birth. I'd prefer a ceasarean birth. It would reduce the risk of any problems and then i would hope to review Meredith's heart and consider a method of repairing the damage that it has already recieved."

Derek nodded in understanding while Meredith just looked relieved.


	51. NOT HERE

Meredith and derek left burke's office hand in hand.

Having spoken to burke had eased her mind. She was thrilled that she wouldn't have to abort and was sure that when Addie pulled her head in that she would be the one to do the ceserean.

Derek squeezed her hand but waited until they reached the elevator before he turned to look at her.

"You good?" he asked as he pulled her into him.

"Yeah" she sighed.

"You?" she asked after a moment.

"Yeah relieved." He said quietly as he kissed the top of her head.

"Hmmmm" she sighed in agreement.

"I have my lunch break coming up." He told her.

" Good. " she murmured. "But first I have to go find dad and let him know what's going on." She told him as she pulled back a little.

"Ok" he sighed a little.

"Do you want to come?" she asked nervously.

Derek pulled back slightly and looked at her.

"You sure?" he asked.

Meredith nodded as she bit her lip

He stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for Ellis's floor.

"He was in ellis's room earlier." He told her. "Said he would be there all day."

Meredith nodded as she leaned back against the wall.

Derek watched as she crossed one leg over the other and rested her head on the cold metal.

Her tight jeans were all bar done up as she had left the top button undone for her belly and her lavender sweater clung to her curves. He looked her over twice before he moved to her.

He turned her slightly and ran a hand down her side.

"Der?" meredith asked before she saw the darkness and lust in his eyes.

He smiled as his hand settled where her pants rested.

She looked straight into his eyes and couldn't help but lick her lip.

"Your killing me." He whispered before he caught her lips.

He kissed her softly and his tongue sort entrance into her mouth.

His hand slipped under her sweater to rest on the tiny bump that had formed.

He kissed her until the bell rang to say the had reached their floor.

Sighing he stepped back and looked her over.

Both looked slightly disheleved when they stepped off the elevator and walked towards ellis's room. Off to tell her father their good news

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGGAGAGA GAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Derek and meredith walked down the hall hand in hand. Both were lost in their own worlds of thought.

Derek was battling with the knowledge that they were about to enter a room that contained his new father - in - law to be and the person whom he had considered his 2nd mother until recently. He knew that Meredith would not want to talk about her health in front of her, as it was her health that had Ellis abandon their entire family.

Meredith on the other hand was trying to sort out her own emotions about everything she had learned from her talk with Preston and the prospect of another surgery after having their baby. She knew that Derek was in this for the long haul. It had taken her a while to see this but it was clear as day now. She didn't want to walk into her mothers room and announce the prospect of another surgery. She didn't want to walk into her mothers room at all. But one thing she prided herself on was that she wasn't her mother and therfore was not going to avoid the situation that was laid out in front of her.

As they approached the door of Ellis's room derek shook his head out of his thoughts and gave Meredith's hand a squeeze. "We can do this." He whispered and she sighed and brought her head to rest on his chest.

"I will be here the whole time." He promised as he kissed the top of her head. "You ready?" he asked and waited until he felt a nod against his chest.

She walked into the room snuggled up into Dereks arms.

Richie was the first to spot them as they walked in and he quickly jumped from his seat. "Meredith do you need to sit down?" he asked.

She shook her head and gave him a soft smile. "No thanks, but I was hoping to kind of talk to dad."

Richard who had looked up when richie had offered meredith his seat smiled at her. "How did the appointment go?" he asked.

Derek gave Meredith a squeeze and she snuggled closer to him.

"Can we maybe talk outside?" she asked. "Or somewhere else?" she added as she looked over at her mother.

"Mer?" richie asked.

"Richard please." Derek asked.

Richard looked at ellis. He understood why she didn't want to talk in front of her, but knew that she would have to get used to it sooner or later because after his conversation with Ellis this morning, they had decided it would be best for her to move back to Seattle.

"Can't we talk here?" he asked.

Meredith bit her bottom lip nervously. "I'd prefer not to at the moment." She said quietly.

"Oh right." He answered completely worried by what preston may have told them.

"Why not?" ellis asked.

"Not now" richard spoke sternly.

Ellis eyed him carefully. "Is this about the appointment you made with the cardiologist?" she asked as she turned to Meredith.

Derek groaned. "We don't really wish to discuss it with you now." He said as polite as he could.

"Oh right." She murmured and meredith could see that she was sort of hurt.

"I'm not quite ready to let u back into that part of my life." Meredith told her as she spoke softly. "It's just..."

"It was the reason why I left?" ellis finished.

"Exactly" meredith sighed.

Ellis gave a nod in understanding. "Well go on then richard go find out what's going on."

Richard nodded politely before he quickly stood and moved to meredith and derek's side.

"Let's take this to my office." Derek suggested as it was just down the hall.

Richard nodded as they turned and left the room quickly.

Ellis let out a sigh as she watched them go.

"She'll let u back in mom. It will just take time." Richie told her as he moved to sit on the side of the bed and reached for her hand


	52. HERE TO STAY

**meredith felt so much better having told her father all that Preston had said. It made it easier and she knew that it put his worry to rest. Her father had always been a worry wart when it came to her. He had gotten predominantly worse since she had been diagnosed.**

He had taken the news well and had happily embraced her and even though he was still getting used to Derek being a part of his life and not just a colleague he embraced him too

Derek had then turned to Meredith and spoke of making lunch plans. "I just need to round on my patients first." he had told her before giving her a quick kiss and racing off.

Meredith had watched him go before turning back to her dad. "I have half an hour to kill... Got any ideas what i can do?" she asked him. She in reality, had the rest of the day to kill as she had done most of what she had needed to do already.

"You could go sit with your mother." he suggested and watched as Meredith sighed and her shoulders slumped over.

"Mer" Richard sighed as he led her to a seat and made her sit down. "I know we dont really want to, but maybe we should just give her a chance."

Meredith looked at him confused. "How can you just forgive her. She walked out on us. I could have died and she wouldn't have been here. How can you look past the fact that she kept your son from you?" She asked.

Richard sighed and moved back to his desk and pulled the portrait out of the draw. He then returned to her side and handed it to her.

"What?" she asked, having looked at this photo a few days ago.

"Who are the people in that photo?" he asked.

"My family." she mumbled.

"Exactly" Richard sighed. "We might not always like what they do, but thats exactly it. She's my family Mer, she's my wife. She made a big mistake, a life altering decision. But she says she is here to stay."

"She is?" Meredith asked meekly. She did not want to get her hopes up.

"She is." he reassured her as he sat next to her.

"Your mother and i have discussed a lot today, and it has been decided that she will move back to Seattle, and she will take up a position as a General Surgeon." he informed her. "So she's here to stay, so Mer, you need to get used to her being around."

Meredith leaned into her fathers side and rested her head on his shoulder. "What about Richie?" she asked.

"He will be moving too. Its hard because he is in his last yr, but he wants to. The papers have already been filed for his transfer and he will start school next monday." Richard told her.

"But where will he stay?" she asked. "Where will they both stay?" she asked, now worried about her friends living in the old house.

"They will be living with me, where they should have been all this time." he replied as he kissed her forehead. "You dont need to worry about any of this, just start to get used to her being around. She's not going anywhere."

Meredith sighed and looked down at the photo again. She decided after a moment that she might as well give it a try, after all, the worst that could happen was that Ellis would leave again, and therefore she would need to guard her heart. 


	53. dont run from this

Meredith stood looking through the door to her mothers room. She could not bring herself to enter the room. She wanted to believe her father when he said that she was here to stay but she really couldn't.

Derek spotted her and felt his heart ache acknowledging the pain and confusion that she must be going through.

He walked towards her, christina following close behind. He hated that people were going to learn the truth about Meredith's mom.

Meredith could feel Derek's eyes upon her, but she did not look up. She could feel him closing in on her. She knew that he would be rounding on Ellis soon.

His warm arms slipped down her side and she leant back into his embrace. She did not say anything, and he didn't really expect her to.

"You ok? He asked, and meredith simply nodded her head in reply.

"I just have her to go... then we can have lunch." He told her.

Meredith again just nodded.

Christina didn't say anything.

"Do you want to come in?" he asked her, and this time received a sigh in response.

"Come on." He said as he kissed her head. He then gave her side a bit of a squeeze before letting her go.

Meredith moved out of his way and he moved to open the door.

He then pushed the door open and slowly moved into the room before looking back at meredith.

Christina looked at her curiously before moving into the room.

Meredith was havin an inner battle wiht herself. She knew that she should probably go into the room and see her mother. Knowing what she should do and what she wanted to do... she continued to falter on the boundary between the room. She could feel all eyes on her and all she knew was that she could either take a step into the room or she could stay on the outside away from it all.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA AGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

**Meredith continued to linger on the edge of entering the room. She knew what the right thing to do was. It was just a matter of doing it.**

She knew that her father was watching, and waiting while Richie expected her to cross the threshold. Christina on the otherhand was quite curious as to Meredith's hesitancy. She had yet to realise that she was in her mothers room. Plus it was not like her to linger outside of a patients room.

Meredith looked back down the hall way. She needed something, but she wasnt sure what. She knew that her brothers were both busy. She was sure Mark had said something about letting Alex scrub in on a surgery with him. She figured that was what she needed. She needed them beside her. Not only to help her cross the line, but to be there to catch her when she knew she was going to fall, after all, it was bound to happen.

Meredith felt a hand rest upon her shoulder, and she looked back into the room to see that Derek was standing in front of her. "You can do this Mer." he whispered and leaned in to kiss her cheek. This of course caused eyebrows to raise.

Meredith sighed as she reached for his hand. He gave it a quick squeeze before pulling her across the line and into the room.

Derek moved quick to slip an arm around Meredith's waist and to pull her close to him. She moved to rest her head upon his shoulder and burrow in. He sighed as he then shuffled forward with her in his embrace.

"Back to what i was saying." he said as professionally as he could.

He heard Meredith whimper slightly, and he ran a hand down her back.

"This surgery is going to take a while, i want to make sure i get it all, there should be no reason for me to go back in." He told them.

"And you can get it all?" Richie asked him nervously.

Derek nodded slightly. "From the scans i sent for this morning, i should be able to get it easy. But You do understand that Ellis wont be walking for a few days, to maybe even a couple of weeks. This surgery is going to take a lot out of her." He informed them.

They all nodded and then he smiled lightly. "Yang will be prepping you for surgery, and i will see you in the OR at 3." He finished.

Again they all nodded, and then waited to see if he was going to say anything further, but when he didnt their attention moved to Meredith.

"Is she ok?" Ellis asked. Wanting to know if Meredith was just simply sulking or if there was something going on.

Christina looked to Meredith. She knew that there was more going on besides what she had been told. "Do i need to get Alex?" She asked Meredith.

Meredith shook her head. "He's in surgery with Mark." Meredith told her.

"I know that, i always know..." Christina started but then stopped and looked around awkwardly.

"You always know where he is?" Ellis asked her.

Christina looked around nervously. "Ummmm..." she said as she tried to find her way out of it.

"I know." Meredith told her as she looked up.

"What?" Christina hissed.

"I know, about Alex, i know." Meredith said quietly as Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith and continuosly rubbed circles around her back.

"Oh" Christina said awkwardly as she brought her hand to rest on her stomach. "I... I cant be here." she said nervously as she went to move out of the room.

"Chris" Meredith called out to her as she reached the door. "Dont run from this, because he wont." she said as she watched her friend falter.

She saw Christina nod in acknowledgement before moving out of the room.

"Interesting" Ellis said as she eyed Meredith.

"Dont" Meredith said quietly as she buried her head back into Derek. "You dont have the right so dont."

Ellis looked to Richard who had been watching everything curiously.

"I guess i better have a talk with my son." he said as he moved to stand.

Richie was watching on warily, he knew he didnt have a place or a say in things just yet.

"Come on Mer let's get some lunch." Derek told her as he kissed her forehead.

Meredith sighed, but let him lead her from the room.


	54. a matter of trust

Meredith had survived lunch with a fussy Derek - not that she had thought it unlikely that she wouldn't survive. he had then walked her back to her mothers room and had left her there with hope that she would go in and keep her mother company.

It was there that she had remained standing again on the threshold until Richie returned from having lunch with Richard. It seemed that they had gone for lunch over ar the bar.

"Come on" Richie said as he wrapped an arm around her and walked her into the room.

Meredith sighed and leant into his embrace.

Richard smiled, he was glad that they had at least bonded even if Meredith was still feeling insecure by her mothers presence.

"Meredith" ellis spoke as she sat up and watched Richie walk her into the room.

Richie moved to help her in a chair. "Are you ok here?"he asked a few moments later.

Meredith nodded.

"Meredith" ellis asked again.

"I'm ok" Meredith mumbled.

This did not seem to put Ellis's mind at ease though as she then moved to sit a little.

"I want to know what is wrong with my daughter." Ellis said firmly "yesterday she could come in to yell at me and today she is too scared to come in."

Richard groaned as he moved froward attempted to calm ellis. "She's fine... she just gets a little timid." Richard tried to reassure her.

"Don't patronise me Richard. The poor thing is looking scared shitless what went on with that damn doctor?" she demanded to know because the daughter she knew was not a bumbling fool.

Richard groaned and looked over to Meredith who seemed to begin to start breathing eradicatly. He moved away from his wife quicky.

Richie was now standing in front of Meredith trying to calm her down, and richard knew that it wasn't likely to work as it was only he or the boys that could manage that.

He moved to stand in front of meredith, moving richie out of his way as he then scooped Meredith into his arms and sat down with her on his lap.

"Shhhh... baby girl... daddy is here... daddy isn't going anywhere... breathe for me baby." He reassured her and ran circles over her back with his hand... continually rubbing and whispering to her.

Ellis watched on curiously, she hated that her daughter had been reduced to this and that she played a part in this with her absence.

Meredith slowly calmed down and burrowed her head into Richard.

"Meredith has been told that after the baby is born she will be having heart surgery, and while she has been ok with it, telling you is a hurdle she can't handle." Richard explained.

"But why?" Ellis asked feeling flabbergasted.

"Because you left the last time." Richard replied with ease.

Ellis sighed. "She won't ever get over it." She knew that this was her fault, she had never understood the affect her leaving would have on her children.

"Don't talk as if she isn't here." Richie told them. "Meredith can hear you."

"She's sleeping" richard informed him. "She always does after a panic attack, it gives her body a chance to recupperate." He explained.  
Richie nodded in understanding.

"How do we move past this?" ellis asked Richard.

"You need to give her a reason to trust you." Richard told her.

Ellis nodded, that will have to be added to her list of things to do. She was not sure yet how, but she would find a way.


	55. redemption?

**Derek entered Ellis's room. He was suprised to see Meredith asleep on the couch. Her head was in Richard's lap and her feet rested on Richies.**

Christina had followed him in, and had taken the quiet as a nerve wraking response to her presence. That was of course until she too spotted Meredith asleep on the couch.

"Good afternoon" derek greeted them all as he regained focus.

"Derek" ellis said nervously.

"Elle, are you ready for this?" derek asked nervously.

Ellis nodded awkwardly, her focus moving to christina. She was curious about the person who was standing in front of her. If she had understood correctly, then this person was carrying her sons child.

"Now elle, I know you understand the procedure and the risks, and I have been reassured that you have explained the risks to Richie. So do you have questions?" he asked

Ellis smiled as she sat up slightly, her legs were tingling from being in bed for too long.

"I do actually" she spoke as she looked towards christina. She was her decoy, there to take her mind off of the fact that she would undergoing another surgery.

Christina shifted nervously feeling the curious gaze of ellis upon her.

"You are carrying my granchild are u not?" Ellis asked her, and she saw out of the corner of her eye Richard move ready to interrupt.

"I don't believe this is any of your business." Christina answered with as much courage as she could muster.

"I can make it my business." Ellis said as she smiled warmly. "You see I know what it is like to be pregnant during your intern year, and even more so, I know what it is like to be pregnant to a man who is as equally busy, however, I had the issue of carrying twins, where if you are lucky, you will not."

Derek moved uncomfortably. He did not think that it was appropriate for Ellis to be having this conversation with Christina.

"Why are people looking so uncomfortable?" ellis asked as she looked around the room.

"Ellis, this is between Christina and Alex." Richard reminded her.

"Mom, don't interfere, Alex will hate you for it." Richie also added.

Ellis shrugged them off and turned back to Christina. "Are you keeping it?" she asked .

Christina sighed. "I'm not sure." She spoke honestly, "but that is a conversation to be had between myself and your son."

"It's ok to have doubts." Ellis informed her, "I can see you are competitive and extremely work orientated, so very much like me." Ellis noted, "just do me a favour and consider all options, you don't want to regret aborting your child, and yet you don't want to neglect them either."

"Like you did?" christina asked.

"I don't think you understand the situation." Ellis said, she was a little shocked by christina's forwardness.

"But I do" christina replied.

"I have listened to your son talk briefly on the subject, but I can understand the situation. You felt helpless so you cut and ran, when there was something you could do. At least when I felt helpless, I was too young and couldn't do anything. I didn't run, and I couldn't run." Christina finished before moving to the door. "There is no situation that makes what you did ok. And my baby, or alex's baby, that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with Alex."

"Everything to do with Alex has something to do with me." Ellis stated, and yet lacked confidence because she knew that she had lost the right.

"Actually no, and it hasn't for a while." Christina said with a sigh as she left the room.

Derek watched her leave and ran his hand through his hair.  
he then turned to look at meredith who was still sleeping. He moved towards her and lowered himself to her level. He had heard the change in her breathing only moments before, and yet, she still seemed to be peaceful.  
He rested a hand on her side and stroked it softly.  
"How long has she been out for?" he asked.

"About an hour or so." Richard replied. "She started to have a panic attack and she has been asleep since."

Derek nodded and leaned in to kiss her temple.

Ellis watched on with a softness in her eyes, she had never seen someone love someone else as delicately as derek seemed to love meredith. She was glad that derek had found someone who he could focus all his attention on, and was more than thrilled that it was Meredith. However, she witheld such a comment as she did not want to trigger a similar reaction as she had done from Christina. She yearned to be back on a decent level with her children and she could only hope that things would work out for her now and give her the chance to redeem herself.


	56. mobility

I am sailing, I am sailing,  
Home again cross the sea.  
I am sailing, stormy waters,  
To be near you, to be free.

I am flying, I am flying,  
Like a bird cross the sky.  
I am flying, passing high clouds,  
To be with you, to be free.

Can you hear me, can you hear me  
Through the dark night, far away,  
I am dying, forever trying,  
To be with you, who can say.

Can you hear me, can you hear me,  
Thro the dark night far away.  
I am dying, forever trying,  
To be with you, who can say.

We are sailing, we are sailing,  
Home again cross the sea.  
We are sailing stormy waters,  
To be near you, to be free.

Oh lord, to be near you, to be free.  
Oh lord, to be near you, to be free,  
Oh lord.

**Ellis opened her eyes and closed them again. She repeated the process several times before she felt as if her eyes had adjusted to the light in her room.**

She heard the murmurs of those people that filled the room and the reassuring words that were coming from dereks mouth.

"There were a few problems with this surgery." He had told them, and ellis shook her head as she struggled to hear him.

"The clot that had formed around the tumor was large and made for a difficult surgery." He told them.

"We will know more about her mobility when she wakes up" he finished.

Ellis closed her eyes. She did not want to know what her mobility was like, and losing it was not an option that she had previously considered. All she knew now was that no matter how divided her family appeared towards her, they we're who she was going to fight this for.


	57. impending parenthood

**Meredith sat curled up in her brothers arms, whispering to him. She had not wanted to talk to him about this, but knew there was no other way. Plus, they spoke about everything, which meant she couldn't avoid this any longer.**

"Christina's pregnant." she told him.

Alex nodded. "I know."

"What do you want to do about it?" she asked as she yawned and rested her head back down on his shoulder.

"I dont know" Alex murmured. It wasn't often that they would sit like this and talk, but she had wanted to stay back with her mother for some unknown reason, and Alex was on call. "She doesn't want to keep it." he finally whispered.

"I know" Meredith sighed as she brought her hand to rest on her stomach. "I couldn't imagine terminating the pregnancy." She had continued, "i wouldn't be able to do that."

Alex nodded in understanding, if it was up to him he wouldn't be able to do that either.

"I don't know what i should do, if there is anything i can do." he admitted.

"Do you love her?" Meredith finally asked.

"she's your best friend, does she love me?" he asked.

"Alex" Meredith hissed.

"Fine, i like her a lot." he told her, "there is something about her that draws my attention."

"Yeah she is a sarcastic bitch." meredith said with a grin.

"ah... that must be it." Alex said smartly.

"SHE put mom in her place earlier, told her that her decision has nothing to do with her, and that it is between you and her." Meredith told him. "She thought that i was sleeping but i heard it all."

Alex looked at her surprised. "Yang said that?"

"Yeah" Meredith replied, "so maybe she feels the same way about you" Meredith suggested.

Alex rolled his eyes.

Meredith giggled. "i have 2 words for you, are you ready?" she asked.

Alex nodded, but wasnt sure what she was going to say, these days Meredith was known for her random comments.

"Joint wedding." Meredith said.

"Could be interesting." Alex answered with a laugh.

"The crazy webber twins are knocked up." she told him.

Alex shook her head. "i think you need to back off of the pills or something, you are going slightly crazy."

"Slightly?" they heard Mark say as he entered the room.

"So you guys made a decision?" Mark asked Alex, as Meredith moved to sit up.

"You know?" Meredith asked him.

"Of course i know, i came looking for you in the stairwells and over heard too." Mark told her.

"But ... Christina had told me before that... she just"

"She just hadn't told you the father?" Alex guessed.

"Figures" he mumbled.

Mark moved to sit with them, pausing briefly to look over at their mother.

"Feels weird doesnt it." he said as he turned back to look at them.

"I never thought she would be here ever again, let alone when any of us were going to procreate." Mark said.

M eredith nodded. She had never thought her mom would ever be back.

"There's two of us having babies." Alex said, "or possibly any way."

"Better make that 3" Mark mumbled as he buried his head in his hands.

"What?" Meredith asked.

Mark looked up and nodded. "You heard me... all the damn protection in the world, and i still managed to knock her up."

Meredith moved to her brother and put her arms around him. "I think that's great."

"You would." Mark grumbled

"Mark, you love Addie right?" Meredith asked nervously.

"I wouldn't have married her if i didnt." Mark mumbled.

"Well then whats so bad about a baby?" Meredith asked.

"Mer" Mark groaned.

"No Mark, dont tell me that she told you and you just walked away." Meredith said.

Mark went completely quiet.

"You arse." Meredith mumbled and wacked him one. "You have no idea how scary it is to find out that you are pregnant!" she exclaimed as she hit him. "She's probably scared shitless right now."

Mark put his arms up to block Meredith's attacks.

"I was abandoned by both parents Mer, what kind of a father would be?" Mark asked.

"We all were" Grumbled Alex.

"Hmmm." Meredith sighed. "I'm going to go find Addie... if your not going to be happy about this then i will be."

Mark sighed and refused to look up at her.

"I'll go, I'm going" she said in a shaky voice, leaving both boys to think about their impending parenthood.


	58. had a dad, have a dad

**Meredith found Addie in her office. She was curled up in a ball on the couch. Her mascara had ran and her eyes were all puffy.**

"Oh Addie" Meredith sighed at the sight. She moved into the room and went straight to her.

"I...I..." Addie sobbed but couldn't manage any more than that.

"Shhh... it's ok." Meredith told her as she ran a hand up and down her arm. "it's all going to be ok."

GAGAAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGA AGAGAGGAAGAGAGAGGAGAGAAGGAGA AGAGAGGAAGGAGAGGAGAGAGAAGAG

Mark remained with his head in his hands. He didnt know what he should do. A kid with Addie could be great, but he didnt know hot to be a father, and the closest thing he had to a father had been Richard.

"Richie rich did good by us." Alex said as if reading his thoughts.

"Yeah" Mark sighed.

"And he did it alone." Alex added.

"hmmmmmm." Mark sounded.

"I'd prefer to go through into parenthood with someone who understands me, rather than alone." Alex told him.

"Yeah" Mark agreed, only now looking up to see that Alex was now standing. "What are you doing?" Mark asked.

"I dont want to go through this alone Mark, and Addie, Addie shouldn't have to either. Neither should Chris." Alex said as he moved towards the door.

"So?" Mark asked dumbly.

"I need Chris, and i need my kid." Alex told him "and the worst thing that could happen is that they end up like us."

Mark laughed at his brothers stupidity.

"I'm going to tell that girl what i think. You're married to Addie, you should accept that this is your next step." Alex told him.

Mark considered his brothers words as he watched him disappear. "What the worst that can happen?" he asked himself.

"That the kid ends up like you." A voice came from the door causing him to look up again.

Mark studied the person in the door. "I was a shit of a kid."

"But you weren't the problem child." the person countered.

"I was rebellious."

"At first yes, but you settled down."

"I can't take care of anything."

"and yet when its been needed you have kept this family together."

"I dont know if i can be a dad." Mark finally murmured.

"but still youre prepared to do whats right ." Richard told him as he moved into the room and sat next to him.

"You can do this Mark because i did." Richard told him. "I've raised you to be this man. You can ignore your mothers disappearance, ignore your fathers desertion. You had a dad, have a dad, that has been there to seee you through thick and thin." Richard told him "and i will continue to."

Mark looked at Richard. He was not sure what he should say. He closed his eyes and thought for a moment. "Thanks for being my dad." he finally whispered.

"Anytime son" Richard replied as he patted him on the back. All he could hop was that his children will make the right decisions in regards to their current situations. And he knew all he could do was sit back and help pick up the pieces if things went wrong, after all, a dads job shortens when they hit a certain age, especially with impending parenthood


	59. something to think about

**Mark had sat for a moment longer with Richard before deciding that he needed to go speak with Addie. He knew that he shouldn't have just walked away from her. He hated that he had done it, and yet, his talk with Richard reminded him why he used to turn to him.**

Richard had watched Mark walk away knowing that he would now do the right thing for his family, and by Addie He understood his step-sons fears, who wouldn't. The poor guy had been abandoned by his father at such a young age, and then to have his mother simply walk away from all of them, leaving them with a man that he had taken so long to get used to. It was hard, and yet, he knew that that experience alone would be somthing that he could draw strength from.

Mark reached Addie's office knowing that this was the place that he had left her. The office door was open and he could see Meredith holding Addie close trying to soothe her.

Meredith didnt have to look up to know that Mark was there.

"Hey" he said quietly as he looked between them both.

Meredith smiled softly glad that he was there as she was getting tired.

Mark looked at his sister and couldn't help but feel guilty. He hated that she was the one to go to his wife when it was her that shouldnt be carrying the stress of it all.

"It's ok squirt, i've got it from here." he told her as he moved into the room and sat down beside Addie. He pulled her towards him and let her bury herself into his shirt. "Shh babe." Mark said to Addie as he ran his hand down her back.

Meredith stood cautiously and looked at her brother.

"It's ok Mer, go home or something. I've got this." Mark told her and she nodded. Meredith smiled softly at her brother as she slowly made her way to the door, not sure where she wanted to go now.

In the meantime...

Alex found Christina down in the basement. It was obvious that she was studying and he wasnt sure whether he should disturb her. He knew that she hated to be interrupted, but this was important, this was his life, their life.

He approached her hesitantly and watched as she tucked a piece of hair out of her face again. He loved how when she was studying she would bite her tongue in concentration, and sometimes it would work its way out of her mouth. Alex tried not to be turned on as he approached her, after all, this was not about sex.

Christina looked up at him. She had been able to feel his presence from the moment he had reached the basement. She did not say anything, she simply looked up at him in curiosity.

"We... we need to talk." Alex told her, and she nodded and put her book down.

Alex approached the bed and sat down on the edge of it. He reached for her hand, even though he knew she wasnt exactly the cuddly type.

Chris looked at him, but still didnt say anything. She knew that this conversation was coming, even if she had wanted to avoid it.

"You... you dont have to do this alone." he told her nervously, and she watched as he took a deep breath.

"I think we should do this, we can make our way through this together. you dont have to do this alone, and honestly i dont want to do this with anyone else." he said quickly.

Chris looked at him in shock. "Alex?" she said quietly.

"I want us to have this baby Chris, i believe we can do this. We've got what it takes to go the whole nine yards. I want you to think about this I know it's asking a lot of you, but please, dont kill our baby."

Chris looked at him, she was biting her bottom lip now as she looked at him unsure of what to say.

Alex reached forward and placed his hand on her stomach, taking her completely by surprise. "Lets face our fears." he said to her as he leaned forward and kissed her softly.

"But my career." she stammered.

"We can do both." he told her as he moved closer still. He kissed her again.

"Just consider it, please." he told her. "The whole nine yards." he said again as he pulled back this time. "I want that with you."

Christina looked stunned as she watched him now stand up

"Lex" she said with a sigh.

Alex looked at her.

"I'll think about it." she told him.

Alex nodded, and could not hide the smile that was forming on his face

"Thats all i ask." he said quietly as he retraced his steps back out of the basement, leaving Christina to her thoughts.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith slowly made her way towards Derek's office. She had noticed his car in the carpark as she had looked out the window from near her fathers office. She had thought that he had gone home, but it was obvious that he was still worried about her, possibly thinking about the talk that they had had with preston in the morning.

She could see the light on in his office as she neared the door. It was as she got closer that she was surprised to hear the voices coming from the room.

"I told you not to come, it will only upset Meredith." She heard Derek say, and she was not sure who he could be talking to.

"Look, you sounded like you needed someone, and mom was going to come, but she couldn't when she is looking after all of the brats." Meredith heard someone reply.

"Yeah, yours included." he had replied.

Meredith stood by the door, her hand resting on the handle.

"Why cant you just come home?" the female voice asked, and Meredith suddenly knew who it was.

"Because my life is here now." Derek replied, and Meredith could hear him moving around his office.

"Because Meredith is here." the voice said in a narky tone.

"Yes." Derek answered simply.

Meredith froze when she felt the door knob turn in her grasp.

"Nancy, i think it would be best if you just went home." Derek told her as the door opened and he gestured for her to leave, only to look up and see Meredith.

"Mer" he said quietly, shocked that she was there.

"I... I.." Meredith stammered as she took a step back.

Nancy pursed her lips as she took in the sight of the young girl who had captured her brothers heart.

"I'm going home." Derek told Nancy as he reached for Meredith before she could make her escape. "I suggest you book yourself into a hotel for the night, and then be on the first plane out of here in the morning."

Nancy stood watching Meredith panic, she heard the change in the breathing as Derek pulled his office door closed.

Meredith went pale, and Nancy was quick to step back, not sure whether she was going to vomit.

"It's ok Mer" Derek said quietly as he ran a hand over her back, "lets just go home."

Derek hoped Meredith's breathing would steady because he didnt want Nancy to know about Meredith's heart condition, it was bad enough that he had already called Erin to ask for her to give him a consult, and had sent the patients file to her.

He led her down to the car, and made sure that Nancy hadnt followed, so that when she sat down in the car, he had time to steady her breathing, before he could drive them home.


	60. sisters

**Meredith had fallen asleep in the car, even if the drive was short, Derek had known that Meredith had had a long day.**

He had then carried her with ease into her house and up the stairs to her bedroom. He didnt bother to undress her as he laid her down on the bed.

Derek knew that seeing Nancy after finding out what she had the night before was not the best thing for Meredith and could only hope that Nancy would be gone in the morning.

Of course when they had both arrived at the hospital the next day there was Nancy waiting by the elevator.

Derek groaned, and Meredith, well she just went pale.

Nancy didnt bother with a hello. Instead when Meredith and Derek reached her she started in on Derek. "Why didnt you tell me that Mark Sloan works here?" Nancy asked as Meredith gripped Dereks hand tighter.

"It has nothing to do with you." Derek said simply.

"But it does." Nancy replied with a smirk as she watched as Meredith grimaced slightly.

"It doesnt" Derek replied more firmly.

"Mark Sloan does... doesn't have anything to do with you." Meredith told Nancy as she tried to breathe easily.

"Why do you care?" Nancy asked as she eyed Meredith closely. "Are you going to leave my brother for him too? Is that how things work?"

Derek groaned. "Mark and Addie are married Nance" he told her.

Nancy looked interested by the news.

"Dont cause trouble Nancy, just get back on your broonstick and fly back to conneticut." Derek told her.

"Dont be nasty" Nancy scolded.

Meredith's hand tightened on Dereks before loosening. Her knuckles went white at first. She tried to encourage her body to calm down but she knew she was failing.

Derek didnt notice this as he reamined completely focused on his sister.

"Now Meredith, you didnt answer me." Nancy stated. "Why do you care about Mark Sloan?"

"Der" Meredith said softly.

...

Mark had walked into the hospital, prepared to go check on his mother. He had not recieved any news in regards to her state, so he gathered that she was still sleeping.

He heard Nancy before he spotted her. He had also heard the question and who she was asking.

Mark rounded the corner and paused, taking in the scene in front of him. He could tell that Meredith was fighting the panic attach that had built into something more. He could see that Derek was oblivious to the fact, and was standing defensively.

"You grab Mer, i'll get the oxygen and Derek can get rid of the hag." Alex's voice came from behind him.

Mark turned around and nodded before moving towards the elevator. By the time he and Alex had almost reached their destinations, Merediths knees buckled.

Mark ran and grabbed her before she could hit the ground. He did not want her to sustain a head injury.

"Shit" Derek cursed as he turned around to see Mark with his arms around Meredith, holding her to him. Derek ran a hand through his hair. Mark could see that he was worried.

"W... what can i do?" Derek asked. Fear beginning to envelope him as he backed away to let Alex move in quickly with the portable ventialtor.

"You take care of your sister while i take care of mine." Mark told him as he scooped Meredith up into his arms and Alex applied the oxygen mask.

"Sister?" Nancy asked and Derek nodded and watched as the elevator door finally opened. Mark and Alex stepped on with Meredith.

Derek stepped on quickly, not really wanting to leave Meredith. He needed to be with her.

"Dere" Mark protested.

Derek groaned.

"Get rid of her. Addie will be here soon and really, she will kick her arse. She's all hormoanl and shit." Mark told him.

"But Mer" Derek protests.

"We've got her." Mark says as the doors close.

Derek turns back to Nancy. "You need to leave. You cant be here."

"Is she ok?" Nancy asked.

Derek shook his head.

"Der" Nancy sighed.

"Nance, why are you here?" he finally asked.

"i...i..." Nancy started and then stopped.

"What?" Derek asked as his frustration kept building.

"We havent heard from you since you've been here. I wanted to make sure you were ok der." she told him in a much softer voice.

"It's just.." Derek started and then stopped.

He let out a sigh as he looked at the elevator.

"Whats wrong with Meredith?" Nancy asked.

Derek sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "Not here Nance, and not now. Go sightseeing or something, and i'll meet you for lunch at the bar across the road."

"Derek?" Nancy said as her voice flled with concern as Dereks phone began to ring.

"Just go Nance, and i will see you there." he said as he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

He then flips his phone open as he watches her reluctantly walk away, making sure that she's far enough away before he begins to speak.

"Tell me Erin, how bad is it."


	61. ok to be scared

**Derek took in a deep breath. He had just finished talking to Erin, and now he wasn't sure what to think. What she had told him could do nothing but make his concern grow further.**

_  
**"This patient Derek is taking a great risk to see the pregnancy through, especially if she is working a job with long hours. I'm not sure if she will be able to handle the strain on her heart." Erin had told him. "Nonetheless, i would prefer to do some tests myself."**_

**Derek had sighed at the thought. She had then continued by telling him that she would be flying out here to do a consult on the patient.**

This could do nothing more but stir his concern as he had not told Erin that it was Meredith they were consulting on. Let alon tell Meredith that he had called Erin.

Derek ran a hand through his hair, before moving towards the elevator. Erin had said that she was boarding a plane as they spoke.

Not really thinking about where he was going, he pushed a button and closed his eyes, as he moved to rest his head on the metal lining. He didnt know what to do or even where the boys had taken Meredith. There was just too much going on, and right now, he wasnt sure he could handle it.

He heard the elevator doors open, but did not look up as he was too worn out.

The person didnt talk to him, they just seemed to watch him as he was on the verge of breaking down.

His body began to shake with emotion, and he tried to hide it from the person on the elevator.

He waited for them to step off at the floor that they had indicated, before pushing the button for the roof.

He needed to breathe, he needed Meredith, and he didnt know where she was. So he figured he could solve the first need.

The doors to the elevator opened and he stepped off and headed out to the roof.

The wind hit his face, and he took in a deep breath. He knew that he should probably be looking to see where Meredith was and how she is, but after talking to Erin, he didnt really know what to say to her.

"I got told you were up here." A voice came from behind him, and he turned to see Richard. He was pushing Meredith in a wheel chair. He could see that she wasn't too happy about being in the chair, and yet, he could see that something was bothering Richard too.

I nod at them before moving again to look out across the sea.

"I also recieved an interesting phonecall moments ago." Richard continued. "It seems that a Dr Erin Hargraves has decided that she needs to fly in and consult on a patients that you had enquired about."

Richard sighs as he closes his eyes, and Derek runs a hand through his hair.

"I cant do this now." Derek tells him.

Richard looks at him puzzled. "Whats wrong with Dr Burke?" he pressed.

Derek took a moment to think of how he should word his response, and yet, it didnt matter how he was going to word this, he would still look like a bastard.

"Whats wrong is that he is playing with my fiance - your daughters life. Whats wrong is that he was going to put her life at risk to make sure she could have this baby. Who gives a fuck about a baby if its mother is not around." he said as he turned away again. "I cant do this alone. I dont want to live my life without her, thats why i called for a second opinion, because if i have to sacrifice our baby to ensure that its mother is going to be around for the others, than i will do it. I dont want to be left alone."

"You wont be." Richard told him as he studied him closely, his eyes moving over the man who would soon become his son in law.

"You cant be sure of that." Derek answered before turning to look at Meredith. He could see the tears in her eyes despite the fact that she had stayed silent. "I love you, and i want to marry you, but i dont knw if i could survive life without you."

Meredith searched his eyes before running a hand over her chest. "Der" she said softly.

"Look, i... i just wanted a second opinion.... i promis... i was just...." he tried to find the words to describe how he was feeling.

"You're scared." Meredith whispered, and Derek nodded.

Meredith wheeled herself a little closer to him before reaching for his hand.

Derek looked down at her, not sure what she thought about the whole thing.

"Ok" she said quietly.

"Ok?" he asked.

Meredith nodded. "It's ok" she said again as she then began to look out at the sea. "It's ok to be scared."

With that Richard turned, figuring that he needed to give them some time alone, and also maybe do some damage control before Dr Hargraves arrived.


	62. you know?

Derek had left to meet Erin at the airport. He had taken Nancy with him as they were supposed to be having lunch together. He hated that things were spiralling. He preferred the times that he could control things, and hated that he was more than emotionally attached to his sisters future patient, but knew that she was too.

He had left Meredith back at the hospital, even though he wanted to bring her with him. She was committed to doing charts in his small office. It was easier, and Derek knew that it was for the best. At least this way he knew that she would be easy to locate, and Richard would keep checking in on her to make sure that she was okay.

After the events of this morning, Derek hadn't even had a chance to go around and check on all of his patients. He didn't even have the energy to check in on Ellis, and therefore knew that he would have to do so when he got back. That was of course, only if the chief didn't give him the rest of the day off to be with Meredith.

Now Derek stood next to Nancy near the baggage claim, waiting for Erin . Her flight was due in 5 minutes and waiting was hell.

Nancy shifted beside him nervously. She wasn't really sure what was going on, but she couldn't help but think that it had something to do with Meredith. She had never seen her brother like this, and the only time that it came close was when her father had been sick, and they had both been a lot younger then.

Nancy studied the features of her brothers face. She didn't need to ask him anything because she could see the answer written on the lines of his face. She could see it in his eyes. It was obvious that he was in pain.

"Der whats wrong with Meredith?" she asked, not being able to hide her concern any longer.

Derek refused to meet his sisters eyes as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Der" she spoke again as she placed a wary hand on his shoulder.

He shrugged it off. "Please, not now Nancy." He said in an almost pleading voice.

"Is she the reason Erin is coming? She's the patient right?" Nancy pressed further as she studied her brother for a reaction. She was surprised to see the hurt and anger that flashed in his eyes before it smouldered out and left an empty void.

Nancy hated seeing her brother distance himself to that extent. The alarm bells began to ring in her head, and she knew that he was going to need more than her love and support. Pushing the button on her phone that was hidden in her pocket, she waits for the noise to fill the space between them before she excuses herself, claiming that she needed to take the call.

"Der" he heard his voice called and looked up from his hands to the person who he was going to completely trust with his life.

"Erin" he said as he embraced her, holding her tight, too scared to let her go.

"It's Meredith isn't it." Erin said as she stepped back and tilted her head at him. "Meredith is the patient."

Derek nodded at first before looking at her stunned. "You know?" he asked, the pain, hurt and anger coming back to his eyes.

"I know" she said softly before handing him her bag. "Now please take me to her." She said with as much strength as she could muster.

Derek looked at her nervously. There were a thousand questions that he wanted to ask her but all he could handle was silence for now.


	63. nothing to worry about

Nancy was hungry, but she wasn't going to say anything to Derek because she too was growing concerned about Meredith. It wasnt that she hated Meredith, it was more to the fact that she was worried that she was too young for her brother.

She climbed out of the car, following them towards the hospital. She still was unsure what was happening, but knew that Derek needed her. She also knew that Derek would need their mother. It was obvious he was in pain and that he was trying to be strong, but she couldnt really say much when she put the sos call through to her mom because she didnt really know the situation.

Derek walked with his head down. He wanted to know what his sister knew, and yet, wasnt sure he wanted answers as he felt that he might not react in the best manner, especially if she had known for quite a while... or had she guessed it.

Erin hated to see her brother so cut up. He knew as soon as he heard the waver in his voice this morning that the case was personal, then adding to the high strung appearance was the knowledge that she had already had on Merediths case. After all, she had recieved a phone call from Meredith when she had first found out about the pregnancy. That was the beauty of being great friends with your brothers girlfriend.

They all stepped onto the elevator in silence, nobody knew what to say as they made their slow procession up the levels until they reached the floor to Dereks office. It was only then that Derek led them there and pushed open the door to see Meredith asleep on the couch with the oxygen mask on, and the heart monitor connected.

Nancy raised her eyebrows, especially when she saw the feotal monitor, but still she didnt say anything.

Looking around the room, they spotted Addie sitting at his desk going over her notes. She looked up at them, and then smiled softly at Derek.

"Nothing to worry about." she said softly. "I'm just being a little over protective." she said honestly.

"I just wanted to make sure that everything is ok with my neice or nephew, and that my little sister is comfortable." she told him.

Derek smiled a thanks as he stepped towards Meredith, looking down on her. "She usually snores." He said, and was not able to hide the look of concern.

"She isnt sleeping." Addie said quietly, and gestured to the ear plugs that were in Merediths ears.

Derek nodded before he moved to tug on the cord gently, making it seem as if it fell out. Meredith groaned a little and reached for the plug.

"Mer" he said softly, hoping to get her attention, but she simply sighed, obviously not hearing him as she went to replace the ear plug.

"Your going to have to do something better than that." Addie teased, knowing what Meredith was like, it usually was something like removing the mask.

Dereks eyes lit up at the thought as he slowly peeled back the mask and dropped a kiss on her lips.

"hmmm" she sighed as her eyes fluttered open.

"Hey" he said as his blue eyes met her green.

"Hi" she replied with a soft smile.

"What are you doing?" he asked, thinking that she may have had more issues.

"Miss bossy went over protective and now im being made to chill out until i see Ez." she said simply, moving to unplug her other head phone and turning off her ipod.

Derek then moved back a little and looked at Erin.

"Permission to move the wires?" Meredith asked Addie, who sighed and moved out from behind the desk to untangle Meredith.

Meredith watched as Addie nervously helped her before looking hesitantly at Nancy and back to her again.

"Hey Addie, can you go get Dad, let him know ez is here?" she asked.

Addie nodded, quite thankful for the out, and taking it quickly.

Meredith then moved to sit up and looked at Erin. "So tell me sugar, what are you thinking." she asked, trying to sound jovial, but unable to hide the fear in her voice any longer.

Derek reached for Merediths had as Erin took a seat at the end of the couch and began to speak.

_Now everyone of us was made to suffer  
Everyone of us was made to weep  
But we've been hurting one another  
And now the pain has cut too deep  
So take me from the wreckage  
Save me from the blast  
Lift me up and take me back  
Don't let me keep on walking  
I can't keep on walking on broken glass_

Walking on walking on broken glass


	64. a shadow of you

Meredith and Drek had listened carefully to what rin had to say. Both were scared by the prospect in front of them.

Meredith was then submittd to several tests. Derek knew that in a way, she was doing this to please him, and put his mind at ease.

Neither of them had expected the news that they had recieved, the emergency surgery that Erin had offered. For the simple surgery, was all that Meredith would apparently need, according to Erin, and assuming Meredith behaved, followed her medication, and continued a healthy lifestyle then she would be fine.

The big issue for them was that she would need to have it now, and it would put the bay at risk, but Erin had reassured her that she would do all that she could to keep both of thm safe.

The surgery was unprecedent, and Erins argument to Burke - who had decided to interfere - was that it would hurt like hell if they lost the baby but as least sh knew that Meredith would be strong enough to see through another pregnancy.

Burke in his frustration had appealed to Richard.

Richard had listened to Erins argument and was completely shocked to hear that Burke was willing to put Merediths life at risk for the baby.

Meredith had sat back listening to the arguments whirling around the room. No one had bothered to leave the room to discuss this. She was hearing the cold hard facts. Besides, she was a doctor she was smart enough to understand the risks that were in place.

She had been watching the fear in Dereks eyes as they argued. She knew that their whole world was at risk, and still, her mind was made up and there was no one who was going to cause it to waver.

"This surgery is happening." She told them with as much strength as she could muster. "This is our decision." she said as she indicated to Derek before pointing back at herself again. "It's our baby's life that is on the line right now, and it seems that if i didnt take the risk now, i would be paying for it later in life."

Richards eyes softened as he tool in his daughters appearance.

"Burke, sign all my files over to Erin. She will be my doctor from now on." She instructed before she reached for Dereks hand.

"Right" Erin sighed. "Book me an OR" she said to no one in particular, "we will get this one tonight." she said with a nd of her head.

Derek looked numb and Meredith squeezed his hand.

"Der, can you ake me to my room?" she asked him, knowing that this could well be the last time she spends with him. Complications arise in surgery all the time. She knew that, she had watched more than her fair share.

.......................................................................................................................

Erin had assembled a team of which included Addison and Nancy. Both were assigned to keeping a close eye on the baby. She had opted for no interns, but seemed to be swamped with residents whi wanted in on the case.

It hadnt been hard for Erin to pick Bailey to be in there with her, for she was the one who seemed to not only know the most about the case, but also the procedure being used. Plus Addison had informed her that she had family connections, which would be best used when wanting to give Mers family an update.

Now as she stood at the door and watched as Derek kissed her softly she understoof that she had her brothers world in her hands.

She didnt want to interrupt as she watched them share preious moments, whispering words of love and promises of forever.

Derek had sensed her presence and reluctantly looked up.

"We're ready for her." she said softly keeping a close eye on her baby brother.

Derek nodded before leaning in and kissing Meredith softly.

"Has her family see her?" Erin asked as she moved to take control of Merediths bed.

"Yes" Derek said nervously. "They're all going to be in the gallery." he told her.

"No pressure her." Erin sighed, hating that they will be looking over her.

"She's my life Erin." Derek said quietly and knew that those words only pounded her harder.

Erin nodded, before letting Derek walk with her as far as the scrub room. Where he gave Meredith one last kiss before heading off to the gallery to join Richard, Alex and Mark.

All 3 of them were sitting silently, all caught up in their own worlds of pain and fear.

Erin finished scrubbing in before moving to stand over Meredith.

"Take are of us." Meredith said to her as Addie and Nancy both walked into the room.

"I'll do my best Mer." Erin told her as she moved to put her under the anaesthetic.

Richard looked down rigidly, unsure of how to feel about seeing his daughter cut open again.

"I hope this was the right thing to do." Derek murmured more to himself then anything. He moved to put his head in his hands.

"She's tought." MARK said to him as he looked on.

"Yer" Alex said as he tried to stay strong. "She's merely a shadow of herself right now."

Derek though of Merediths words before the surgery. He could recall the whole conversation. "Have faith Der" she had told him. "We will make it through this, me and my shadow of you."


	65. slipping away

Baby I've been watchin' you  
(Baby I've been watchin' you)  
Watchin' everything you do  
(Watchin' everything you do)  
And I just can't help but feelin'  
Someone else is stealin' you away from me  
I see it written in your eyes  
And you confirm it with your lies  
Though the way the weave can hold me  
I would rather that you told me, where you wanna be

Oh, oh, oh, you're slippin' away from me  
Oh, oh, oh, you're slippin' away from me  
And it's breakin' me in two  
Watchin' you slippin' away

Baby, I've been watchin' you  
(Baby, I've been watchin' you)  
Watchin' everything you do  
(Watchin' everything you do)  
And I just can't help but feelin'  
Someone else is stealin' you away from me  
I see it written in your eyes  
And you confirm it with your lies  
Though the way the weave can hold me  
I would rather that you told me, where you wanna be

Oh, oh, oh, you're slippin' away from me  
Oh, oh, oh, you're slippin' away from me  
And it's breakin' me in two  
(Breakin' me in two)  
Watchin' you slippin' away  
And it's breakin' me in two  
(Breakin' me in two)  
Watchin' you slippin' away  
And it's breakin me in two  
(Breakin' me in two)  
Watchin' you slippin' away

Baby I've been watchin' you  
Watchin' everything you do  
And I just can't help but feelin'  
Someone else is stealin' you away from me  
I see it written in your eyes  
And you confirm it with your lies  
Though the way the weave can hold me  
I would rather that you told me, where you wanna be

Whoa, oh, oh, you're slippin' away from me  
Whoa, oh, oh, you're slippin' away from me  
And it's breakin' me in two  
Watchin' you slippin' away  
And it's breakin' me in two  
Watchin' you slippin' away

(Fades to End)  
Yes, it's breakin' me in two  
Watchin' you slippin' away  
I said, it's breakin' me in two  
Watchin' you slippin' away


End file.
